11 Dec 17/ Handling Apologies Even If We Are Not Yet Ready

Sometimes, it puts us in the “wrong” if we tell the apologizer with 'I’m not ready', but when we're hurt and we are not yet ready to accept other people's apology, how do we deal with the pain?

I was afraid that when people apologize, it was to ease them of the burden but that doesn't imply that their behavior is going to change.

It was my thinking that I will only have to accept the apology and move on from it and accept the other person's limitations and probably their ignorance. It was to make them feel forgiven from the things they can't do for you.

I would often say that it was even better not to feel the feeling, and worse, telling them what you felt but I realize that it isn't always learning how to accept apologies but learning to protect ourselves from disappointments, handling disappointments better, surrendering your disappointments.

Here's some key points I learned.

But first, in as much as possible, try not to start a quarrel because 'starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.' ( Proverbs 17:14) but if it happens..


1. It happens.

Disappointment happens when our expectations fail. It occurs to every one and every relationships, but as easy as saying don't expect, our core does, our plans look forward to happening, and we surmise with the words of other people.

Our thoughts must not be 'don't expect' but to put our hopes (and anchor) it with the Lord.

Psalm 130:7...put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.


2. Allow to feel..because we will get exhausted with pretending we're not okay.

“Pain begs to be felt—or life will beg you to feel not one emotion at all. Emotion means movement — and emotions are meant to move you toward God.” ~ The Broken Way


3... but put limitations to your emotions. While we often dwell with pain, we can exert effort to remember all other good. Remembering how much you love the person, all the sacrifices, would help you put limit to the sad situation. Do not allow the situation to destroy relationships.  Try to look forward and think that you will only have to go through it to become better at handling emotions.Your relationship matters more than the faults.

4. Objective contemplating.  It is good to think about what happened in an objective manner (not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts) so we can weigh things and be better at decision making.

5. Surrender. While it is inevitable, and you can't just ignore your emotions, and so allowing it (with limitations) would help, thinking objectively and ultimately surrendering will make us better at handling disappointment.

Running from it, staying away from it, and giving in it to it are not better options. Instead, cast your burdens and give your anxieties to Him (Ps 55:20. 1 Pet 5:7) because He always care. Come to Him and take rest. Learn His gentle and lowly heart so that our souls will find rest (Matt 11:28).

30 Oct 2017

Four months ago and the year that was, I had a lot of time of time writing and contemplating before the visions came to reality, I got the job I've been praying for after a year and 4 months! The longest period I was jobless. God's provision  was enough, I never thought I'd get to and from Manila with allowances from parents and sales from what I do at home.

So my first day at work was August 7. During my days in July, my going back and forth Manila went almost everyday for interviews, having meetings --even right before my birthday. I feel something's going good is on my way. I had to put an entry to IG that says I could almost feel it. I continued entrusting the Lord for His ways. I won't be able to share how many times I was overwhelmed by graces I receive, blessings I get, support I experience, the love and care I gain.

To top it all, I made peace with old friends I used to pray for redemption with. The learnings were far greater than the answer to my specific prayers. His blessings were far best than what I thought. The surrender means receiving more of what He could give.

It was in September when I graduated from worship team --His grace has sustained me to endure all those days of training. For an icing, I was blessed with what a sign from many years ago. 'Best days all ahead since that June outdoor.  

I make writings as mnemonics, photos as metaphors, words as revolutionary realities.  

To conclude why I wasn't able to write here: within the three months of working, I was busy adjusting, scheduling, making it big without intentions, being invited to president's office, receiving good favors, and working as if I've been working here for years. I write, I research, I make plans, I design, I photograph, I go out of office, I meet people, I teach them. 

I was inspired to write again.

08 Jul 2017

I will tell it here. I sort of stopped reading the bible (not that I fully stopped but yeah rested, which was wrong I know) in the past as I have been receiving His word about love and unity and fighting the good fight of faith and get desperate on His timing. So I allowed myself to some games, I mean all day I'm gaming, until I get to be visited in dreams to continue to love and care for the people hard to love. To be reminded to pray for them even if I cry of pain for justice, bowing to redemption, giving it all for hope.

Other aspects of my life seem pretty okay but this one's like what Paul said of a thorn. Where His grace meets me at my desperation.

