30 April 2016 Plans

There has been thought rehearsals in the past that I hoped to happen when I come back. Those vivid dreams that used to be my simple joys at waking hours by the bus or streets. Those times helped me endure such hard days abroad.

I remember the phrases once more. 'There's a life we can enjoy even if it is the life we hadn't plan'.

Our twenties are about failing, tweaking, then trying again. The best plan we can make is to continually plan to make new plans. One of the most crucial skills we can learn in our twenties is adaptability. 

'All failure is failure to adapt, all success is successful adaptation'.

Once we are able to adapt despite a life we have not planned is a succesful living.

Knowing that God holds our future, when we surrender it to Him, gives us a whole new meaning of hope more than what we could ever think of.  While we can make plans (Proverbs 19:21). His purpose shall prevail. All things work together for good to those who love God. 

Has your plans been thwarted? Adapt. Thank God for a will and life you can continue to search in Him. We may not understand what's happening but He wants us to trust in Him despite failed plans. Continue to do good work (Gal 6:10) Seek Him continually and put him first. If we dine with Him always, don't you think you will change? 

30 April 2016 Contentment

But waiting for happiness, whether you are single waiting for marriage, married waiting for children, or married waiting for your spouse to change, is idolatrous territory. When we hold our joy captive until we get what we want, a vicious cycle of discontentment begins. God calls us to be content right now for whatever circumstance we have. 

Hebrews 13:5: Be content with what you have, for He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.

28 April 2016 Store

“Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Proverbs 6:6-8

Leviticus 26:10 

“You will still be eating last year’s harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new.”

This was one of the promises I received when I was abroad. The passage is one of the verses in the blessings of obedience when we don't make ourselves idols and bow down to it. If we observe Sabbaths and we carefully follow His commands, He will bring blessings. 

Wisdom calls for us to store up, His holiness humbles us to acknowledge His sovereignty over the blessings we receive. 

Day 15 The Case of Forgetting and Remembering

Our minds are wired to remembering many things. We would wonder sometimes why pain is easier to remember, it is because it leaves scars. Those scars that's visually on the surface of our skin, that runs in the hearts, and unlike happy moments that only leave memories. 

Those painful experiences come easier to remember than that of good ones. Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events — and use stronger words to describe them — than happy ones.

The cure for forgetting is actually remembering, as opposing it may seem. Remembering the good things, thus shall require focus and thinking in the midst of pain and suffering. It is bringing to remembrance the many good things of we really are as the bible says we are. Remembering what needs to be done at the moment, putting ourselves to state of  present mindfulness rather than submerging ourselves on the mud of pain. In all this, healing will be faster. It is also good to remember the guidance of the Holy Spirit as it says
John 14:26
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

We cannot remember unless we are aware. Reading through to know, what does the bible says I am?
I am a child of God
Jesus conquered the world.
Life and peace can be found in Christ.
God has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us.

God is gracious and gives wisdom to those who ask.

God is close to the broker hearted.

Jesus is my saviour and deliverer.

Let’s do our best to remember that God is sovereign, God loves us, and who we are in the sight of God. In everything we do, let's do it for Him moment by moment and leave our worth for him to determine. And when we start feeling any pain, let’s fill our thoughts with truth again.

26 April 2016 Future and Restoration

All you know is my history, not me. I know myself. -Anthony, Extracted 2012 

I was rummaging thru old stuff and documents when I was reminded about life.

Life is not all about history but mainly about our eternal future. Are we doing something today that shall be counted to what lies ahead? Or are we checking all that happened in the past that reminds us of what we have become today? I was once. I have been repeating thoughts why it pointed out to the person I had become. I was reliving past when I could look and think about the future. 

While the bible always tell tense in the past. It is done. (Come on, Jesus said it is done. Why don't you believe what you preach) Its promise is futuristic. He has come to give life to have it abundant. 

God's ministry is not condemnation but restoration. God makes everything new. 

25 April Bum

Coldplay, Damien Rice, Adam Soundtrack, and some pages from Buddy Harrison. 

