Going back here to put my thoughts to read on. Getting better and sober for two weeks now. I guess, I've been so dependent on medications that I forgot that I can really be normal and feel emotions without having to feel it so deep and despaired.
I've been having panics attack lately. I am in a normal state of working on something when my heart rate starts beating so fast. I feel it so I know when to start my heart rate monitor on my watch, just as to prove I am really feeling it and not just acting up.
I have been praying since February about many things, and I think and feel, I am being answered by circumstances and through people I get along with. I am enjoying the companies of new friends without having to post them on social media just to say I am okay and I have friends. I try my best to do efforts for my family which I have neglected in some parts in the past years.
Going back to panic attacks, I think it is high time for me to go back once again to healthy lifestyle and diet. Yesternight, my hotpot friends began a challange for three months to lost weight. I needed that. One officemate also has the desire now to go to gym.
I thank God for these inspirations. I thank Him for allowing me to see the answers to my prayers and to still know and understand it is Him who works things with me. I have friends I can go out with and friends I find peace with just by talking with them. I feel His love that overhelms me. I thank Him for forgiving my sins and not looking on to it as something I should be disgraced about but to only know that His grace is sufficient for me.
Two weeks ago, I am busy and messy. Not that I have fallen apart but I was too busy in the ministry that I forget to focus on Him. I have been sleeping so much just to forget. Today, I woke up early and started ticking off list of my to dos so I can be productive and find more time with Him through devotions, prayers, and singing hymns.
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