Moving on is hard.
For me it is actually getting by.
You get by every second, of every minute, everyday in every week, to every month of each year.
You learn how to live with it.
With the sad times, happy memories.
You learn to live with the scars and victories.
You do what's required of you today,
Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake up.
Maybe at least a little push on what else you can do.
Read. Run. Write.
You get by.
A little each time. Maybe inch by inch.
Til it only ache sometimes. Dream of it sometimes.
Til you forget some specifics. And things get redeemed by new memories.
Maybe keeping memories will work for you,
Or like me, out of sight out of mind.
Whatever works. As simple as just letting time pass by. Just get by.
/ Yan ang nasa isip ko habang nasa tricycle kagabi papuntang bayan. Maalinsangan ang panahon. Kasama ko parents. Hahaha.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
11 Mar 2017
I am learning to love the life I walk on even if it isn't the life I have planned for. To be a personal witness of the life that's unfolding before me than be thinking of the life I would have wanted.
There are times I feel sad about people who should have built me up than tear me down. Or how come there exist misunderstandings despite being honest, or some people could speak but is hesitant to do so. And cycles of brokeness ripples to people, plans, prayers that could have been. All I know is that God can work things out despite the burdens we unitentionally put to people or what we receive from them.
I could be to Europe this year, could have given jobs to locals, have health plans, have been more confident, could have started my versions but for now I must be forgiving, more self-controlled, loving. To continue serving the Lord despite the pains from people I trust. To hold my tongue and refrain from passing on hurtful words. After all, we aim for His will, and it is our holiness amd righteousness. We wanted to bear fruit of the Holy Spirit and not merely successes on plans. These are of eternal value.
There are times I feel sad about people who should have built me up than tear me down. Or how come there exist misunderstandings despite being honest, or some people could speak but is hesitant to do so. And cycles of brokeness ripples to people, plans, prayers that could have been. All I know is that God can work things out despite the burdens we unitentionally put to people or what we receive from them.
I could be to Europe this year, could have given jobs to locals, have health plans, have been more confident, could have started my versions but for now I must be forgiving, more self-controlled, loving. To continue serving the Lord despite the pains from people I trust. To hold my tongue and refrain from passing on hurtful words. After all, we aim for His will, and it is our holiness amd righteousness. We wanted to bear fruit of the Holy Spirit and not merely successes on plans. These are of eternal value.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
04 Mar 2017
Be still my soul, be still. Trust in the Lord.
When my soul is troubled within me, I will go to Your sanctuary.
When my soul is troubled within me, I will go to Your sanctuary.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
23 Feb 2017
I have been keeping myself subtle on some issues because I know myself. Yet it doesn't stop because some people doesn't stop telling other people about the lie. When it hit me hard on a desired post, I wanted to rage. I kept myself calm and sane in the thoughts about Him who has called me for His purpose.
I cannot tell you how much patience and endurance He is giving me in dealing this suffering. How much love and support I receive from people. How painful it feels to be brushed for wrong causes and be put to shame. I bear the scar I trust people with only to be misinterpreted and betrayed.
I cry every time. I moan in my sleep. I sigh in my prayers. I give Him my anger that's been building up. I try to meditate His Word He gives that I feel so insane to even accept. Offer another cheek? Bless the ones who hurt you? Love? Stay?
I can just go and start a new life. I don't have to prove them wrong anyway but for now, I know that there's no way but through it. I shall claim what Job said, I shall come forth as gold.
I cannot tell you how much patience and endurance He is giving me in dealing this suffering. How much love and support I receive from people. How painful it feels to be brushed for wrong causes and be put to shame. I bear the scar I trust people with only to be misinterpreted and betrayed.
I cry every time. I moan in my sleep. I sigh in my prayers. I give Him my anger that's been building up. I try to meditate His Word He gives that I feel so insane to even accept. Offer another cheek? Bless the ones who hurt you? Love? Stay?
