Sometimes, it puts us in the “wrong” if we tell the apologizer with 'I’m not ready', but when we're hurt and we are not yet ready to accept other people's apology, how do we deal with the pain?
I was afraid that when people apologize, it was to ease them of the burden but that doesn't imply that their behavior is going to change.
It was my thinking that I will only have to accept the apology and move on from it and accept the other person's limitations and probably their ignorance. It was to make them feel forgiven from the things they can't do for you.
I would often say that it was even better not to feel the feeling, and worse, telling them what you felt but I realize that it isn't always learning how to accept apologies but learning to protect ourselves from disappointments, handling disappointments better, surrendering your disappointments.
Here's some key points I learned.
But first, in as much as possible, try not to start a quarrel because 'starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.' ( Proverbs 17:14) but if it happens..
1. It happens.
Disappointment happens when our expectations fail. It occurs to every one and every relationships, but as easy as saying don't expect, our core does, our plans look forward to happening, and we surmise with the words of other people.
Our thoughts must not be 'don't expect' but to put our hopes (and anchor) it with the Lord.
Psalm 130:7...put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
2. Allow to feel..because we will get exhausted with pretending we're not okay.
“Pain begs to be felt—or life will beg you to feel not one emotion at all. Emotion means movement — and emotions are meant to move you toward God.” ~ The Broken Way
3... but put limitations to your emotions. While we often dwell with pain, we can exert effort to remember all other good. Remembering how much you love the person, all the sacrifices, would help you put limit to the sad situation. Do not allow the situation to destroy relationships. Try to look forward and think that you will only have to go through it to become better at handling emotions.Your relationship matters more than the faults.
4. Objective contemplating. It is good to think about what happened in an objective manner (not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts) so we can weigh things and be better at decision making.
5. Surrender. While it is inevitable, and you can't just ignore your emotions, and so allowing it (with limitations) would help, thinking objectively and ultimately surrendering will make us better at handling disappointment.
Running from it, staying away from it, and giving in it to it are not better options. Instead, cast your burdens and give your anxieties to Him (Ps 55:20. 1 Pet 5:7) because He always care. Come to Him and take rest. Learn His gentle and lowly heart so that our souls will find rest (Matt 11:28).
