Day 6

These days, studying (more than just reading) the Word of God gives me wonders of all the things He is. I have been praying that  (1)I may unlearn all the things I have learned so i can  learn them through His personal revelations via Holy Spirit through personal bible study and seeking of His Word and (2) establish truths I have learned from the teachings I have heard. I wish to blog the things I've been learning. This, not to use against people as becoming superior but to (1) for personal growth as in the end, I will come before Him personally and (2) to share these to those who are just starting and going through circumstances from my circle of ministry.

There have been numerous times I would quote Lamentations 3:22,

Lamentations 3:22-23New International Version (NIV)
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Today I read the whole chapter, from where the verse was preceded by and its continuation. Its first paragraphs was about the laments of Jeremiah over the ruins of Jerusalem and this points out to that verse that his hope lies in the remembering (at verse 20) and calling to mind (being reminded ourselves about) that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases and His mercies are new every morning. Verse prior to that was his humility in acknowledging all that he has done wrong, all his transgressions.

In this, I/we must continually remind ourselves that God's love is steadfast, unending, unceasing. As because He actually is. It is where our hope lies that we can be forgiven whenever we remember our sins before Him (in true and genuine repentance). The promise I find in the next verses is that God is good to those who wait for Him (not taking matters into our own hands), to those who seek Him. Deliverance (salvation), justice, will come from the Lord and not ours. We can even give our cheeks to the one who strikes as He will be the one who will justify us and not ourselves against them.

Repent. Mourn. Remember: God is always compassionate, He is abounding in steadfast love.Wait for the Lord.

Day 5

And I've written a lengthy last lines. I don't say final things. I surrender everything to my Creator.

Today the church went to Zabeel Park and the theme was about healthy living. Inspiring, and I entered the biggest loser contest despite it being two months and I am already in PH by the time of final weigh ins. 

I figured I gained around 6 kilograms since I came here. That was fast. 

And to share what I've read  'I don’t need to change all my emotions to happiness, but I want God to remold my core so that regardless of my circumstances, thoughts and feelings, I know He never changes and my identity in Christ remains the same. RM

Day 4

Day 4. No Coffee. I miss you. I've been trying to focus myself on work, and rest so I could forget about you. It has been hard in the past days since I've been taking you everyday before.

So we received the good news that we won't have Saturdays anymore. Good! I will have another month of four 2-day weekends. Happy for my officemates also and will be happy leaving them with such good situation. Everyone's working hard and 2 days off will be great.

So the days I will tender for work here will be less than-- days.

I still find myself tearing at times. Yesterday I had a talk with an old friend, just catching up and it helped me a lot.

I desire to unlearn the many things I know about God so I can again personally relearn them. How big and holy He is and that our main focus and longing in life is God. He is the God of the universe. He is also the God of my heart. We must not just read the bible but study it and I desire that hunger for His revelations.

Day 3

Day 3. Surprisingly, everyone's telling me that it's good that I am already going home. They wish they could too. I was ready to hear whys and the usual urges to stay here but no, they were happy about my decision.

I would stay home for a while, keep up with my family and have some fresh start, I could redo the garden like I used to when I planned to go home 3 years ago from city works. I don't know what's next but this would be my opportunity to wait on God. This time, it is going to be different.

The past 3 days were hard and I always catch myself asking, shedding tears, sad, but I have to go on and move on. In Christ, I live and move and breathe and have my being.

Day 2

I wasn't able to go to fellowship last night because of painful headache. I thought sleeping it off at six would help but when I woke up at 8, the pain still pierces. I took medicines that's for colds so I got so drowsy and fell asleep til 6am this morning.

I did't eat but oats. There weree donuts my housemates brought from last night that I didn't take.

Too many questions running on my mind but I'm choosing to sigh them out.

The Word of God inflicts hurt on us more than sin ever could, because sin dulls our senses. But this intensifies our sensitivities to the point that this hurt produced by Jesus is the most exquisite pain conceivable.

Day 1

I don't know what to write. I couldn't even begin or if I should be writing. It was hard sleeping yesternight but thank God I was able to get some 4-hour sleep. I was tired yesterday because the trainee backed out and I had to do everything again.

I need to write as I have been staring at nothingness, saying my thoughts help me. Ahh, nothing to say. I wish I could tell you how much this hurts.

Setbacks for New Setups

A setback is an unexpected change from better to worse, a disappointment, a reversal but setbacks are God's opportunity for setups, for comebacks. /source/

Every setback in our life journey is a setup for a comeback. God wants us to bring us to places better than we were before. 

In the story of Caleb and 12 spies/ Numbers 13/, these men (leaders of each tribe) went ahead to the Promised Land. The land God promised them is out there just few walks (around 40 days back and forth v.35) away already. This is it, the land they been journeying for in the past 40 years! They saw that the place was inhabited by giants, it seems like they're in a setback. Woow. This was definetely not what they thought about. This was their promised land, it was theirs. 

So the story goes with Israelites rebellion, God's forgiveness, and God seeing Caleb (14 v 24) with a different attitude, following Him, bringing Him to the land they explored. 

