April 29, 2025

Trying to write despite the busy schedule on data gathering. It's been taking much of my time but i thank God it is finally happening. Despite the busy schedule, I am grateful for the opportunity to pray for the spiritual and personal prayer items. I have never been this utmost in my prayers. 

Remembering this time of awakening, and also the time of uprooting past issues that are being brought to light so we can pray for them. 

Also, I have a new nephew. New family addition and we thank God for Baby Tyler. 

April 19, 2025

I wouldn't have known the need to do spiritual warfares and deep prayers hadn't I experience I have to win somethings with the Lord. 

I remembered through enties and devotions these words, "instead of pleading for deliverance, we might more wisely to ask about the purpose of our suffering. 

This has been on my notes since I read this. I would always say that we would really need deliverance from the things that hinders us from running the race towards God. While that still holds true for me, I realized that while we ask Him to deliver us from our trespasses, we need to also ponder the thought of the purpose of our suffering. Does this push us to be more holy? Is what I am going through allows me to seek His grace and mercy? 

The Lord did not promise us that we will be spared from suffering (John  16:33). But  when we suffer and I meant suffer from the pain of hurting the Lord, He says "instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance'' (2 Peter 3:9).

While we go through any kind of suffering, it should not numb us, but to come to Him all the more and ask for His grace. Remembering, too, that while He is gracious, He is also just. With that justice, we would fear to do the things that would hurt His heart. 

In this season, I am praying more prayers. Reading His Word like my literal daily bread. The purpose of this suffering? I need to come all the more to His feet and bow down before my King and friend. 

God is not content to let people sit in their own self-destruction. 

He is on a mission to rescue. - Bible Project

April 16, 2025

Capping off my day with a quick blog. What shame does is isolation, what grace gives is freedom. I thank God for another manifestation of His grace in my life. For when my strength ends, His grace begins. 

I am still a work in progress on some areas of my life. All I know that during these times of pain, His blood can cover me and wash me from my iniquities. 

I almost failed Him but in the end, the peace that passes understanding has covered my heart and allowed me to look up. He is the lifted of my head. 

April 11, 2025

Celebrating 2 months of sobriety and one month of exercises. This time, doubling my desire to be yielded to Him all the more as I take this new season, new chapter, and new path I am leading onto. 

As what the Word today says, I can only do all these things through Him who strengthens me. In all these successes and breakthrough, I will remember His grace and mercy that helped me through. He has been my rock and fortress and all the help I receive, people who have been there for me, are from His bounty of favors and goodness. 

I was able to share what I had been through to a trusted friend. It was a relief to finally have shared something I felt shamed from. And like a flood of His grace, I was still loved. It dawned on me that He loves me and I felt that. As I have only now focused on serving Him in all the things I can do for Him. He made me feel seen and cared by His lovingkindness. It was an answered prayer. 

I know I am still frail and weak, but in this weakness He promised that His grace is sufficient for me for His power is made perfect in my weaknesses. 

I am under His grace. 

April 9, 2025

I don't know where and how to start this blog. All I know is that this day has been one of the most memorable moments in my life. I have come face to face with the thing I dread about, confession. From few days til few hours since, words and Word have been encouraging (if the term might be right) to share what I've been trying to keep yet wanting to share. 

I remember this song as I write:

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

My chains are gone, I’ve been set free.

My God my Savior has ransomed me.

And like flood His mercy reigns,

Unending love, amazing grace.

As I end tonight, I thank God for His grace. 

April 05, 2025

Writing and crying. I just finished a chat conversation and I began to thank Him again and again for the love and grace He has for me. I am listening to Christian music and I can't help but feel the joy in my heart. I love Him so much, ultimately and with all my heart. I pray that I may live in His courts all the days of my life. 

His love dispels all my fears. Despite the challenges I am facing and the victories I have been receiving, I continue to devote myself to Him and the more I seek Him, the more I find Him. I long for His Word everyday, for His presence. 

I live for this moment. 

April 04, 2025

Writing tonight because this day has been memorable. Today, I was haunted by some of the past memories that seem to have the same stuation, only this time, I was able to navigate my emotions. I know the difference because it was me who felt these clouds that hovers my brain when something strikes me. I remember, I used to keep silent for hours, days, and weeks not entertaining the hurt. I become someone I am not. Words ring in my ears and those were the only ones I hear despite all other things going on. I feel so toxic (as someone has put on me), and accepted that. 

Today hits different. My emotions were confronted, my mindset was challenged. For the longest time, someone stood there (sit there) to listen and journeyed with me on my emotions despite that it was also hard on the other person. I even said words that hurt, not understanding it would. 

It was counseling, but the counselor was the one whom I shared pains with. I don't have any idea how the conversation would start, or even how the night would end. I just went as usual (with my clouded mind) trying to act normal in my most weird way. I know. I am not proud of this because these frustrations inside me wanting to be cool person has melted like ice. Hirap na hirap akong bumangon at tanggalin yung clouds. I just prayed. Lord, I don't know what to do but my eyes are on You. Hindi ko po ata kaya ito this time. I was pleading, asking, and despaired over the things I can't do. 

I can't even think clearly or put emotions on what I feel. But I thank the Lord for this time, I know deep inside me, He's been the Help. It wasn't my own understanding and strength anymore. For the first time, I felt understood, heard, cared about during the worst time/s of my life. He was placed first before anything. My eyes were opened, my heart softed, my mind went back to present moment. My thoughts was challenged on how little faith I have in how He could do it for me. Where have I even stood, but the shore along His ocean.