13 of July

Today is one rainy Thursday, it's July 13, 2023. I woke up with a dream of getting along with my cousin who was once a good friend but seemingly have fallen apart from as she moved abroad. 

While it was raining hard, like July would used to be, I thank God for I am working from home. I remembered the times I had to endure the hard rains, and even walked home from the floods. I am here in my own space, with my parents few steps from here. I am dry and loving the feeling of being comforted here and not enduring the rains outside. I may not have my officemates with mem but surely, has it been well or better with them around? From the looks of it, I have liked working from home and in front of computer. If I need to talk to someone, some friends would be online to talk to. I can play games, or watch Netflix or Disney when I feel bored.  I also have Areen with me.

I prepared my food which are some left overs but those were good ones. Burger, nilaga, and nuggets. I have rice cooker with cooked rice and coffee on my table. 

While I missed a lot of things in my life, one cure for anxieties and uncertainties is to be grateful for what we have.

Tomorrow is my birthday, I am still longing for a partner, but I must focus on living my life for the purpose of giving my best to God. I don't know what the future holds, but I am running always to peace knowing He knows it all and is already there for me.

My God has always been good. He always remembers me even in the pit. That I know. He promised me.

Thank You, my Master

 I have been assessing my life lately. So much to be thankful for the grace and mercy God has given me. I may lack somethings in life, regretted things I have done in the past, but I know that what matters now is what I do moving forward. 

I acknowledge myself as a sinner saved by grace alone. I cannot do anything that would make me deserve any of the grace and mercy I have been receiving from Him. Nothing good that I can do could add but I strive to do better things for Him because I am His servant. The decision to make Him my Lord changed everything in my life. My focus now is to serve my Lord and my Master to whom I am indebted.

I like what Paul said in Philippians 3:13–14 , he tries to forget the past. He is not paralized by what he did, but he presses on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I may or may not get all the things I pray for, but one thing I ultimately desire--is to receive His words at the end of my life saying well done, my good and faithful servant. 

I do not have anything to brag about. Nothing to be proud of except the fact that He is my Lord and I am His. 

No Coincidence!

Today, I thought of blogging just because I have been watching the series The Chosen. So much to write about it. 

Seeing the last entry, I was so amazed of what I have written about 10 months ago and what had transpired last Monday in our team building with the church's music team!

God is really speaking! My mind is just blown away.

During the ministerial period with our Pastor, I thought when I was lining up that "ahhh, Pastora knows me. I just stayed in her house to fix some gadgets, had some random talks, and drove her to and from Bulacan for the church services. She must have something to say about me the same things she told me earlier-- I must not be afraid and be brave."

Soon as I came over, I heard what God wants to tell me. " You said you are alone, but no, I am here with you!", also mentioned about not doubting, and to continue using my skills for His glory. Those were the words! 

Based from my last blog-- I have been feeling alone since the start of 2022, and might have been recovering only on the onset of 2023 because of the revival that's happening in our church. It isn't any coincidence that I have decided to write again and look back at the last entry to have confirmed what God wants me to hear. He is there for me! I should not doubt His word!

Dear Heavenly Father, the King of the universe, the Saviour of my soul. Thank you. Thank you so much for your words. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for these assurances. Help me to overcome any doubt and continue to be in state of trust in You. Indeed, You have spoken.

I will be blogging about things I have learned from The Chosen and my devotions. I just couldn't contain the thought today of what was just revealed to me. 

June 30 Midyear

Lately, I have been feeling lonely. The fact that I am literally alone (but thankful to our pet Areen, she's another story), adds to the feeling of loneliness.  I know that loneliness is a universal emotion. Everyone must have felt lonely and alone or just lonely or alone for once in their lives. 

This isn't the first time that I feel alone and or lonely. In the past, regardless I am in Manila or in Dubai, the feeling of loneliness would struck me. I know the drill, I know what I have to do--look unto God and His promises. This makes me feel better sooner than expected. Therefore, I believe that being alone or lonely does not depend on the location. I cannot say that I am here (insert wherever I am) that's why I am lonely. I could experience being alone and or lonely anywhere I could be in the world.

In this regard, I must remove from my thoughts that loneliness is based from the location. I must appreciate where God has placed me today. Circumstances may make us feel alone and the enemy will use it against us. It is okay to feel alone and lonely at times, and some may have it in a prolonged periods, but we must take heart always. Gather up ourselves and do something that needs to be done. Finish your work, feed the pet, wash your clothes, or if it gets better at times, do nothing but reflect. Accept the things that makes you feel alone and lonely. Acknowledge it. Lay them to the Lord. Even David, in the bible, has to come accept the terms of his loneliness in Psalms 25:16.

Part of healing, or moving on, or getting by is acknowledgement of our own weaknesses. No one in this world would accept it more than you. If you can't accept things to yourself, you won't be able to find answers from the Lord and find comforts from His words. He promise that He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3), He is with us (Isaiah 41:10), He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Feb 14 2022 Valentines

I am writing this blog on Valentine's. I have been emotionally spent in the last couple of weeks dreading this day. Those times, I try to live one day at a time and thinking of the encouraging words many times have been told to me 'do not advance your emotions'. I have been watching Netflix, reading online articles, reading books end ebooks.