I can just go and start a new life. I don't have to prove them wrong anyway but for now, I know that there's no way but through it. I shall claim what Job said, I shall come forth as gold.
Friday, February 17, 2017
17 Feb 2017
Things have gotten stalled for now and all I can do is to wait again. I read today about our tendencies to take control of matters and the enemy would try to lure us into doing things on our own to force us not to trust the One who holds everything together. "It was the same lie that Adam and Eve believed: God is withholding something good from us. If we want to be wise, we need to grasp it ourselves"
I need to rely on God on who promises me good things (James 1:17); and that even those bad things or stalled things can turn to good (Romans 10:18) if we claim and /or receive it with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4).
Despite all the stillness, I thank God for this experience.
I finished at least 4 movies in two days. I just miss exercises. Rain doesn't seem to want to stop. Hahaha.
I need to rely on God on who promises me good things (James 1:17); and that even those bad things or stalled things can turn to good (Romans 10:18) if we claim and /or receive it with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4).
Despite all the stillness, I thank God for this experience.
I finished at least 4 movies in two days. I just miss exercises. Rain doesn't seem to want to stop. Hahaha.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
02 Feb 2017
Whenever I am asked about my conversion I would always start with, 'I grew up in a Christian community church'. My cousin would bring me to Children Sunday School and I would listen to the Word each Sunday I was brought in. My parents are also God-fearing and they have imparted to us the love of Christ and how it is to be a good person.
Entering into the ministry, I am always asked about my spiritual birthday. As I would recall, my conversion wasn't like that of Saul in the Damascus. It wasn't as dramatic as a retreat event that turned my life into a 180 degrees turn surrendering my life to Christ. It was more perhaps of a series of events that continually changed my life for Him. There wasn't a specific incident, bible study, Sunday service, fellowship but a continuous growth and knowing of Him.
I would only indicate a month and a year, that is October 2000, I was 14, and felt grown up and responsible to my own thoughts and actions. Fond memories of those Sundays that even if it rains I would go to church. I would offer buying food for the guest speaker or put the chairs back to storage room after service. It was the year when my cousin left to get married and I would still go to church.
The hearing and hearing and learning the Word of God has planted seeds in me in which the elders, pastors, Christian books, have watered to grow. In addition, those camps and retreats surely made me remember my pasts and my sins (even the sins I didn't know I committed) I have not been able to dealt with while sitting a a church service. I gave my life over and over to God. I repented. I acknowledge that my life was bound to eternal damnation if it wasn't for the grace of God by the giving of His son, Jesus Christ, to bore my sins and the sins of the world to the cross of Calvary. He redeemed my life that was going to hell.
I am sure I'm still a lot of work. I am far from perfection but what I desire is continuous growth, being faithful til the end. I will always fall short of His glory and thereby cling to His grace and love only.
Entering into the ministry, I am always asked about my spiritual birthday. As I would recall, my conversion wasn't like that of Saul in the Damascus. It wasn't as dramatic as a retreat event that turned my life into a 180 degrees turn surrendering my life to Christ. It was more perhaps of a series of events that continually changed my life for Him. There wasn't a specific incident, bible study, Sunday service, fellowship but a continuous growth and knowing of Him.
I would only indicate a month and a year, that is October 2000, I was 14, and felt grown up and responsible to my own thoughts and actions. Fond memories of those Sundays that even if it rains I would go to church. I would offer buying food for the guest speaker or put the chairs back to storage room after service. It was the year when my cousin left to get married and I would still go to church.
The hearing and hearing and learning the Word of God has planted seeds in me in which the elders, pastors, Christian books, have watered to grow. In addition, those camps and retreats surely made me remember my pasts and my sins (even the sins I didn't know I committed) I have not been able to dealt with while sitting a a church service. I gave my life over and over to God. I repented. I acknowledge that my life was bound to eternal damnation if it wasn't for the grace of God by the giving of His son, Jesus Christ, to bore my sins and the sins of the world to the cross of Calvary. He redeemed my life that was going to hell.