Living in an awkward state. I know I am not used to this kind of life but I know I have to wait. For now, I've got time to read. Listen to music all day. Sleep. Serve my family cooking meals for them. I need to endure the waiting. The time of resting and redemption. 

Dear Jesus, I am going fishing. I will wait for You. 

24 April 2016

It has dawned on me. Hello to the days of trust. The days of uncertainties. God has prepared me and my heart to this. He is in control and sovereign. 

Been sick since I woke up. Kind of adjusting so the day went from taking lot more rest and fixing some stuff. It was He is like saying don't worry, just rest for now. You've got many things to do see but rest first. When you aren't sure what to do next, do the next thing. So I did what I had to do today. Cross each mountain, each bridge. Or even if it means take just few steps, or as still as pitching your tent.

 

23 April 2016

Fever, out of nowhere bleeding, headache. Reading John 21.  

22 April 2016 Wake Me Up

It was like a dream. I slept last night, partially woke up with the blinding lights, colorful, weird fonts everywhere. Few more hours it continued. I was building friendships, earning, I was everyday walking, gotten sick, I went to places, met random people, some patterned hours, routines, I read a lot, got hurt, think I learned milestones-- everything was like overnight and I soon I was on rapid eye movement. I found myself gasping, about to wake up from the night. I was hoping not to wake up yet. Then I was at the boarders. 

If not with the blogs, with some traces of messages, calls, transfers, new names on my phone, timeline posts where I was tagged, some hurts,  I wouldn't believe it happened. I still can't believe it happened. I may not believe it actually happened. Maybe I am still dreaming but no, I am up at this very hour. 

I will now face a new day. My reality. It was all but a dream. Maybe not. It was part of my reality.

22 April 2016 Midnight

Just this morning, I had to write about the waiting I have accepted to endure in the next coming days. It was triggered by a waiting-in-agony as I will terribly miss the lifegroup prolonging my passion to see them. I have come to love them so much. I cannot tell in one blogging all the memories I have shared with them and the trust, love, and messages they have given me.

Tonight was just incredible. I messaged our HR asking for one last update before the day ends and before weekend comes.

To make it short, the HR gave me favor to give my passport despite the lack of cancellation stamp and soon I am meeting her near the flat to hand over my document. That all happened in span of 30 minutes.

That was sudden that meeting the lifegroup for sendoff happened tonight. I held my emotions tightly. We ate as usual and Iya had to open a little program where they had to say something about me, then gave me message that touched my heart. I could have recorded their messages, but as told, like the movie in Secret Life of Walter Mitty, 'beautiful things don't seek attention'. Their messages warmed my heart that I will treasure as long as I live. Their comments humble me as I give glory to God who has given me every good thing I have become. The release with love and approval gave me, all the more, peace I have been feeling in the past days.

I wish I could bring them with me, but the pain I am feeling cannot compare to the joy that's coming. That's the joy of waiting upon the coming of the Lord, the joy of what He has taught me, the joy of knowing and experiencing the blessing of these people in my life despite our short but sweet memories. I plead that may our individual relationship with Christ continues until He comes. That's the best thing I could ask for the group. I am still overwhelmed by each one's had to say about me, matter-of-factly shock to praises and gifts that I have received. 

What an incredible journey. I give all praises, glory, honor that only our God deserves.

21 April 2016 On the Wait to What

I started working when I was in high school. I work for my parent's grocery and would get 100 pesos for a 12-hour duty being a cashier and helping in the computation. In college, I use my vacation time doing summer jobs and before I finish college, I already have a job as technical support in ePLDT. Everytime I pursue a new job, I would have three days to two weeks vacation only before embarking the new career.

There would always be a backup plan and because of His grace, the Lord has always provided new jobs even without having to seek.

It is one thing to be strong, another thing that your strength be tested. Before I hit another decade, I have wanted to work abroad, not to stay for long but to see what's out there. During the time of stay, numerous times I encountered how to wait. And with waiting, another thing is to wait without assurance (that's faith). It is somehow relieving to wait when you know you are waiting for something but to wait for uncertainties will require much more than planning each day's list of to dos and goals.

