I have been keeping myself subtle on some issues because I know myself. Yet it doesn't stop because some people doesn't stop telling other people about the lie. When it hit me hard on a desired post, I wanted to rage. I kept myself calm and sane in the thoughts about Him who has called me for His purpose.
I cannot tell you how much patience and endurance He is giving me in dealing this suffering. How much love and support I receive from people. How painful it feels to be brushed for wrong causes and be put to shame. I bear the scar I trust people with only to be misinterpreted and betrayed.
I cry every time. I moan in my sleep. I sigh in my prayers. I give Him my anger that's been building up. I try to meditate His Word He gives that I feel so insane to even accept. Offer another cheek? Bless the ones who hurt you? Love? Stay?
I can just go and start a new life. I don't have to prove them wrong anyway but for now, I know that there's no way but through it. I shall claim what Job said, I shall come forth as gold.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Friday, February 17, 2017
17 Feb 2017
Things have gotten stalled for now and all I can do is to wait again. I read today about our tendencies to take control of matters and the enemy would try to lure us into doing things on our own to force us not to trust the One who holds everything together. "It was the same lie that Adam and Eve believed: God is withholding something good from us. If we want to be wise, we need to grasp it ourselves"
I need to rely on God on who promises me good things (James 1:17); and that even those bad things or stalled things can turn to good (Romans 10:18) if we claim and /or receive it with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4).
Despite all the stillness, I thank God for this experience.
I finished at least 4 movies in two days. I just miss exercises. Rain doesn't seem to want to stop. Hahaha.
I need to rely on God on who promises me good things (James 1:17); and that even those bad things or stalled things can turn to good (Romans 10:18) if we claim and /or receive it with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4).
Despite all the stillness, I thank God for this experience.
I finished at least 4 movies in two days. I just miss exercises. Rain doesn't seem to want to stop. Hahaha.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
02 Feb 2017
Whenever I am asked about my conversion I would always start with, 'I grew up in a Christian community church'. My cousin would bring me to Children Sunday School and I would listen to the Word each Sunday I was brought in. My parents are also God-fearing and they have imparted to us the love of Christ and how it is to be a good person.
Entering into the ministry, I am always asked about my spiritual birthday. As I would recall, my conversion wasn't like that of Saul in the Damascus. It wasn't as dramatic as a retreat event that turned my life into a 180 degrees turn surrendering my life to Christ. It was more perhaps of a series of events that continually changed my life for Him. There wasn't a specific incident, bible study, Sunday service, fellowship but a continuous growth and knowing of Him.
I would only indicate a month and a year, that is October 2000, I was 14, and felt grown up and responsible to my own thoughts and actions. Fond memories of those Sundays that even if it rains I would go to church. I would offer buying food for the guest speaker or put the chairs back to storage room after service. It was the year when my cousin left to get married and I would still go to church.
The hearing and hearing and learning the Word of God has planted seeds in me in which the elders, pastors, Christian books, have watered to grow. In addition, those camps and retreats surely made me remember my pasts and my sins (even the sins I didn't know I committed) I have not been able to dealt with while sitting a a church service. I gave my life over and over to God. I repented. I acknowledge that my life was bound to eternal damnation if it wasn't for the grace of God by the giving of His son, Jesus Christ, to bore my sins and the sins of the world to the cross of Calvary. He redeemed my life that was going to hell.
I am sure I'm still a lot of work. I am far from perfection but what I desire is continuous growth, being faithful til the end. I will always fall short of His glory and thereby cling to His grace and love only.
Entering into the ministry, I am always asked about my spiritual birthday. As I would recall, my conversion wasn't like that of Saul in the Damascus. It wasn't as dramatic as a retreat event that turned my life into a 180 degrees turn surrendering my life to Christ. It was more perhaps of a series of events that continually changed my life for Him. There wasn't a specific incident, bible study, Sunday service, fellowship but a continuous growth and knowing of Him.
I would only indicate a month and a year, that is October 2000, I was 14, and felt grown up and responsible to my own thoughts and actions. Fond memories of those Sundays that even if it rains I would go to church. I would offer buying food for the guest speaker or put the chairs back to storage room after service. It was the year when my cousin left to get married and I would still go to church.
The hearing and hearing and learning the Word of God has planted seeds in me in which the elders, pastors, Christian books, have watered to grow. In addition, those camps and retreats surely made me remember my pasts and my sins (even the sins I didn't know I committed) I have not been able to dealt with while sitting a a church service. I gave my life over and over to God. I repented. I acknowledge that my life was bound to eternal damnation if it wasn't for the grace of God by the giving of His son, Jesus Christ, to bore my sins and the sins of the world to the cross of Calvary. He redeemed my life that was going to hell.
I am sure I'm still a lot of work. I am far from perfection but what I desire is continuous growth, being faithful til the end. I will always fall short of His glory and thereby cling to His grace and love only.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)