30th Jan 2016

Currentlys

Feeling: Back pains. Going on for weeks now. Sometimes it freaks me out.
Wanting: My back to get better.

Saturday off. Thank You Lord for this break. Had laundry this morning and peaceful chat with an old friend. Finally accepting the fact that I could be well with them.

I honestly can't wait to hand over my resignation letter. I had a talk to Ms before she left. She tried talking to boss and the bottom line is, I could send a letter to review my package or hand over the notice letter if I am already decided. I know how the company works these days and even though the job I am doing now is fun, the environment and management aren't.

Considering the ants, they know when the rainy days are coming and so they save up during the summer. They know when to do it. They know when to quit, and they quit with a goal.

 Proverbs 30:25New International Version (NIV)
Ants are creatures of little strength,
yet they store up their food in the summer;

Your Word

It all started November last year or probably as early as three months staying abroad. I was feeling that feeling of wanting to go home already. I am having enough of work in here and I think why would I have to stay when it was even better in PH.

I have known the feeling already of what's it's like to get this dream and I am okay to go home. This decision was based on the circumstances-- I can count and recount all my reasons and I could tell you I am making a right decision. But it wasn''t all that that counts, I had also my share of getting oppositions.

By January, I tried getting approvals of yes, I was questioned of am-i-making-right-decisions, I was asked of my plans of its suitableness, I was approved by friends and family members close to me who wants me back but one particular friend kept asking me of the WORD. What was God's answer, particularly God's Word on my decision. My answers (with agitation) was you know what! I wish I could hear Him audibly say, YES! YOU CAN GO HOME BY (insert date). "BUT NO! I don't hear Him. Many times, we'd go round the circles, whereas me trying to get the approval.

One instance, I got so blown away by the questions that I smashed a '"you are being too much of a Christian". Wow I just hurt some feelings (of course I'd realize that). So, I started doubting my decision to go home that soon.  What if He's saying no.

I know I acted based on my emotions and justified my decisions to --well, Í know God wants an abundant life for me. Not to suffer. Etc. etc". I had a bunch of verses that could justify my decision.

But what was His real answer?

I prayed honest prayers --"Dear Lord, I want to know You and Your ways even if I grew up knowing You already. I don't know what to do so please help me",

Soon, far more than asking for approval or change of heart for my decision, I learned the art of seeking God.

I ask Him to change my decision if it was His will to let me stay here. To continue my service to Him in the growing ministry I enjoy sharing my life and learnings.

And..I still ask Him to approve my decision, if going back in PH was just coming back to His perfect will in the first place as I need not to go abroad to save up.

Yes, I still want to go home soon but more than that was the deep-seated feeling of putting Him first in everything. As I go to work, I ask Him for His guidance on everything I will do, to bless my hands in doing my task, I ask for wisdom even to simple things. I listen to podcast every morning. I read devotions every night. I meditate His Words every time I can throughout the day.

In all this I hunger for His revelation. I look upon His words while I continue serving Him through our bible studies. In one of our series, the Word of God, I was assigned on the second week. During this time, God was revealing much about His Word. Truly, I was ministered first. It was even humbling when they tell me they were blessed when I share.


Soon, I settled. I come to longing of continuing to knowing Him more rather than getting answers for my decisions. Revelations kept coming about life, about stories in the bible that changed the lives of many people and changed the world, and revelations how powerful He is. From audacious faith, to He-is-fighting-my-fights, to not becoming weary, to trusting Him, to He has done it already-you just have to go through it. Many things!

Sometimes, it isn't really about getting particular answers to our need and questions about His will on our career, savings, and even future earth life. He is concerned on what we are learning on who He is. The rest of our questions will be satisfied by coming to know God.


I am decided to go back to PH soon. Dear Lord, you know my prayers. You know very well my doubts.

26/01

Today I asked God for peace for my decision going back to PH. I am praying for right decisions as He build my character. I pray for divine direction.

Today's faith: God has blessed me and made my dream came true of working abroad. I have the share of doing the best I can here and I strongly feel I need to go back now. The same way God has always provided whenever I leave my previous companies, I know He will meet me and all my needs because I believe He is gracious.

Today I hold on to His promise when He said:

Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Deuteronomy 28:3
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out. Deuteronomy 28:6

Now for the conditions and if:
Previous verse it says: (verse 1) If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands.

In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,
1 John 5:3

What is then God's commandment/s, I asked. 

The Greatest Commandment
34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.