Today I seek for His answers and behold, truth between us has been found and His tender love was relayed tonight. Sweet Jesus. He is gracious.

28 Apr 2017

If you have seen my previous blogs and tweets, you would have known I've been reading 1 Samuel. 

I learned a lot about the lives of Samuel, Saul, David and Jonathan. Yesternight before sleeping I went ahead to reading 2 Samuel. 

At 1:30am, I was sleeping when I heard my Tatay called my name. He used to go out every Thursday night for Brgy duties as a Kagawad so I thought it was him who called me. I said aloud. Po? Then no one answered back but I was very sure I heard my name while I was sleeping. 

I went out of bed to go to parents room. Asked my father if he came by to call me. He said no. He was sleeping and he came early from duties. About 10pm.

I went back to bed and gotten sleep with thoughts why it happened. 

Came morning I realized what happened. Could it have been what I have been praying, that He speaks to me. In visions, in His Word, in dreams. 

I pray that He will speak to me and also He will give me the ability to Hear. 

27 Apr 2017

and no matter how Saul has been so mean to David, to the point the later has to protect his own life, he still had to show his kindness to King Saul. 

“This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.’ See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. See that there is nothing in my hand to indicate that I am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.”

1 Samuel 24:10-13 NIV

http://bible.us/111/1sa.24.10-13.niv

25 Apr 2017

David was anointed to be the King of Israel at young age (1 Samuel 16) but became one only after around 40 more years of King Saul's reign. During this period, series of court services, confusions, fleeing to strongholds from fear of being killed, fighting battles, promises, misjudgements, pretending to be insane (1 Sam 21:13), and inquiring of the Lord has happened in the life of David. 

The Book of Psalm (which I read prior to 1 Samuel) was his joys and lamentations during this period. Wow! 

26 Apr 2017

“So David hid in the field, and when the New Moon feast came, the king sat down to eat. He sat in his customary place by the wall, opposite Jonathan, and Abner sat next to Saul, but David’s place was empty. Saul said nothing that day, for he thought, “Something must have happened to David to make him ceremonially unclean—surely he is unclean.””

1 Samuel 20:24-26 NIV

David did not join Saul in the new moon fellowship (probably dinner) for he has been fleeing from Saul saying 'what did he do, what is his guilt that Saul is seeking His life. When Saul did not find him in his seat on this fellowship, he thought he must have been unclean. 

24 Apr 2017

Desmond: What am I supposed to do now?

Father: Whatever comes next.

18 Mar 2017

Moving on is hard.
For me it is actually getting by.
You get by every second, of every minute, everyday in every week, to every month of each year.
You learn how to live with it.
With the sad times, happy memories.
You learn to live with the scars and victories.
You do what's required of you today,
Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake up.
Maybe at least a little push on what else you can do.
Read. Run. Write.
You get by.
A little each time. Maybe inch by inch.
Til it only ache sometimes. Dream of it sometimes.
Til you forget some specifics. And things get redeemed by new memories.
Maybe keeping memories will work for you,
Or like me, out of sight out of mind.
Whatever works. As simple as just letting time pass by. Just get by.

/ Yan ang nasa isip ko habang nasa tricycle kagabi papuntang bayan. Maalinsangan ang panahon. Kasama ko parents. Hahaha.

16 Mar 2017

Every good thing comes from above. This even the pain and suffering can be a blessing.

11 Mar 2017

I am learning to love the life I walk on even if it isn't the life I have planned for. To be a personal witness of the life that's unfolding before me than be thinking of the life I would have wanted.

There are times I feel sad about people who should have built me up than tear me down. Or how come there exist misunderstandings despite being honest, or some people could speak but is hesitant to do so. And cycles of brokeness ripples to people, plans, prayers that could have been. All I know is that God can work things out despite the burdens we unitentionally put to people or what we receive from them.

I could be to Europe this year, could have given jobs to locals, have health plans, have been more confident, could have started my versions but for now I must be forgiving, more self-controlled, loving. To continue serving the Lord despite the pains from people I trust. To hold my tongue and refrain from passing on hurtful words. After all, we aim for His will, and it is our holiness amd righteousness. We wanted to bear fruit of the Holy Spirit and not merely successes on plans. These are of eternal value.

