Your Word

It all started November last year or probably as early as three months staying abroad. I was feeling that feeling of wanting to go home already. I am having enough of work in here and I think why would I have to stay when it was even better in PH.

I have known the feeling already of what's it's like to get this dream and I am okay to go home. This decision was based on the circumstances-- I can count and recount all my reasons and I could tell you I am making a right decision. But it wasn''t all that that counts, I had also my share of getting oppositions.

By January, I tried getting approvals of yes, I was questioned of am-i-making-right-decisions, I was asked of my plans of its suitableness, I was approved by friends and family members close to me who wants me back but one particular friend kept asking me of the WORD. What was God's answer, particularly God's Word on my decision. My answers (with agitation) was you know what! I wish I could hear Him audibly say, YES! YOU CAN GO HOME BY (insert date). "BUT NO! I don't hear Him. Many times, we'd go round the circles, whereas me trying to get the approval.

One instance, I got so blown away by the questions that I smashed a '"you are being too much of a Christian". Wow I just hurt some feelings (of course I'd realize that). So, I started doubting my decision to go home that soon.  What if He's saying no.

I know I acted based on my emotions and justified my decisions to --well, Í know God wants an abundant life for me. Not to suffer. Etc. etc". I had a bunch of verses that could justify my decision.

But what was His real answer?

I prayed honest prayers --"Dear Lord, I want to know You and Your ways even if I grew up knowing You already. I don't know what to do so please help me",

Soon, far more than asking for approval or change of heart for my decision, I learned the art of seeking God.

I ask Him to change my decision if it was His will to let me stay here. To continue my service to Him in the growing ministry I enjoy sharing my life and learnings.

And..I still ask Him to approve my decision, if going back in PH was just coming back to His perfect will in the first place as I need not to go abroad to save up.

Yes, I still want to go home soon but more than that was the deep-seated feeling of putting Him first in everything. As I go to work, I ask Him for His guidance on everything I will do, to bless my hands in doing my task, I ask for wisdom even to simple things. I listen to podcast every morning. I read devotions every night. I meditate His Words every time I can throughout the day.

In all this I hunger for His revelation. I look upon His words while I continue serving Him through our bible studies. In one of our series, the Word of God, I was assigned on the second week. During this time, God was revealing much about His Word. Truly, I was ministered first. It was even humbling when they tell me they were blessed when I share.


Soon, I settled. I come to longing of continuing to knowing Him more rather than getting answers for my decisions. Revelations kept coming about life, about stories in the bible that changed the lives of many people and changed the world, and revelations how powerful He is. From audacious faith, to He-is-fighting-my-fights, to not becoming weary, to trusting Him, to He has done it already-you just have to go through it. Many things!

Sometimes, it isn't really about getting particular answers to our need and questions about His will on our career, savings, and even future earth life. He is concerned on what we are learning on who He is. The rest of our questions will be satisfied by coming to know God.


I am decided to go back to PH soon. Dear Lord, you know my prayers. You know very well my doubts.