To be honest, waiting for uncertain things is really testing my steadfastness and patience. I know myself that when a plan (which I have carefully checked and prayed about) doesn't happen, I get uneasy. My nerves would like to break off and I become fidgety. I very know of that as it happened with my sister, my friends, and family. Coming to think of it, it might be because during my childhood, my family would always plan on going out, and at the last minute, it does not happen. I find myself not talking for the next hours to next days just because things doesn't go as planned. It happens countless times that I developed silent anxieties as with planning and going. All this has been surrendered to God and I thank Him for the grace which is like an infinity pool I swim to.

The first three months of trying to seek a job abroad, we would stay inside the flat looking for opportunities online (yes, application online is the best possible way)-- I had to wait. When I got the interviews, I had to fast for the job I liked (which well God has greater plans why I wasn't able to get that), and upon exit for residence visa, I had to wait again (without certain date when the visa will be released). During the months of staying-- I waited til I turn one year and finish off some goals.

Two days before the flight, the plan to go home was cancelled indefinitely. I knew that everything in the past had come to test me and my patience. Everything has been set. It has been planned (coupled with prayers). Surely, this is a delay and I had to wait for completion of papers despite all the days of previous waiting.

The powerful thing that happened is that God has provided the extension of my patience. I knew I could flare up. I admit, I still feel the disappointment as this has been talked about and raised two months before. I couldn't even believe that I told them I understand it perfectly as it happened, it is beyond their control, while at the back of my mind, I knew there were faults. I have set aside concerns and focus on the great things that God can do in my days of waiting. I know I have tendencies to take matters at hand but this time, I just let some things go out of my control which was painstakingly relieving. I know I am a work in progress and growing to maturity.

The emphasis of the waiting, in most contexts where the words for waiting occur, is on the impact waiting on the Lord’s return should have on our daily walk. The waiting in the bible actually points to our waiting in the Lord for His coming and its importance on daily walk. The little waitings in our lives (waiting to finish school, waiting for land a job, waiting in line, waiting for celebrations and many waitings we can think of) are but preparation to how we should wait upon the Lord. Not solely by our own strength, not by our power, not with the gritting of teeth but waiting with hope and love, waiting joyfully, waiting patiently.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
and yes, there is a  promise for those who wait for the Lord -- He will renew their strength. (Isaiah 40:31), Talk about command but with promise. The main objective and focus in our lives is that when we get the understanding on the waiting for the Lord, the waiting on other small things (that sometimes overwhelms us as we become out of focus, letting it be magnified big) in our lives will become easier as it should be.

20 April 2016 In Delays

When anxiety hits me, I usually cannot sleep. At 1am yesterday, I received the message from HR that there will be some delays despite the booked flight. It took me some more minutes before shutting down my phone to sleep. The first verse that came to my mind then and the first thing I meditated upon waking up was this.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

I was amaze at the peace I am feeling these days. Yes, there's hurt. There's pain. I cannot deny some truths despite putting them aside most of the times. I don't talk about it. I don't open it up anymore. I seem to be at peace that it is so unbelievable. I used to have panic attacks when some delays happened coming here. I think when we pray prayers we cannot answer, that's trust.

19 April 2016 Sleeping

I had coffee last night (from the Pullman!) and was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep as easy as it will be. The amazing thing that happened is that I felt so drowsy just when I went to bed and I wasn't able to finish a lesson as I was listening to, so I slept after short prayer and the sleep was for 12 hours!

1. Live in a constant state of peace --even in the midst of tempest.
When the small squall came, Jesus was sleeping -- He might have been tired, as previous chapters in Matthew 8 shared of what He has been doing in the past hours or days. The storm was sudden (as soon as Jesus went to the boat to rest). But notice the disciples -- thought had been with Jesus in the ministry, was all up because of the fear of the storm. Jesus was sleeping, the disciples were anxious. If we wanted to become Christ-like, we should thrive for the kind of peace Jesus has. He lives in a constant rate and state of heart and rest.

2. Be honest with prayers.
The good thing about the disciples is that they were honest with what they feel, telling Jesus to save them because they might get drowned. Be honest with what we feel. Jesus knows our doubts and fears.