I am sure I'm still a lot of work. I am far from perfection but what I desire is continuous growth, being faithful til the end. I will always fall short of His glory and thereby cling to His grace and love only.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
28 Jan 2017
I have always and will always believe in the kind of Father we have in Him. Compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love. But how do we respond when the things that we know precious to us, the blessing we know came from Him, the prayers that have been answered have been allowed to be taken from us?
I say allow as I cannot credit lost to Him when I know that good things are from Him. Job, when lost all he has, pointed that God has taken it from Him but learning from intro of the book it was Satan who only dared to test Job from it.
Some things He allows like using people to build up another as in the case of hardening Pharaoh's heart but it was to fulfill His great plan for the Insraelites. Without this story, Israelites would easily go from Egypt to Promised Land. There's some good in struggles.
All things come from Him. If something good has been required of me it us because He knows why. He knows even the when and how.
When in doubt and I can't understand His doings I always settle and make peace with this truth: God is sovereign. His vision is unfathomable. His gaze is infinite. Mine is all things opposite.
I say allow as I cannot credit lost to Him when I know that good things are from Him. Job, when lost all he has, pointed that God has taken it from Him but learning from intro of the book it was Satan who only dared to test Job from it.
Some things He allows like using people to build up another as in the case of hardening Pharaoh's heart but it was to fulfill His great plan for the Insraelites. Without this story, Israelites would easily go from Egypt to Promised Land. There's some good in struggles.
All things come from Him. If something good has been required of me it us because He knows why. He knows even the when and how.
When in doubt and I can't understand His doings I always settle and make peace with this truth: God is sovereign. His vision is unfathomable. His gaze is infinite. Mine is all things opposite.
Monday, December 5, 2016
05 Dec 2016 Desperate
Whenever I feel desperate about something, I remind myself of this: When I trust God with His answers, I should trust Him with His timing. Not my time, not even the plans I have made. This has given me comfort when I feel the very-badly-wanting-or-needing-something. His thoughts are Higher than mine, His plans are greater than I ever could imagine.
So I breathe, I read, I write. I hold on to His promise and these help me get by. The cure to forgetfulness is remembering. Many passages in the bible advises us to remember so as not to forget. It is wisdom to remind ourselves of His words (1 Chronicles 16:15). Our business is to trust Him and His Words. This is the living hope that we have and that the joy of what's coming is far more greater than our momentary sufferings.
So I breathe, I read, I write. I hold on to His promise and these help me get by. The cure to forgetfulness is remembering. Many passages in the bible advises us to remember so as not to forget. It is wisdom to remind ourselves of His words (1 Chronicles 16:15). Our business is to trust Him and His Words. This is the living hope that we have and that the joy of what's coming is far more greater than our momentary sufferings.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
11 Nov 2016 The Lesson of the Valley
I began going up the mountains to hike when I was in college and continued loving the mountains when I started my fitness journey. Jesus likes the mountains, it one of the places where He prays.
Reaching the top and finishing the itinerary are the best parts of the whole experience. The going up and the descends are the hardest. In betweens, we would experience walking in a valley, some valleys that are muddy, some easy, some dark.
These valleys are low points between two hills. I can remember Akiki trail's valley which was one of the darkest and scariest valleys I ever crossed. I conquered this valley and survived the peak of Mount Pulag.
Metaphorically, in one way or another, we go through the valleys of life. The valleys of despair. Valleys of low points. Peter and Paul, great men of God, went through many dark periods of introspection to forced them to think about what is really means to follow Jesus. It is where in these valleys that God gives Himself and it is where Peter experienced the unconditional love of the same Christ that he denied just days before; the same Christ who loves, forgives, and gives grace to Paul who had persecuted the followers of Christ.
In Psalm 23, David said that even though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He shall fear no evil for God is with him.
What to do when we go through the valley? Just go through it while we remember His promise that He is with us. What we go through doesn't need validity, it is okay to feel, to think and but in the end of each valley, entrust everything to God. Stay focused on the end goal of the journey, whether it be fitness, spiritual discipline, emotional maturity, or life itself.
