31 July 2016

Before I left the church, one churchmate said to check my bp again. Wow. Yesterday it was too high, today at lowest again. I have been feeling heart pricking pains. Psychological I say. I am not agitated tho. I know it. I can testify to it. My muscles are laxed. I am not fighting the feeling. No more meds. No more drinks. Organic. 

I couldn't understand why I am to stay. To endure. Why my prayers are different this time. But ahhh!  How broken this could get. Then it played, 'what if Your healing comes from tears. '

Today's preaching was about Niniveh: The City that God Wanted to Save. The heart of God has full of compassion after their repentance. God gives chances after chastening. 

We had YAM lunch fellowship. Ay ewan ko ha. Nagiging excited ako sa games. I feel so active. It makes me come alive. Ansarap ng feeling ng mabilis ang heartbeat. 

30 July 2016

We live in the land of the dying to die for the land of the living. This is the greatest hope we have that once we die here on earth, an eternal life awaits for those who believe that Jesus died for us (John 3:16). This is the gift of salvation.  

But our life on earth is having to know how to live in the gap between salvation and crown and that's where it is the toughest. 

God acknowledges that Christian life is a life of battle that's why He has great promises for those who will endure.

Christian life is an endurance contest (Ptr Bobot). It is about sustenance. We might be in times of being 'hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8-9 NIV) because..'we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:10 NIV)

I remember one pastor in a preaching saying, 'to last longer, stay longer'. Not the grim-strength of grinning our teeth but with the glory strength that God gives (Col 11:1-21). Sticking to long haul is to look at strength greater than ours, which is of the Holy Spirit. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, fight for you, sustain you, give you significance.

..and this has always been my prayer, this verse I may say in the end of my earthly life: 

2 Tim 4:7 i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith.

29 July 2016

esterday I was able to finally secure a driver's license after 3 years of always expiring student permits. I had to wait all afternoon just looking at the TV showing informative lecture on driver's exam (which proved to be of value). There's been an offline, an emergency meeting, and too much people.

It is hard to wait, but the goal of getting something achieved at waiting helps us to hope. The hardest thing about waiting is when we are not sure of what the result of our waiting is. From one of the books I read it says, 'forgetting is painful, waiting is painful, but not knowing which way to go is the hardest kind of suffering' (do I still remember the lines?). 

I realize that when we face the waiting, we  can always look at what God can do with our character with our waiting. It isn't actually the end goal that I am hoping to get but what I am becoming in the waiting. Patience, peace, sound mind, (and if I should add joy, though it's a bit crazy) . I know I can always wait, but it is my desire that God may use these waitings to achieve a character that can last longer than the waiting and to develop a character that will surpass little waiting to the greatest waiting.

These are but little waits we do: waiting for our turns, waiting in line, waiting for result. The bible tells us to take heart and wait for the Lord. This is the greatest waiting we will do and while we wait, God can work our characters if we allow Him to do so. Let our waitings be not in vain. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. 

28 July 2016

Longest drive.
Got my license.
Roadtrip with Tatay.
Exam. Period.
Still managed to cook dinner.
My heart's slower.
Psalm 27:13.

26 July 2016

James 4 warns us againts wordliness and the wrong passions and desires to it, opens with verse asking what causes the quarrels and fights among us. The Bible acknowledges that there exist fights and quarrels among people.

The cure: In verses 7-12, state that to resolve conflicts is to submit ourselves to God, to resist the devil, to draw near to God, clense our hands, purify the hearts. To even wretch and mourn and weep. Even asking that laughter to turn to mourning and joy to gloom; and to humble before the Lord.

It continued to advise of not speaking evil against one another, and staying away from judging our neighbor.

To resolve the conflicts, we must check our motives and submit them to God who judges rightfully.

While conflict is when we see the wrong in others, resolving is submission and to be humble before God. Nothing not of Him will ever exist in the presence of our King.

25 July 2016

I didn't want to accept it. Hearing the truth that almost shook me, I looked to Jesus. What would He do? Then I remember how one of His closest friends denied Him. He loved Peter even when He knew he would. Jesus knew Peter would deny Him but He loved Him anyway. Mark 14:29

Jesus always make provisions for their shortcomings and when Christ has risen and encountered Peter, He did not ask him for a confession of sin, but a confession of love.  

John 21:15

How could Jesus be so forgiving, so loving. 