3. Focus on the work of the Lord.
We should focus on the work of the Lord that even during storms of life, we would just be in a state of rest. Serve God in the church and wherever He brings you. Focus on what He wants you to do.

Rest is not a destination point, it is a journey. We should always be in a constant state of rest. It is a condition after we give all our burden and weariness to Him (Matt. 11:28:30). Always be honest with your prayers, surrendering all to God, thanking Him for everything. Focus on the work of the Lord.

18 April 2016 Anniversary

Yesternight we were at a joint lifegroup (Humility and Passion). It was a night of praise and worship, to conclude this month's intimacy with God series.

I cried with honest prayers when I felt I had the need to tell Him what I really feel. I was like a child telling my Father what happened. I prayed for a humble and teachable heart. I surrendered all other fears.

Today marks our one year in Dubai and yesterday was a manifestation of God's weaving of lives into His plans. I said, during the first three months, I couldn't figure out what was happening til the picture went all clear.

I was meditating on Joshua in the pursuit of the land God is giving them. God commanded Joshua to be strong and courageous, to not fear nor discouraged. God orders Him to take stand. The promise wasn't He will give strength or courage, the promise is that He will be with him wherever he goes.

The promise that God will be with us should be more than enough for us to take our stand in having courage. Romans 8 talks about the life through the spirit and that we should live according to the Spirit and not of flesh. In 31, it says, ..'if God is for us, who can be against us?'. To this, the promise that He is for us should give us strength to go on. The command is to be strong and courageous, the promise is that He will be with us.

17 April 2016 Ironic

It was just crazy! I thought yesternight during the leader's meeting for the clusters of lifegroups. It was for the outdoor activities and other topics for all YAMs within the FB cluster. My leader asked me to come despite the knowing of my leaving.

So it was insane right! I said when someone from another lifegroup asked me of my flight. She gave me a nod of approval after hearing what I had to say and what revelations came. It was too ironic that at the heights I am leaving. The future is really bright yet I am going to uncertainties --from comfort zone to uncomfortable ones. Insane as it looks, it is wonderfully at peace. Sometimes we don't understand it but when we yield ourselves to God, makes Him sovereign of our lives, He will lead us to quite waters.

I was meditating on blessings and curses from the book of Deuteronomy last night before I sleep when wonderful revelations from God came. Those precious moments humbles me. I have been learning more to read the bible in context of what He is saying rather than getting verses which I can use for my benefits. It was a thing so strong that I went to being grateful how rich and powerful He is. How holy and righteous yet gracious and merciful He is.

16 April 2016 Endurance on Quitting Points

I can't tell you how much and how many gritting of teeth I've come across at random times that if I hadn't any control, there would be sarcasm, hurtful words, more relationship stains, blotched testimonies. It is easier to flare up, throw things, or walk away. But life isn't all about us and our stained character. As when we aim for Christ-likeness, we learn to even love and endure despite the pain and trials.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

James 1:12 NIV

For me building of endurance isn't easy, it had to be a handoff of the baton to something stronger than my limits--the One who gives me strength. His grace never leaves us, that when we are actually on the edge, He's already there. He is always the extension in our limitations. We just have to acknowledge His presence. God promised the reward of the crown of life when we are able to endure quitting points. I acknowledge He gives me the ability to endure, as I know if endurance shall come from self practice, it is pride. Endurance with humility is what I aim. 

So hey self, just when you are about to--just think about it.  

15 April 2016: Dear Me

So I have time to write now. Currently resting from cooking. There were big revelations from God in the past days and I hope to write it in time. For now, I shall update myself on what's been going.

I feel my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving them. Yes, I found my worth and I felt the care they have for me. I have never put my emotions in front of the lifegroup. I try to manage my cares and the attachment I can only give and even take. During the past year, I found myself loving them. It was amazing that God's love was overflowing.  But I have to go back. It has been confirmed already. I will continue to pray for the group.