The trials and problems we face may be a setback for what God has promised us, but as long as we have a trusting heart, and a heart following God, those will only be setbacks for a new setups. 

Father's Love

This morning, on my way to office, I have stop listening to podcast.. to pray. In my prayers I remembered how gracious and compassionate our God is, as our Father.

My father, Efren, has always been loving. He always say I am his favorite. I never experience any maltreatment or even the spank of discipline from him. He would only always tell me through words when he doesn't want me going out against his will. Now, how much more our Heavenly Father. Surely, He wants us disciplined and there are things we, as His children wanted, but not really on the things He wanted for us, from big decisions even to small ones. His love covers everything. He loves us passionately, loves us deeply, loves us with full care.

1 John 3:1 See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!(NLT)

U-turns

So maybe we got permitted to do something, maybe something that's not really against the bible.

The Believer’s Freedom
1 Corinthians 10:23
23 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.

We took decisions that's not part of the master plan (buying something we wouldn't use anyway, not going to church instead we went to a birthday party, or maybe went abroad to explore and finds it was even better where you left (ahem). 

And we learn. 

I learn.

The good thing is, God allows U-turns. If we wanted God to direct our paths, what should we do?

Trust. Lean not to self. Lay all plans to God. The verse below has been a song, life verses for many, and one of the most memorized verses until I saw a new revelation for me. 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Our paths may sometimes or may most of the times get crooked. We take decisive decisions we have not asked God for answers but we took in our own understanding that things are better with the plans we already made and when things get out of hand, that's when we only realized these things. Humble ourserves, acknowledge God in all our ways, ask God for forgiveness for leaning on our own understanding, and in everything, submit all we have to Him. 

...Be cautious that you are not stacking your life with more and more “stuff” that will send you over the edge with stress and anxiety.  And make sure it is not going to steal the peace from you and your family as well.

Petty Cash Replenishment

This morning, I had to replenish my petty cash. I had to admit, I got irritated by the personnel who asked me that the replenishment cheque be signed by the bosses when it is his duty to get signatures from them. Hah, problems of taking too much jobs.

I read last night that multitasking kills our brains (read here: Forbes) from the link my former boss gave me and so I try to do one workload per series of time. Say I do expense claim then do others after finishing accounts task.

Trying to veer away from anger and look onto positive side. I am learning accounting. I won't know it was his duty if I wasn't asked to do so.

I ask God for the strength to endure.

Prayer

I am humble myself to You.
I ask for wisdom what to do next. Resign or stay.
I continue to serve in Your ministry where I am while I am waiting for that day.
I cast all anxiety on You.
I am not leaning to my own understanding and acknowledging you in my decisions that You will guide me,

06/02/2016

Currently on Sat duty and still feel dizzy. I just took panadols.

Yesterday I was just in the room, sleeping all day, missing all the activities and church fellowship. I was so down with back pain and headache. Today, it persist.

These days, my attention is caught by anxiety, depression, and weariness. I know it when it hit me. I've been there. Problem is I'm hard headed. I always work fast. Always wanting to hit goals when I could just give it up. Always trying to control situation cos I grew up being so responsible. Times when God is asking to give all burdens, give all anxiety, all anxiousness, all the plates I have, all the balls, I give some, not all. Today it hit me. I am so stubborn. I am one of those people who wanted things to be finished always, hit goals, push harder when I am told to give up and change heart.

I was too stubborn to cast my anxiety on him despite knowing that He cares for me. He said.
ALL, not some, not partial, I reminded myself.

What if true security comes not from what you can see, but what you can’t see?
Here's what I just read today.

Here are five tips born from years of the author's own successes and failures, and from counseling countless college-aged Christian young people on what God wants them to do next:

Start with a massive dose of humility. The art of learning anything begins when we acknowledge we don’t know everything. My friend Steve Smothermon puts it this way: “Not even God can teach the unteachable.” Want to know what God wants you to do? Get humble. God brings humility to you so He can do great things through you.

Embrace your uncertainty to find greater clarity. We can do one of two things when facing uncertainty – run from it or lean into it. What I have discovered is that our greatest clarity – of what’s really important in life – can come from those times of greatest uncertainty about what might happen next. Those times force us to focus on what matters most, both to us and to God.

Get intentional about your life direction. Mark Twain once spoke of what he described as a “soap-bubble life.” Way to many of us drift through life like bubbles, not really sure where we’re going and why, just waiting to pop. Don’t just get busy, get intentional about where you are going and why.
Surround yourself with people who know more than you do. Perhaps no piece of advice could be more critical to younger readers than this: You don’t know what you don’t know. Even though you may think you see the big picture, God has given you access to people who have been there, done that. That doesn’t mean you have to do what they did, but you can gain wisdom by listening o them. Your peers may mean well, but they know just as much – or less – than you do.

Ask the right questions. Discovering God’s will for your life is not like working with hand grenades where if you pull the wrong pin — BOOM! Walking by faith is more a process than an event.  John C. Maxwell put it this way in his book Good Leaders Ask Great Questions: “If you want to be successful and reach your leadership potential, you need to embrace asking questions as a lifestyle.” It’s hard to go wrong with asking questions. Even if they’re not always the best ones, each answer moves you forward.

-Source