04 Mar 2017

Be still my soul, be still. Trust in the Lord.

When my soul is troubled within me, I will go to Your sanctuary.

23 Feb 2017

I have been keeping myself subtle on some issues because I know myself. Yet it doesn't stop because some people doesn't stop telling other people about the lie. When it hit me hard on a desired post, I wanted to rage. I kept myself calm and sane in the thoughts about Him who has called me for His purpose.

I cannot tell you how much patience and endurance He is giving me in dealing this suffering. How much love and support I receive from people. How painful it feels to be brushed for wrong causes and be put to shame. I bear the scar I trust people with only to be misinterpreted and betrayed.

I cry every time. I moan in my sleep. I sigh in my prayers. I give Him my anger that's been building up. I try to meditate His Word He gives that I feel so insane to even accept. Offer another cheek? Bless the ones who hurt you? Love? Stay?

I can just go and start a new life. I don't have to prove them wrong anyway but for now, I know that there's no way but through it. I shall claim what Job said, I shall come forth as gold.

17 Feb 2017

Things have gotten stalled for now and all I can do is to wait again. I read today about our tendencies to take control of matters and the enemy would try to lure us into doing things on our own to force us not to trust the One who holds everything together. "It was the same lie that Adam and Eve believed: God is withholding something good from us. If we want to be wise, we need to grasp it ourselves" 

I need to rely on God on who promises me good things (James 1:17); and that even those bad things or stalled things can turn to good (Romans 10:18)  if we claim and /or receive it with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4).

Despite all the stillness, I thank God for this experience.

I finished at least 4 movies in two days.  I just miss exercises. Rain doesn't seem to want to stop. Hahaha.

02 Feb 2017

Whenever I am asked about my conversion I would always start with, 'I grew up in a Christian community church'. My cousin would bring me to Children Sunday School and I would listen to the Word each Sunday I was brought in. My parents are also God-fearing and they have imparted to us the love of Christ and how it is to be a good person.

Entering into the ministry, I am always asked about my spiritual birthday. As I would recall, my conversion wasn't like that of Saul in the Damascus. It wasn't as dramatic as a retreat event that turned my life into a 180 degrees turn surrendering my life to Christ. It was more perhaps of a series of events that continually changed my life for Him. There wasn't a specific incident, bible study, Sunday service, fellowship but a continuous growth and knowing of Him.

I would only indicate a month and a year, that is October 2000, I was 14, and felt grown up and responsible to my own thoughts and actions. Fond memories of those Sundays that even if it rains I would go to church. I would offer buying food for the guest speaker or put the chairs back to storage room after service. It was the year when my cousin left to get married and I would still go to church.

The hearing and hearing and learning the Word of God has planted seeds in me in which the elders, pastors, Christian books, have watered to grow. In addition, those camps and retreats surely made me remember my pasts and my sins (even the sins I didn't know I committed) I have not been able to dealt with while sitting a a church service. I gave my life over and over to God. I repented. I acknowledge that my life was bound to eternal damnation if it wasn't for the grace of God by the giving of His son, Jesus Christ, to bore my sins and the sins of the world to the cross of Calvary. He redeemed my life that was going to hell.

I am sure I'm still a lot of work. I am far from perfection but what I desire is continuous growth, being faithful til the end. I will always fall short of His glory and thereby cling to His grace and love only.

28 Jan 2017

I have always and will always believe in the kind of Father we have in Him. Compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love. But how do we respond when the things that we know precious to us, the blessing we know came from Him, the prayers that have been answered have been allowed to be taken from us?

I say allow as I cannot credit lost to Him when I know that good things are from Him. Job, when lost all he has, pointed that God has taken it from Him but learning from intro of the book it was Satan who only dared to test Job from it.

Some things He allows like using people to build up another as in the case of hardening Pharaoh's heart but it was to fulfill His great plan for the Insraelites. Without this story, Israelites would easily go from Egypt to Promised Land. There's some good in struggles.

All things come from Him. If something good has been required of me it us because He knows why. He knows even the when and how.

When in doubt and I can't understand His doings I always settle and make peace with this truth: God is sovereign. His vision is unfathomable. His gaze is infinite. Mine is all things opposite.