It is Monday and I am working from home.  I am still alive. The Lord has been uplifting my spirits despite my battered emotions from fears. I have been talking to people online, old friends, new friends, single friends, married ones. They all have been imparting great insights to me. Aside from the invitations of my best friend in her get togethers and volleyball plays with cousins in Binangonan, I have Sundays for church. These means driving to and from Manila. 

Areen has been with me--always barking, resting, eating, wants to play. My parents and siblings are just few steps from here. Our neighbors keep sight of our place whenever we are away. These are just some things to be grateful for. 

As my friend Cristi (and a leader from college) told me, it is important to keep your balance. While heartbreaks and heartaches have their ways of reaching my brain, my heart is fighting to keep its shape and form-- trying to still be humble, kind, and hoping in the Lord and His promises.

So Valentines Day. Just to share here what Ate Glad told of what she read today:

DON’T FOCUS on the wrong things when it comes to love, but we have to remind ourselves  the template for true love isn’t found in another person. It can feel like God’s love is too good to be true, but nothing could be further from the truth. His love is real and perfect, and available to you!

We sometimes see the templates for love to be from the social norms when in fact, our God first loved us. He laid His life for us. He is our greatest, noblest, and humblest Lover.

It might be that I am romanticizing this but it is most true. We have been fed by the society of what love is, what it should look like and how it should be practiced but the actuality is, first and foremost, and in the true sense, God is love. All other love should stem from this. Human love fails, not enough, and does not last. Our efforts and patience to bear one another are just an extension of His love. If we are not connected to this love, our love for others is limited, probably lasting only when things are new, or when circumstances are best. 

Challenging my own thoughts, I might be writing this because I don't have any special someone on Valentines this year. I might be envying those who are celebrating (and some celebrating genuinely romantic love). Truth be told, I could be. I am human with emotions and sometimes being affected by surroundings--so I nurture myself with core truths. 

As how David prays: Psalm 139

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I always acknowledge myself as a human being with ideas and thoughts that might be clouding my mind so it is important for me to know the truth which shall set us free.

How to know the truth? By reading and inspiring yourself to the Word of God:

2 Timothy 3:16 ESV 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness

Hebrews 4:1 ESV 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

His inspirations can be drawn from His Word, allow Him to speak to us through His Word and people He uses to point us to Him, again and again.

Feb 02 2022 Moments of Grace

As I veered away from social media, I had more time to watch Netflix and read. Few of the things my friends and I talked about is reading ebooks. We bought some online from Lazada. Cheap ones with good reviews.

I remember an Ate who works in a bookstore and who always has a book recommendation for me since college. Ate Grasya, thankfully, is just a random message away. No need for a good-morning, are-you free-message kind type. I asked for an ebook recommendation and soon, I have a list on my tablet to read. 

I started with Moments of Grace. Foreword and first few pages gave me encouragements. In the introduction, it was written: 

I realized that the most outstanding moments of grace in my life are not those times of victory, but those moments of horrible vulnerability.

Talk about what I am going through and what I needed the most. His grace, during these times, is always mind blowing for me. For when I am at my most vulnerable state, I feel the awe of what grace can bring to me. 

The first chapter was about Seventy Years and Beyond, quoting the Word from Psalm 90:10. To note what has given me encouragement, it says:

While pain and trouble are the harsh facts of growing old, those who trust in the Lord Jesus will face these storms with Him. They face the fading years awaiting a blazing hope of a new beginning. They face life, not with self-propelled optimism but with solid faith in Christ.. Next is accepting that this is God's design; that God, in His grace, found us and is the same gracious Lord who will see us through.

Pain and troubles will always be part of life. As we are not of this world, we are being scarred by these things our soul despises. But the good news is that, we are not alone. While we seek refuge from man's companionship and listening ears, there's a big God who knows even the cries of our hearts, its bitterness, and still understands us fully. 

Whenever my mind is carried by sad thoughts, I put a balance on it by holding my chest where my heart is somehow located and utter prayers. I tell Him my thoughts and ask Him to change me from within. Change my perspective and help me get through. It isnt easy but once I open my heart to His promises, I begin to take refuge in it. 

I catch myself in this scenario multiple times in a day--I know I am now planting seeds of hope (even that of mustard seed) to the One who holds my heart, the One who holds the universe.

Feb 01 2022 Social Media Madness

Two of my friends from UnionBank dared us to stay away from social media this February. I felt it was a good move for me to subtract something for a while and to find that JOMO, or the joy of missing out, is really a joy. 

As I often browse through Facebook feeds anytime in the day, of when I wake up at night from a deep sleep-- I found myself harboring little self-pities, aside from cultivating the habit of 'the need to know'. It has been told in "multiple studies have found a strong link between heavy social media and an increased risk for depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-harm, and even suicidal thoughts". While as a Christian, I know my foundations are strong, whenever I am drawn to social media during my hard times gives me the anxiety I never thought is cultivating in me.