Reaching the top and finishing the itinerary are the best parts of the whole experience. The going up and the descends are the hardest. In betweens, we would experience walking in a valley, some valleys that are muddy, some easy, some dark.
These valleys are low points between two hills. I can remember Akiki trail's valley which was one of the darkest and scariest valleys I ever crossed. I conquered this valley and survived the peak of Mount Pulag.
Metaphorically, in one way or another, we go through the valleys of life. The valleys of despair. Valleys of low points. Peter and Paul, great men of God, went through many dark periods of introspection to forced them to think about what is really means to follow Jesus. It is where in these valleys that God gives Himself and it is where Peter experienced the unconditional love of the same Christ that he denied just days before; the same Christ who loves, forgives, and gives grace to Paul who had persecuted the followers of Christ.
In Psalm 23, David said that even though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He shall fear no evil for God is with him.
What to do when we go through the valley? Just go through it while we remember His promise that He is with us. What we go through doesn't need validity, it is okay to feel, to think and but in the end of each valley, entrust everything to God. Stay focused on the end goal of the journey, whether it be fitness, spiritual discipline, emotional maturity, or life itself.
Friday, November 4, 2016
04 Nov 2016 New Beginnings
It's been two months since I last blogged. I have not stopped reading and meditating, I just had ample time to do blogging until now that I needed to use the laptop for some flyer-making.
I finished the books of Job, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Nehemiah and now reading the book of Romans. Within the months that passed, I had been doing the business. We started off September with some papers, and October for soft opening. Still a long way to go. I do paperworks, buying stuff, cleaning, refilling, and help Tatay for deliveries. Sometimes I am busy, sometimes I am just lying on the sofa to rest. My sleeping nights were okay because my body is often tired.
I also had writing projects which I wanted to testify here. The day of fireworks explosion in Bulacan, I was supposed to interview the owner of the fireworks store (who, sadly, died). It was providence for us as the meeting was moved, and there were other schedules. I was with Kuya Ding then who told me about everything we have been thankful about. Our lives were spared.
October also was the month of JIL anniv and I was blessed and honored to work for phototeam and MIS.
I have been planning and praying that the business would be protected, and that after a year, I will be able to go back to corporate world. I wanted to also marry as I am not getting any younger. But I don't have a boyfriend now (Wiii) Haha. God will provide. He has always been. Only I need to again and again trust His sovereign power. He is my Father, He is my God.
Writing helps me. I feel okay and I really don't know why. So it is a good thing. I may not be able to write often as before but I wanted to write at my free times.
I finished the books of Job, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Nehemiah and now reading the book of Romans. Within the months that passed, I had been doing the business. We started off September with some papers, and October for soft opening. Still a long way to go. I do paperworks, buying stuff, cleaning, refilling, and help Tatay for deliveries. Sometimes I am busy, sometimes I am just lying on the sofa to rest. My sleeping nights were okay because my body is often tired.
I also had writing projects which I wanted to testify here. The day of fireworks explosion in Bulacan, I was supposed to interview the owner of the fireworks store (who, sadly, died). It was providence for us as the meeting was moved, and there were other schedules. I was with Kuya Ding then who told me about everything we have been thankful about. Our lives were spared.
October also was the month of JIL anniv and I was blessed and honored to work for phototeam and MIS.
I have been planning and praying that the business would be protected, and that after a year, I will be able to go back to corporate world. I wanted to also marry as I am not getting any younger. But I don't have a boyfriend now (Wiii) Haha. God will provide. He has always been. Only I need to again and again trust His sovereign power. He is my Father, He is my God.
Writing helps me. I feel okay and I really don't know why. So it is a good thing. I may not be able to write often as before but I wanted to write at my free times.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
06 Sept 2016
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
“Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction.”
Job 36:21 NIV
Stay faithful and trust Him. Rejoice in your suffering.
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