24 July 2016

It was heartbreaking to know what has been told to people. I cried. I almost couldn't believe all the stories. Thank God for the good judgement I received. I rest my case to the Lord. He is my Judge. I am clean. 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

John 14:27 NIV

http://bible.us/111/jhn.14.27.niv

23 July 2016

and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (Psalm 50:15 NIV)

Did you know that you bring glory to God by calling upon Him when you are in distress? Call upon the Lord and wait exclusively upon Him to rescue you. Then give Him the glory that He deserves.

We honor God when we call unto Him in our days of trouble.

Use every opportunity to bring Him glory, may it be through our witnessing, testimonies, receiving blessings, and overcoming hardships. 

22 July 2016

So it happens. Maybe this time I need not do anything but trust Him. I will rest my case now and let His will be done.

20 July 2016

I must tell you this, I am in distress in the past days. If it was before, I might be agitated and uncontrollable inside but this time, I am controlled. This is like I am about to go to principal's office. I had never been. In my entire schooling days since pre-school, my parents never had any headache on me. I was always nice and dependable (charot). So why now.

I won't ever blame anyone. I actually don't want to explain because I know what happened and I know myself but since I am in a community, I must do this and face them. Sometimes it is hard to walk the aisle of the church when it seems people wanted to ask you what happened. I feel I am in a bad light but should act normal as I could be.

I took the faults for whatever it is. Jesus teaches us to be humble, even giving the other cheek. Always giving, always loving. That is the hardest part of it; when you wanted to pinpoint and put the blame on others and you just have to do what He wanted, what His Words says we should be.

I am not perfect. I have my wrongdoings and to tell you this, the worst thing I am doing right now is making my parents feel I am always right and smarter than they are. I am letting their ego down which I try to change and ask forgiveness from.

I am a sinner that's why I devote myself to Him and ask for His grace always. To ask Him always for His presence in my life so that whatever the enemy tries to put on me, I am inside His loving arms. My past cannot be used on me cos even whatever it is there was clean and safe. It was all emotional agitation that lead to uncontrolled decisions and thoughts which God has been changing in me.

Humility is a learned attitude as what our Pastor says, that's what I've been learning more and wish to uphold in me.

Today I am so tired but thankful for:
Going out to do paperworks. It was painstaking and took a lot of patience in me. Thank God for His extensions.
Drop by Tito and Tita's home and ate bread. They are always saying I am nice. Hehehe.
Finished some laundry, cooked food, did a lot of multi-tasking house chores and I'm sleepy now.
I've got ten minutes tomorrow to share the Parable of the Lost Son.

19 July 2016

I was listening to Chris Tomlin's Jesus when I was reminded of a story from Old Testament. In the lines 'He is beside me in the fire', I recalled the story of Shadrach, Mesach, and Abednego in Daniel 3. They have been summoned to put in the blazing fire, alive, because they did not worship the image which King Nebuchadbezzar set up. 

In verse 16, the three replied '...we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter'. Continued to verse 18, I have always loved this..'if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us...but even if he does not, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods...

What  a stand. What faith they have. And what willingness even if they won't be spared! 

God didn't promise there won't be any hardships in life and that we won't go through fire. 

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””

John 16:33 NIV

In Daniel 3:25, they saw four men walking around the fire. God was with them! He was with these three through the fire, unbound, unharmed! 

Are we going through the fires of life? Just put your trust in the Lord in whatever is going happen. Take your stand. Believe in Him. He will be with us. In the fire.

18 July 2016

Nothing is easy when we have to endure trials. It just is a consolation to endure when the hurts are away. When we don't have to be reminded of the pains. When we can just go somewhere to start over without having to see or hear anything about it.

But what if God wants you to endure and you have to be in a constant pain to be stronger? When you have to just to moan to Him when you feel the need of be comfort.

God controls everything. If I fill my mind with this profound thought, I won't have to worry about things. The promise wasn't that we will not go through sufferings but when we do. His promise is that He won't leave us.

He wants us to trust in Him, put Him first in everything even in the lowest hours of our lives. That is the concept of knowing His Divine control over everything. Nothing is hidden from Him, nothing He doesn't know of. If evil fathers know how to give gifts how much more our Father in heaven give to us what we need.

17 July 2016

I wrote a looot today and created some notes but will just post next days. I'm too dizzy from the full week's celebrations, travels, swimming, cooking, laundry.

This MEMA only today. I read and rewritten haha! 

Do not beg,

people to stay,

when they want to leave. 

Free them,

when they want to be released,

your love is not a cage.

16 July 2016

When the people who are important to our lives leaves us, do we give up on everything in life? Do we become ill or disheartened? Do we get discouraged,  fail, and stumble?