It is amazing that God only wants us to love him when we want His promises to come to life. Peace, blessing, whatever we are praying for will come from Him as we love Him.

24/01 of 2016

We moved from one room to another of same unit yesternight. Less the noise. Woke up today still feeling the same feeling and faith. I shall go home soon (insert date), and believing that God will supply all my needs. He will make me and my family prosper in the city, and in the country.

I will continue with healing and activities I've been missing for going a year already. Ahhh. I want to be back to good old satisfying physical pain of going up the mountains and exercises.

I am thinking who to give the planner I got from one of our suppliers.

Today's currently:
Reading: None. ODB this morning.
Listening: Podcast, on the life of Caleb.
Eating: Rice and Pacora. Uggg. For the savings! Drinking green tea now.
Feeling: Enclosed. No more windows in the room. A bit dark too. Also feeling sorry. I really need to control inner temper.
Wanting: None so far but ohh tickets to PH.
Needing: Support. Kindness. Probably genuine hugs.

Maybe I should write more often.


As you learn from your past, you need to begin changing your self-talk. You are not a product of your past failures, but you are a product of your thinking. Instead of labeling yourself as a “failure” or “unsuccessful” or “wounded” or whatever other negative thing your mind might say about you, transform those words to “successful, healthy, whole, powerful, strong, loved” and other words that are true about you. Start saying something different about yourself and just maybe you’ll see a difference in your attitudes, actions and outcomes. -Relevant Magazine

Jan 23

I just read one of my entries last year, the last workweek for 2015, and wow it has been a month! That was fast and now it is the last workweek for January. I wanted to continue my writing and rants here. The good rants. Haha! When we submit our lives to Him and we are praying right prayers, I believe God answers in three ways . Yes. Wait. And change of heart if it is a No.

Wants: Seriously to know more about God and His Words.
Need: Exercise. Send remittance.Fill the box. Laundry within two days.
Currently: Working on Sat shift, doing some scanning of Accounts Department's Payment Vouchers.
Listening: Listened to podcast this morning on my way to office. On the life of Jehoshaphat.

Focus and Perfect Peace

Focus and Perfect Peace

Our thoughts always wander and to focus isn't just something we can do without being disturbed even at once and so it takes a lot of effort and will to do it. The bible says in  Isaiah 26:3 (NLT) You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

I want that kind of perfect peace but how can I when it is very hard to focus. Here's some simple steps I've been trying to do when I need to focus.
Stop at what I'm doing.
Remove other distractions.
Be where I am.
and focus.

If thoughts starts to wander, refocus again.
It takes discipline.

On Language

I believe that He talks to us in straightforward manner but His stories of valuable lessons He talks in parables for us to seek Him and His Word. He uses parables as it is also a way to make His words invincible.

I love reading poems, words being woven into something cryptical. Also love euphemism and paradox, also parables. I like the idea of decrypting words.

Sometimes, I get things complicated when the words are already before me. Today it hit me. I came across about believing that God talks to us in a language we could easily understand especially with things He wanted to tell us.

Jesus told Peter to put out his nets into the deep water (Luke 5:4). Peter was a fisherman, Jesus didn't ask him to code an HTML, or if Peter knows about tax collection, or even about the bible (Jesus' eyes was already on Peter being His disciple).

He simply asked him to cast his nets to reveal something He wanted Peter to do. Peter has been fishing all night, been fishing all his life and he probably knows when to just stop because there won't be any catch on certain days. This time, Jesus came, most probably, in time he didn't know who He was but Peter obeyed. With obedience, Peter became fishers of men.

09/01 2016

Asking myself today, where do I have peace, what decision will I have joy? Certainly, of going back to PH despite I only get to save few amounts.

The past days got me off guard with the answers from my friends. I am very confused about things as I wanted revelation from God, His answers. I get to read somethings, are those His answers? I get approvals to go home, will those be also enough to be added on signs?

I needed to go abroad, not just for my dreams to just come true, but for me to learn valuable lessons in life, that in any decision, I need to constantly walk with God, intimately, so I can become aware of what God is doing and what He wanted me to do. That I need a verse to hold on to when I need to decide. I need to read His Word. I have plans already, I need confirmation, if He wills that I come back home after 1 year, may His will be done. And though it will be soooo hard for me if He wants me to stay, let His will be done.

Many plans occupy the mind of a man, but the LORD's purposes will prevail.
 Proverbs 19:21

Psalm 139:
1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Lord, I lay down to you my plans.
But do as you please Lord.