I started on 31 January. With the usual bets we do whenever we have a deal, I find it easy for me to do it. It's been a day, and since I have deleted the social media, I have more time to do my daily task at work, or take time to read or watch. 

I am not drawn to knowing 'more things' or what's happening to friends these days. I am now leaning towards growing under my feet the joy of taking time for myself and to commune all the more with God. Undistracted by the urges to scroll endlessly on Facebook just to pass time.

In this, I am able to write this down again. Taking this journey to self-love, to love other the way I love myself. Not to love others more than myself; and ultimately to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. 

First commandment says we are called to love God more than anyone and anything. Secondly, we are asked to love others as thyself. Not more than what we can give to ourselves.  As we give grace and compassion to others, we must not neglect to nurture self-compassion and grace. We love others commensurately as loving ourelves. 

We are not even called to be dependent on other people to be filled with love they can give, rather, to cherish a love that's from the Lord, lavishing the kind of love that He can only give as He is the source of Love. God is Love. When we experience His love within us-- we begin to love others the way He loves us. The love that overflows from the divine love and not of the love that human can give--always short, not enough, always craving.

I am not againts those with social media as I know to each his own. I just pray that when things are tough, we get attention and re-focus with the Lord and not from earthly, fleeing things.

I started with the book Moments of Grace and wishes to write more of what's been learned from the reading.

13 Jan 2022

Here again to write. It's been three years since the last blog. In 2020, pandemic began and made big changes in our lives.

Today I was browsing my social media wehn a post from a friend gotten my attention. She posted how she missed the way she was, particularly 2017 (we are now at 2022). 

She said all the things she was doing back then--reading, watching, all the youth pleasures she was able to do. Right now she has a child to take care of.

I read through the comments and was inspired by a particular comment which says we should not dwell on the things we missed in the past but enjoy what we have right now. We should not despair over the things we can't do but focus on what we can do. While good memories are understandable to miss, we need to grow from the current situation we have. Or else, we would be living in the past. 

Maybe now happiness is literally getting enough sleep vs reading a book like what it used to be. Here are some thoughts I wanted to share as it has inpsired me today.

1. Accept our current situation. Acceptance will always be the key to growth and growth means propelling us to a new level of experience, knowledge, and path. 

2. Appreciate what we have. While we cannot control what happened in the past or we cannot bring back old memories, appreciating what we have gives us direction. 

3. Be at peace with the truth that change is inevitable. We will always miss what we used to be - the time we don't have to think about any concerns and just play until we're tired; the time we don't think about the bills or responsibilities; the time we were once young and vigrouus to do anything we want. Until we make peace with it, we will just be trapped to the pit of loneliness and despair.

4. Encourage yourself in the Lord. The Word of God is hammer (Jeremiah 23:29) that has the power to change us and be molded again to the person we need to become. The Word of the Lord is the source of hope and be reminded of his promises. In this world, we'll have trouble but He asked us to take heart as He has overcame the world. 

8 Feb 2018 Hope

On the onset of February 2018, I had to finish a paper for a company. The whole week was full-packed. I wasn't able to blog.

Change isn't easy. It's a process. The good thing about reading the Word and holding on to His promises is that it gives you hope in times of despair and humility in times of joys.

29 Jan 2018

Because the Word of the Lord is a double-edged sword, it should also cut me before it cut others. On Saturday, I shared the Word of God. It was His grace that gave me knowledge on the topic. It was His mercy that put hope and humility in me.

As I have shared on reading the Word on everyday basis, I must too be reading His Word. It feeds my spirit with strength to battle everyday's journey and to win it every night for Him, and with Him.

Today's verse while on my way to office was to be reminded not to have troubled hearts, succeeding words point to believing in Jesus. It has given me the spoken word on the truth that to stay cool, my focus is to always look unto Jesus.

I was glad to have a great Sunday with best friend and the group of YAN. It is good to be surrounded by people of the same faith and passion for Jesus.

27 Jan 2018

For His name's sake.

I am about to share in our bible study later. I am reminded today to take my place of humility before Him because all glory and honor and praise should only be received by Him.

He allowed me to be taken to the depths of despair for I know it was to make me more yielded to Him. To see my weakness and suffering so He would help me and that He would shine in my brokenness.

I am far from perfection but I am up for continuous growth and I always acknowledge that apart from Him, I can do nothing, I am nothing.

26 Jan 2018 The Narrow Road

Today's devotion lead me to the same topic yesterday, but from a different author. The Narrow Road.

Following God means walking the “narrow road.” It means facing adversity
I believe He is leading me to the same Word He wanted me to learn once again. The path to righteousness is a narrow road.

The narrow road of living for God and not conforming to the ways of the world is often lonely. But the trade-off of gaining real intimacy with Christ is worth more than anything you could ever get from the world.

It means denying of self and being able to be Spirit-controlled. Letting go of what's wide and easy and taking the steps to steep and righteous.