I wish to write more. The writings I put makes me remember my devotions. The times I overcame nights when God was the only comfort I have. When even the questions I raise myself I try to answer and justify no more. The joys of eureka. I wanted to be reminded how at those random times of eating and eating the Word of God has given me revelations from the Holy Spirit. It was marvelous. At the bus, before I sleep, waking up, random times-- I digest words and paragraphs that's changing me. I cannot tell you how much things has changed dear self, but you know it. Just continue to cling to His Words and take this big chance of your life. Remember it and write about it.


Habakkuk 2New International Version (NIV) 
I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

2 Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald[b] may run with it. 3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it[c] will certainly come and will not delay.

I don't have much plans in the coming days (except for devotions-- standing by myself at the stations on the ramparts). I just thank God that despite the heartaches of leaving, and probably on the who is there in the coming, He is making me steadfast.

And yes, it is okay self --good job on accepting the eventuality. When the hurt hits, ask God for comfort.

What Day

Major major revelations from God these days that I couldn't contain. Yes I am broken, but He holds me together. I am willing to take time, yes, willing to wait. 

Day 43

I might not be able to continue for now with the current state that I have so writing it off wouldn't help. The pressure on the pain is too much that I am screaming these days. I might pass out. 

Day 42 Desert and Storms

We were created to experience abundant life (Genesis 1:26...so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.") but because of sin, we experience seasons of life apart from abundance. It may not be always summer but we can be assured that God is there through any season.

We know when we are in the season of blessings and abundance, when all is well, when things are going our way, when we are being blessed. In my devotions, I took looks at other seasons we experience in life.


In the desert.
Hosea 13:5 (NLT)
5 I took care of you in the wilderness, in that dry and thirsty land.
In the desert we may not have problems we can't face but we are so empty, we don't seem to be advancing. When it feels that even our spiritual life is dry. It isn't really bad in this season unless because of sin. We know that it could only be consequence of what we've done wrong, but apart from any of it, season of dryness can be an opportunity for us to receive new things, fresh water. A time to stay in faith, a time to trust God. Being human, Jesus himself conquered all temptations in the dessert (Matt. 4)

In the storm.
Mark 4:37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
In the storm is where we are being bombarded by so many things that's happening. Thunderstorms, waves rocking our state of balance, life so swamped. It may seem that He doesn't care if we drown. But He is with us. He calms the storm.

In the desert, there's hunger and need. Rest assured He will provide.
In the storm, we learn quietness and trust, we have to be still and know He is God.

Day 41 EQ

My emotions are upswinging these days.

In one of my workouts, someone told me that in order to do your exercises, you have to be mentally strong. Since then, I put on efforts to my repetitions, adding one or two more in the usual 15 reps/ set. I am able to do what I was given to me, sometimes doing overtrainings (which well, needs to be checked also). It isn't emotions that drives physically fit people, as there will be days you just don't feel like doing it, it is your mental ability.

In this, to be able to be emotionally strong, you need emotional exercises. In my readings this morning, I found some nice article on what our behaviors should practice to be emotionally solid. These have been updated based on my personal needs. So dear self, here we go.

1. Properly label your emotions so you can accurately identify what you're going through.  It isn't just happy or sad-- know other emotional terms.
2. Have empathy. Listen to other people's stories. Understand other people. As you were given grace, you are giving yourself grace, give others the grace they deserve.
3. Be adapting, moreover, to changes.
4. Know who you are so you won't get easily offended. Don't be defined by what other people think of you and their opinions.
5. Keep mistakes and sad thoughts at a safe distance. Dwelling makes you anxious, forgetting bounds you to do same mistakes.When it becomes uncontrollable, surrender it to God.
6. Control your interactions. Know when and whom you can talk to at certain times. When to check social media.
7. Not perfection, growth. Not speed, resilience.
8. Be grateful.
9. Keep stress under control. Know when to disconnect, or getting self to workout.
10. Know when to drink coffee.
11. Rest. Sleep well. Eat right. If you don't and you practice otherwise, it'll get you mad. You know that well.
12. Best of all, read the bible. Reading, practicing, becoming.