Whenever the important people leaves us (and whether they leave us while we are still alive or leaves us on earth), our main response should always be looking to God and see His Lordship in our lives. 

If we still try to find justification in our own attemp to pursue, to feel justified over discouragement without seeing ourselves putting Him first, our labor of love shall only be in vain, a desperate measure from His salvation and plans. 

Put Him first, even without the motive of getting that 'all things shall be added unto you'. He is God. He knows what you need and when you need it. Maybe someday soon, we'd realize this and make this our life's truth: He is my Shepherd, I shall not want. 

15 July 2016

The past days I have been having frequent heartburns and I am in dire need to exercise again to rechannel my case. Soon when celebation's over I will have to run again. 

I was diagnosed with Bradycardia when I was 24. My heart has a slow resting rate which I and some doctors find cool. Our Pastor also mentioned he has this. The heartbeat is less than 60 per minute.l, which is the usual. 

During my APE in ABSCBN, the doctor who was checking me said she heard murmurs, and that causes arrhythmia, or abnormal heart beatings. The tests confirmed the condition. All APEs resulted same every year. 

I was fat for so long that I couldn't breathe properly and sometimes need brown bag. Maybe it was because of my metabolic concerns, anxieties and recent drug use and doctor said I need to lose weight. 

Since then I had to do some extreme adventures to liven up the beatings of my heart. I run, I went up to mountains, I trek, swim a lot. I push myself to limits of my heartbeat. 

This bradycardia, then gave me slight panic when told but soon discovered in the next APEs how cool it is. Although it could lead to serious health problems, this condition when used properly help people a lot. Highly trained athletes have 'bradycardia athletic' heart syndrome. It helps people to adapt to very hight heart beat during training and thus prevent tachycardia, too high heartbeat. It balances the work of the heart. 

I have never used this condition to justify incapabilities but have been using this to adapt with my activities. I thank God for He can use even these things for us to see blessings in disguises which we only see when we become grateful. He teaches me patience and humility. He gives me room for love and grace. 

14 July 2016

This year I have learned to live life not by the hours but by faithfulness.

We can live til the age of eighty, seventy, sixty, or thirty three, but until we live a life of faithfulness til the end, age is of no worth. Our lives is meaningless without Him. It isn't about position, not about even at points of spiritual heights, but the state of our hearts in the end- acknowledging His salvation and grace. 

I thank God for I have reached this age still in awe and in love of Him. Apart from Him, I am nothing. All I ever wanted is to meet Him at end of my life on earth to praise Him for all eternity in heaven. He is my Shepherd and I lack nothing. He is my salvation and He promises that He won't abandon my soul. He who began a good work in me will complete it. I am called to faithfulness to Him. 

I praise and thank God for this day!

For that lunch. 😊

For that 100 laps swim and underwater music.

For the dinner at a Jap resto courtesy of my friend's mom!

That ride.

For the fellowship with Thursday group YAM in ortigas.

For blessing and being blessed.

That article by Jarrid Wilson!

For the 29 faithful years of the Lord in my life. I desire return faithfulness to Him all the days of my life. 

13 July 2016

Same time last year, I was all alone, kept myself silent over what's going to happen. I went to office, no one knew about what I am about to celebrate. I received the news that I am to exit in two days. Thank God it wasn't the next day. Agitation for the coming days has started. I felt so uncontrollable inside while maintaining a soft outside. Fast forward one year, I thank God for always being with me, with His promise that He has remembered. He always remembers. His grace has changed me. It was from discipline to discipline. 

This was His message to me from John 3:16, 'for I have loved you so much that I am here for you, to have died for you; just believe in Me.' 

Today I thank God for: 

Yesterday's safe travel to and from Manila on a Tuesday.

Was at GH Yam Cubao LG anniv!

Arrived at bus station before 12 and didn't have to wait long for departure. 

Calamba roadtrip with siblings today! 

Free lunch!

Nanay gave me money! Grabeee. I testified this last night also. I hope I could be as kind and understanding as her. 

Roadtrip PreB! 

Classical music day

12 July 2016

Dear self,

As much as you have been really sorry, and have been forgiven, you also have to forgive yourself. Your genuine repentance is enough, and if you must go through consequence, it is okay, forgive yourself. 

I know it is hard. You have guilts. You have upset days. You regret and you wish you did better. But it has been done. Forgive yourself. 

You cannot wake up each day always feeling sorry. You have to accept that things happen, and learn from it. Hoping and praying it won't happen again as you will have to know what to do next time, if it will be permitted. Forgive yourself. 

