20 July 2016

I must tell you this, I am in distress in the past days. If it was before, I might be agitated and uncontrollable inside but this time, I am controlled. This is like I am about to go to principal's office. I had never been. In my entire schooling days since pre-school, my parents never had any headache on me. I was always nice and dependable (charot). So why now.

I won't ever blame anyone. I actually don't want to explain because I know what happened and I know myself but since I am in a community, I must do this and face them. Sometimes it is hard to walk the aisle of the church when it seems people wanted to ask you what happened. I feel I am in a bad light but should act normal as I could be.

I took the faults for whatever it is. Jesus teaches us to be humble, even giving the other cheek. Always giving, always loving. That is the hardest part of it; when you wanted to pinpoint and put the blame on others and you just have to do what He wanted, what His Words says we should be.

I am not perfect. I have my wrongdoings and to tell you this, the worst thing I am doing right now is making my parents feel I am always right and smarter than they are. I am letting their ego down which I try to change and ask forgiveness from.

I am a sinner that's why I devote myself to Him and ask for His grace always. To ask Him always for His presence in my life so that whatever the enemy tries to put on me, I am inside His loving arms. My past cannot be used on me cos even whatever it is there was clean and safe. It was all emotional agitation that lead to uncontrolled decisions and thoughts which God has been changing in me.

Humility is a learned attitude as what our Pastor says, that's what I've been learning more and wish to uphold in me.

Today I am so tired but thankful for:
Going out to do paperworks. It was painstaking and took a lot of patience in me. Thank God for His extensions.
Drop by Tito and Tita's home and ate bread. They are always saying I am nice. Hehehe.
Finished some laundry, cooked food, did a lot of multi-tasking house chores and I'm sleepy now.
I've got ten minutes tomorrow to share the Parable of the Lost Son.