Day 40 Zipline

Still ecstatic and I couldn't believe it. Had a wonderful zip line experience at Downtown Dubai from Burj Residences, overlooking Burj Khalifa, to Dubai Mall and it was for free 😍😍 Thank You Lord and for your sweet surprises! I couldn't even help but posting it on Facebook 😜. My blog was something about lessons I've been doing this morning but today calls for this post. 

The free ride was only for Lab (who knows someone working in Burj Residences) and Jhez. It was supposed to be last Friday but it rained. I am not to come then that day as I was cooking for the lifegroup. 

So it happened today. I came with them without plan I'd do it as it was only for two people. I got nervous and excited when the sponsor said me and Iya could go! 

Up there, I couldn't remember anything I was thinking. I was so free. My thoughts was blankly amazed at thankfulness. I didn't took a selfie up there. I just wanted to feel it. My mind was floating that I forgot everything else. That 45 seconds was like little infinities I could treasure. I could be free as that while thanking God. I remember my old self who used to get excited even at small things. How even walks outside makes me happy and carefree and most probably it is high time to relive the character. 

We appreciate things in life when we acknowledge that everything belongs to Him and He can even give us surprises we could be so grateful for. We appreciate things because we rarely have them and when we get it, it is just amazing.  

Day 39 In the Quiet

It is true, we live in a world where we can always find something to distract us; set bucket lists that can be done to be used in our time. We are in constant state of doing something to show something. Outrageous days, fun-filled nights, awesome adventures are the things we can do to fill our days. But most of the times, we would sit or lie down, asking ourselves what to do. During these moments, we actually realize things and to-dos that matter. What's expected of me today. What should I be doing. If nothing is required, it is okay to stay silent. To even look at the ceiling. To be okay not to feel okay. To be asking God to lift us up. To let Him search us in our sincerest state.

One of those times I was in the hospital taking care of my brother who had acute pancreatitis, my sister who is a nurse told me that our body has the ability to heal itself. God has given these antibodies to help us recuperate. Sleeping and resting cause these to work in itself. We sometimes need not any medicine to help us get better, rather just rest.

It is okay to fall silent, to be just contented whether we do something audacious or just mere sitting, to be doing nothing, to rest even if we are not tired.

That's when we appreciate the things we're anticipating, the joy that's coming, the hope we're learning. Silence-and-rest is contentment-and-purification.Yes, God often comes in the quite and He thinks it is precious. (Peter 3:4 the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. )

We can be still, and know He is and will always be God.

Day 38 Martian and Movies

I've seen the movie 'The Martian'. I don't cry at movies but this one's got me. It's a great film. 

We can't have a good story without a good struggle. The story depicted the life of Mark Watney when he was stranded in planet Mars with xx SOL days for food and needs. In the end, he was able to survive and rescued by the crew. It says in great attempt, it is glorious even to fail. It is more glorious when it goes beyond limitations, expectations, and becomes a success. 

Yes, we can't have a good story without a good struggle. But the struggle should only give glory to our God. In whatever circumstance we get into, it should tell an end pointing to the cross.

I thank God for the teaching He gave us last Monday. I was nervous, I could cry. 

I've also seen The War Room, a great film. I shall blog it at time of preparation for the next Mondays's fellowship.

Day 37 Jogging

Starting on my jogging routine wasn’t easy, an activity far more than sitting on a couch like a potato is like waking up very early while you are still dreaming, yawning. Thinking of the kilometers to run makes me feel like giving up the whole idea. Endurance, it is, not speed is what I aim. I maybe jogging quite few meters but enduring the pain of waiting while be worthwhile.

Endurance is the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. It is the power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships.

This was Paul’s prayer and one of my favorite verses that I always quote.


We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us. (Col. 1:-12, The Message)

He prays for the endurance to make someone last, not to endure through self-endurance but the endurance that comes from the glory-strength of God.

To last long, stay longer. This was one of the words of encouragement I received from a teaching. There are a lot who give up, because they depend on their own strength. The thing is, we can’t because, we are limited. It is the God-strength that endures the unendurable, that helps us find love that hopes, protects, trust, have no end.

For anyone who is suffering from pain – I pray for strong frame, strong back, to endure what we are going through. A night, although dark, will come to an end by dawn break.

