Being at this state, I am vulnerable to hurts. I don't blame others when it comes to tough love they bestow on me as I should view life knowing that I am a work in progress, not as though the significant others are the ones who are in progress in taming tongues, or humility, or even trust. I look into the log in my eye.
In the past, my family has been to different churches, until I've settled to the current church I'm in and wherever I go , I'll surely look for our local church for services in the area.
I cannot deny that I've been to many local church of the same sect (insert name of my church) after the settlement of where I am growing in the awakening during college years (it is another story why I found this church).
After the first church closed its Sunday service to support a new church, I opted another local place (personal reasons). I served God continuously til I had to move after few years because I had major problems with my bestfriend and we didn't end up good. I didn't have problems with church leaders or any groups then, it was just for me to renew my steadfastness and to gather myself once again. I knew I have become too dependent to people.
Then onto another local church, I continue my service. At first, I had to do healing from broken relationships. There were too many times I planned on abandoning my post and find another niche (this time, I was thinking of another sect already). I wouldn't go through details on how it went. Only because I had an opportunity abroad that I somehow left technically. It was very subtle as it wasn't planned though.
Coming abroad, I searched for the same sect of my local church and found it. I served God in the ministry and was able to be used for His glory. The later part of my stay abroad, I asked God for guidance on going back home. This meant going back to the church I left. This time, the-leaving-of-the-current-church is heartbreaking as I have been learning a lot in my personal faith. God brought me to faith deeper than I used to have. I began seeking more about Him and His glory while He continue to work mightily in the lifegroup we have started. People are coming, we all have our different testimonies. We have developed friendships. Things are going awesome. God has been using me in teaching them and sharing my faith and His revelations. Then I have to go home. Many pros which I have prayed about went well and there was peace despite the hurt of leaving them.
Then it dawned on me. If I have to go back, I need to go to a local church. The previous church I had was the closest thing (if not a church nearer to where God will bring me this time). I had mixed emotions. Friends from different local welcomed me to the previous churches I had been. While it gave me happiness, I told them where God has been leading me despite the fact that I have to start again. I could easily join them and continue but it was the leading that's bringing me back to the church where I left.
Although I left with better relationships, some things went out of hand, and some more unstable ones. There will be good people there but I will have to start again. Coming back I thought of what I am to embark. But I know I have to stop running away.
During the times I was praying, I asked God why would I have to endure such pains when I can find another local church and or handpicked people who would understand me perfectly, who would support me. They have welcomed me and would surely guide me. Why would I even sign up for a group where I could be vulnerable because of a pain I could run away from.
But I will be honest, part of my growth mostly come from those challenging times, as through this I seek the truth more and have learned to personally establish and keep my faith through seeking Him. I learn humility, meekness, respect and self-control. I learned grace, submission, and patience.
The bible adheres to church unity (1 Cor 12:27, Romans 12:4-5, and many verses). I have not seen anything like you have to leave a church when things get out of hand or when people challenges you. Our lives are meant to be shared despite differences.
Coming back, one thing is for sure, I will continue to seek Him and His will. I would still want to be involved in a church that I feel I could grow whether in affirmation or pain. The challenge is to focus my eyes on Jesus.
During the times I was praying, I asked God why would I have to endure such pains when I can find another local church and or handpicked people who would understand me perfectly, who would support me. They have welcomed me and would surely guide me. Why would I even sign up for a group where I could be vulnerable because of a pain I could run away from.
But I will be honest, part of my growth mostly come from those challenging times, as through this I seek the truth more and have learned to personally establish and keep my faith through seeking Him. I learn humility, meekness, respect and self-control. I learned grace, submission, and patience.
The bible adheres to church unity (1 Cor 12:27, Romans 12:4-5, and many verses). I have not seen anything like you have to leave a church when things get out of hand or when people challenges you. Our lives are meant to be shared despite differences.
Coming back, one thing is for sure, I will continue to seek Him and His will. I would still want to be involved in a church that I feel I could grow whether in affirmation or pain. The challenge is to focus my eyes on Jesus.
It has been hard on the first week but relieved to knowing that I can stop running and start walking with Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.
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