Say your sorry. Say it sorrowfully as you have been feeling. Forgiven or not. Reconciled or learned. Forgive yourself. 

God's grace has forgiven you. He took everything on the cross. Forgive yourself, too. 

11 July 2016

Focus not on self realization and building up self but to knowing Christ and His power. This made the difference in my life in this season.

Our self realization makes us proud of our own achievements and power, whereas knowing Christ's power humbles us, it is not our own but His glory. 

During the last of the same circumstance, I took pride in the success of what I did. I was very proud of the results til it had to be done like a resilient thing that taught me to bend once again, pass through it again and realize the things I must do. That is to cling to His power. I must say, it was really crazy to stay. 

So wheter it is of eating, drinking, serving, we do it for our King. There isn't menial task or greater attempt, only heart of passion. Always recognize Jesus to everything we do and anything should always point to Him. Our aim is to always know Him.

Thankful for:

Yesterday's opportunity that gave me simple joy.

Was able to visit the municipal's office to gauge the task I was to embark.

Started something today. 

10 July 2016

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

This verse I remember during that sweet fellowship in our worship today. He was the One who set the eternity in our hearts, in this, no finite thing or being can ever satisfy that longing He can fulfill as He is infinite. It is His presence in our lives that can fully satisfy. 

Mark 5:30

/Be not afraid, only believe. 

That simple resounding command of the Lord. He says simple things, asks us not of the fancy stuff but to simply believe. It is hard to do but this statement is simply powerful that if wasn't said, we would wonder how would we have to face trials in our lives. Just believe. 

The story continued in Mark 5, 

“But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was.”

Mark 5:40 NIV

Unbelief inhibits the move of the Lord. In the story, Jesus asks only the parents and his disciples to be with Him when He revived the girl who just died. If we believe He can do, we must trust fully that He will. 

Today I am thankful for:

The Sunday worship services I attended.

That sweet moment of brokenness and His assurance.

Dinner with YAM at Pedro and Coi.

Some lubongs! 

Arrived at the bus terminal just before it rained so hard.

09 July 2016

Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be? I believe in the many perfect and good things He is. I should be practicing and believing and putting audacious faith in what I preach. God is sovereign, God is powerful, God is gracious, God is holy, God is so ever-loving. 

Today I am grateful for:

I needed allowance but when Nanay wanted to give me, I said I can manage. (minds computed how much I'd spend this weekend, shrugs* could sacrifice). My heart was melting when I left home.

Arriving at terminal, I only waited 5 minutes and it went ahead. I didn't have to wait.

Newsboys' Something Beautiful 

Met with old friends, free lunch, too much stroll. First time I actually went to Zara, Pull and Bear, and Celine and someone really bought. Had fun talking to Tita. She's funny. 

Free board tonight! 

08 July 2016

Mystery fuels our worship. His will stimulates our trust.

Sometimes I would wonder if I know things, our lives will be easier that we don't have to be planning, guessing, (and praying) but the real deal is that all those we do not know makes us cling to Him more than our own understanding, help us walk by faith and not by sight, trust His ways than our own plans. It teaches us to seek, to pray, read His Word, attend services.

He sees far beyond what I can see, His ways are higher than mine and we are called, more than to understand, to trust. 

Today I am grateful for:

That 2am cold cuts, bread, cheese, wine celebration for Erlene's birthday. I was up til 5am to watch a movie. 

And I was able to cook Carbonara again and they again said it is all good! Haha. My parents are the best eaters of my dishes. 

😊

07 July 2017

The weaker we become, the more God's grace is multiplied. // Today's on 2 Cor 12:9 

Did you know that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us? Romans 8:18. It is just a papercut in the trip of a lifetime. Nothing compares to the joy that's coming, yes not even the pain we are enduring. 

Today I am thankful for 

The free rides! It has been weeks and weeks of provision. All timely I am amazed.

I was in Manila for YAM prayer and worship night. 

Glad to meet some old friends.

Also to have spent time helping someone today. 

I tasted cheese bread. Real one! 

Finally gotten my COE from UBP! 

Thank You, Father.

06 July 2016

As the great NBA star and Hall of Famer Jerry West once said, 'You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good'.

I have been waking up upset in the past days, especially after dreaming those dreams and waking up to reality that it's just a dream. I may wake up at the wrong side of the bed but I breathe prayers at waking up. I ask Him for comfort. I do not want to let myself go to bed feeling all bad in the evening so I remember all the good things He has done for me during the day. Do good even when you don't feel okay and it is okay not to be okay. The cure is to be grateful.

