My bp has been unstable in the past week. From 90/70 to 130/90, fluctuations in 24 hours. I've been here so I know it when something is not quite okay with my body. I was sickly when I was a kid. I had hepatitis and they would always bring me to a clinic for treatment. I always take meds. I always eat liver growing up for the anemia. I grew up self medicating.
In all these, God has always been looking and taking care of me. He is the strength of my heart. He is my portion forever. I remember all the nights I was down in bed with chills and high fever in our boarding house alone, or the time when I was three days bedridden. I never make my parents get worried about me and my health even while I was in Manila having rehab treatment for my backs or when I went to Makati Med for the scanning of my ovaries. The day I had food poisoned throwing up all day while at class. The moments I blackout during my trainings and sit on a corner pretending to rest. The sick days in Dubai. Or worst, the nights I was battling with anxiety and been taking tranquilizers. And to add up, when I was diagnosed with bradycardia. All small stuff to me. I always think I can manage and independent.
I don't even mind when I get sick because I always claim to be strong. I put efforts in strengthening my muscles. I show the world my activities. One friend and the doctor told me to be open about what I'm going through and don't think about what people will say (I was once afraid they'll think I'm weak and or I'm making it up to feel cared/ nagdadrama). Only I realize I cannot always be independent and really needs care. Those who matter won't mind, those who mind don't matter.
I am just thankful that I am back home now. My mom would insist on cooking noodles for me, but I do. Their presence is of great help for me and bioflu would normally help. I thank God for He says:
A man's spirit will endure sicknesses / Proverbs 18:14
All those times of delirious moments, my spirit prays. He sustains me.
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