Tough times never last, but tough people do.  – Robert H Schuller

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.  – Thomas Paine

Day 36 Training

In the past months, I have trained at least four people for posts in the office. I was honored when HR wants me to train them. When the first one came, I was very hopeful and eager to teach her everything, not keeping anything I have known and techniques I have been doing. I like teaching. I feel passionate about it. After the third day, the trainee backed out. The training was tiring as I was doing my daily task and I have to teach. Following week, a new trainee came. Then another trainee. And another. I always feel exhausted but I was amazed at the energy I give whenever I train them.

This experience led me to remembrance of our passion in Christ.

We should never lose the tenderness that the cross evokes in our hearts. It should continuously take our breath away. It should be our passion to know Him more.

After each training, I become so spent. As much as the same energy I wanted to give each day for training, I feel sapped from talking the whole day trying to have them absorb the task. I was commended by the two people I trained in the office. I was humbled to hear they tell each other of how it all went, all for God's glory.

The reality of human life is that there will be some days that aren’t mountaintop experiences. Some days will be filled with conflict, homework, errands, laundry, loss, pain, bitterness and—hardest of all—apathy. I wish every day were filled with great community, exciting missions work, christian concerts and prayer gatherings. But the truth is, most of our lives are spent somewhere between these two realities. Most days we get a little of both.

Being a Christian has little to do with how we feel, but everything to do with God’s covenant with us.

The sign of an authentic relationship with God is that it allows itself to change over time. In any relationship, we have to adapt and fight to overcome new challenges. If we try to cling to how it was at the beginning, we will never grow in actual relationship. The truth of God’s unconditional love for us never changes, but we have to let that truth be expressed differently as needed in different seasons.

Day 35 Embrace the Season

Today I finished the book 'Me Before You', the ending wasn't the one I have wanted or at least expected. Just to quote one good line, Will's mother said, we hope that he can see that 'there's a life he can enjoy, even if it is not the life he hadn't plan.

The Israelites lived for many years in Egypt that they have adapted Egyptian culture and have been used to the life of being slaves. In their journey to the promise land, they felt as if they were brought from slavery to more wildness experience, more terrible place (Numbers 20:5). They were complaining about how their lives was better in Egypt. 

In the desert is where they experienced to be emptied, sanctified, purified. It is where God gave them the ten commandments and sets of guide to living. In the desert is where they had learning, miracles, experiences, and even witness the grace of God despite their stubbornness. 

We might have not known what is freedom and fulfillment of God's promises because we have lived a life of slavery. We are so accustomed to living in it that we don't enjoy the journey of His revelations along the way. But yes, there's a life we can enjoy with God in whatever the circumstance (contentment, peace, freedom) even if we are not living in a life we hadn't plan --our own plans (getting rich, having cars, making money).

If we have decided to obey God, and we feel uncomfortable and it feels like we're on the desert, let's not worry, God is working for our real and eternal freedom.

Day 34 Liz Keen

I've been watching the 'The Blacklist' for almost three years now. In the recent episode, Red asked Liz why she forgave Tom despite all the secrets he kept from her since they met, she simply said, 'Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it can change the future'.

Weeks ago, one of my old friends suddenly messaged me wanting to see me when I come back. Just today, another old friend asked me if I am still angry with her. Amazed, amused, I said 'Ha?I actually surrendered it all to God. All okay'. She said she wanted to apologize.

If reconciliation isn't possible, forgiveness always is.Yes, it may not change the past, but it could change the future. Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending nothing has been done, but it is like there's nothing to blame other people for. This state can actually come only if we experience forgiveness from God through our repentance. When we grasp the idea of the mercy He has given us, like an ocean, forgiving others, is like a river coming from it.

Day 33 These days

Most of the time, I am able to gather myself by finding strength in the hope of the Lord. When I am reminded by earthly pains, I remind myself about the eternal glory. I should remain faithful and steadfast to the reason why Jesus died on the cross for me. Focusing on His face, not on the waves. 

My prayer is not to be able to endure the pain but to surrender each and every heartache to Him who is able to change me. 

Unless I submit the things which I cannot carry myself, I will always be burdened from them.