Today I am grateful for:

Went with bro to Sta Cruz (that's about 25 kilometers away and I drove back using 4th gear for the first time with less supervision! Tatay didn't go with us. Glad of this achievement.

We ate bread and chips and tea while on our way.

I got all other Peak games for free for one week!

05 July 2016

Because this is the day that the Lord has made (Ps 118:24) we should be rejoicing and be glad in it and it is the will of God to be thankful.. (1 Thess 5:18)

We should always train ourselves to spot the wildflowers in the wilderness and that is the secret to counting it all joy. In times of hardships is where we see those little blessings that He wanted us to be thankful for. 

It is easy to thank God when things are good but the command isn't just to be grateful when we are all well, but in ALL circumstances. This doesn't mean to be thankful FOR what's happening or the hardships, but thankful IN whatever state we are in.

When we shift our focus from pain to blessings, we let ourselves shift from earthly to heavenly.

Today I am grateful for:

No early work so I am staying in bed.

The book I am reading!

More reading time

Family's complete

I can just get up and eat every morning 

Will Reagan's In the Morning

Retuned my guitar and sang

The wellness and safety He gives to that person, and strength to even pray for..

For the teaching to love beyond pain and understanding
For learning to drive four wheels 

04 July 2016

A single thread in the grand tapestry cannot comprehend the pattern of the whole.

Our problems and trials cannot define our lives. There's just so much in life to be doing and thankful for.

My Dubai experience was part of His plan in my life. I knew I have prayed for it, and He made the best out of my stay there. There were some understanding gaps before, during, and after my stay there but He has shown His ways out of it. It was very short and sweet and though the life I have been planning to go back with has changed massively, I still raise up my hands in praises to our Lord. In all these happenings and changes, my heart is still grateful for all graces He has given me. There were many reasons why I was brought back. Many reasons why I have, this time, chosen not to run away. I wasn't strong. I could be hypocrite if I say that all is well and that I have accepted the things that's been happening but, all the more, these propels me to stay seeking and searching. All the more He shows His power in my life. Maybe someday, some little things will be alright by then. If not, God has His will that I am trusting would be all worth it for my life.

I meditate the words I learned the other day. Do good, be happy, remember my Creator whenever I clean the house, cook for my family, laundry all their clothes, do financial planning. If what I am doing will fit on those, then I am doing just fine despite those single threads in the grand tapestry. I wake up each day with sad thoughts but I do not let myself get up feeling all bad. I wrestle. I ask His comfort. This time, it will be the last. It will be different. I know it. I knew everything that happened in my in the past. More than my personal knowing, my Creator knows all and the details. He sees far more than my nose's perspective, His is infinite. We only know the hurt, He knows why.

Charles Spurgeon once said, 'I would go into the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary'. True to its essence, these cuts have help me minister to few people I have opportunity to talk with.

These wounds which have been healed are reminders, it is my joy to share the pain of people who are currently in bleeding cos I myself have been in the depths. Then these wounds are now joys which I offer to God.

03 July 2016

Today I was filled. God moved mightily in the church. It was an awesome experience and I am dreaming of the days I could bring my family with me every week to join me in worshipping our Father.

These were the verses and promises God has taught me in the services today.

“For this is what the high and exalted One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”
Isaiah 57:15 NIV

The verse above was comforting knowing our God is so big, so powerful, so holy but He can live in our hearts. The heart that sins, that's bruised, broken, weak -He promises revival of it.

From third service:
David did not take pride on what he has (sling and five smooth stones) while Goliath took pride in his might and bronze shields. David rested in the truth knowing that the battles is not his but the Lord's. David was humble, even from the beginning. 

Psalm 20:7
Some trust in chariots, some in horses; But we will remember the name of the Lord.

Justice, mercy, faith ~ these you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. Matt 23:23

02 July 2016

It is our birth month and the family's complete. There's been a major progress in what we've been building in the past days. 

Solomon, in the book of Ecclesiastes opened up how it is vanity to chase after wisdom, to self-indulgence, to living wisely, to toil. He ended each topic with 'I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after the wind'. In chapter 3, he even said that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful, and to do good as long as they live. 

In most state of our striving, we come into times we realize that whatever we do, it will just be vanity, nothing we can gain. I realize that no matter how thriving we are, most of the things we do would just be vanity. A chase after the wind. As said, nothing better than to be joyful. In addition tho, still continue to do good. In the end of the book, it was said to remember your Creator in the days of your youth. 

In all these vanities. Be joyful. Do good. Remember God.