31 May 2016

Dear Lord,

Thank You for Your Word today. I desire to put You first in everything.

If I feel afraid of the situation, weaken by sense of insecurity, tired of pursuits, shaken by uncertainties, agitated by instabilities, it is because I have not put trust in You first. Help me to be reminded that in everything I do, I should always seek You. Always lead my way, my Shepherd, my King. 

Amen. 

24 May 2016

Stayed in bed the whole day and took about 6 pcs of Vitamin C, 2 each meal, and felt better in the evening. I was even able to cook dinner. 

At waking times, I'd continue to read Redemption. Been learning a lot on this book. 

It comes down to your fears. When a relationship isn't working, fears are usually the base of the trouble.

1 Tim 1:7

23 May 2016

It's been a month since I came. On the 23rd of April, I was in bed all day, tired and jetlagged. Today, after coming back from Manila, my colds and cough have gone worse so I stayed in bed. 

It has been a good month of waking up early, cooking lunches and dinners, going to and from Manila to Laguna. God has always been providing all my needs including houses I could stay for a night or two while away from home. 

I am not in a hurry to do things these days . I put my trust in God as I continue to do what must be done for the day. Not neglecting meeting Him at devotions and readings. I desire a life hidden in Christ. 

3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:3 NIV)

My family's ever supportive and sometimes pushy (about me working locally) but at the end they're always understanding. 

I have learned not to take matters into my hands and trust the One who has never left me. He will not bring me this far, to leave me where I am now. 

Few plans have started that I've been praying for and I continue to pray for God's guidance and opportunities to open up according to His plans. 

And just to share, my heart's stable now and was blessed with 15 to 20 minutes or so time talking yesterday in the lobby of our church. I felt and said the words that I've been feeling in the past, how my soul has been knitted. 

Now back to bed. 

22 May 2016 Sunday Service - Rewards

Today in church we learned about the rewards in heaven. It was relieving to know that our earthly momentarily troubles are not comparing to the rewards that we can receive from God. 

Some of us would think that future is some day in the next years of our lives. That future is very finite and limited comparing to the eternal future we can have in Him. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

The future I was reminded about this verse is infinite and while we long for this eternal future, we are in wait. In the waiting is where our characters are tested. The great thing about the waitinf for this future where we will receive our rewards is that God has put hope in us. He does not let us wait in vain but wait in hope.

21 May 2016

It is assumed that we tend to let our hearts unguarded, our thoughts to wander, our lips to speak rashly that's why the bible tells us to guard our hearts, to focus our thoughts on Jesus, to speak with grace. 

If we then cannot control our emotions, our emotions shall be the one who will control us. If we allow our thoughts to always wander, we would always get lost. If we don't look after what we say, we would hurt people. 

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.”

Proverbs 4:23-24 NIV

Col 3:2 to not always wander, set your thoughts on things above.

and 

Col 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:6 NIV

19 May 2016

Thought of writing down poem. 😁

Fight not the anger. 

Surrender.

Surrender every missing.

Surrender the fear of losing.

Don't give up the person.

Give up the pride.

Don't give up on relationships.

Give up even your right. 

Don't repeat matter

but foster love

Drop concern

Or breach the dam.

What covers wrong

Is love deep

What makes is strong

Is to always give. 

18 May 2017 Wounds

I was putting bandaid on my wounds when I started remembering and writing. I thank God for all the promises He gave. 

Time heals all wounds, we would hear. So when I had to go through healing, I had to use the time by trying to forget what happened. I take some drinks, I run, I go up the mountains. Anyway, time heals. I just need to get busy.

Soon, I felt I was okay. Ready for the world. I took chances. But the wound that's been healed only through time brings memories. When the memory hits, it brings you back to thoughts. Thoughts render you powerless and weak. It was like building house on sand. The foundation was not so strong. It can still destroy you and your future relationships. The memory persists as long as it reminds you of it. Do you then run away again, walk away again, hurt other people again? 

Healing is a process of surrender. Going to the doctor. To the Great Doctor. Mark 2:17

God heals wounds. He binds it (Psalm 147:3), pressing the wound itself right into its core til you scream and ask Him to stop pressing. But it is how wounds would heal, it must be binded to stop the flow of blood. It cannot be stopped if it won't be binded with pressure. Ironic it may seem but you need not understand what's going on (Proverbs 3:5-6) So you surrender the pain, you let Him bring pressure into it. Because we live believing, not what is seeing (2 Cor 5:7)

Then you rest. Just like how someone who has gone through operation in the hospital gets exhausted, you will fall asleep. Yes, not doing much as oppose to how you were before. Not busy. You put yourself into state of  resting that He will give (Matt 11:28). Getting up will take time. You will get dizzy at first, won't be able to do things as what you can do before. You have to rest. While you are resting, be assured that He is close to you, looking after you (Psalm 34:8). If you shall fail, He will be your strength (Psalm 73:26). 

And yes, you need not run from people, that's fear. For with healing, He shall give us the spirit of power, love, self-control (2 Tim 1:7)

That's where healing begins, as the song goes, when you've come to where you're broken within, the light meets the dark. 

17 May 2016

yI have always wanted that my parents would be more professional, more better at home care, best at planning and guidance that I overlook how patient they are, how kind their hearts, how selfless they've been. They are my parents and the bible tells us that they are the pride of our lives (Proverbs 17:6). During this time of staying home for the longest time since I left for Manila when I was 16, I have been learning more of appreciation and respect more than before. 

Today's verse continuing devotions from yesterdays: 

“being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,”

Colossians 1:11 NIV

Our endurance and patience are limited, our fallen nature most of the time would win over hard situations until we put our roots to the source of uneding resilience.

In our limitations, let us ask God to be our extension. 

16 May 2016

Family was complete. It has always been my joy to dine in one table with them and share our stories and jokes. I miss the laughter at simple statements that make us all laugh all together. We're so accustomed to share previous serious stories that turns to be hilarious after a while. My family's not perfect, as eveyone does have our misunderstanding moments but we've somehow managed to adjust with each other. My siblings have become matured through the years and I praise and thank God for His grace and love for this family. Eversince I met Him, Acts 16:31 has been my prayers for us. I believe that the seed of the Word of God is now living inside our hearts. To God I always dedicate my family. 

For today's reading.

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

John 12:24 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.12.24.niv

Unless we break, we won't bear fruit. This is one of the many paradoxes in the bible. Until we die from ourselves, we won't produce the seeds. 

Is God breaking you right now? It will be painful but worth it. Our business is to trust. His business is to change lives. 

15 May 2016

In the past, it was okay for me to miss the church if I have travels or hikes. It was easy to justify. I have been numb to right reasons. 

Today, even if it was a reason of family, I couldn't wait for next Sunday so I can attend church. Ahhh. 

For the reading:

“being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,”

Colossians 1:11 NIV

I pray for strength that comes from His glory. This source surpasses personal endurance and patience that I acknowledge is limited. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. 

14 May 2016 Law

Grace changes us and the way we think, renewing our minds. 

I have read the blessings and curses for obedience and disobedience in Deutronomy and have been contemplating on the stated commandments. The set of commandments for which these will be applied are those commandments God has given to Moses for Israel. But the Israelites, because of the fall of man, wasn't able to do everything written on it, thereby the curses. The law makes us aware of sin. The law just shows how sinful we are and that we need His grace. If not with it, we won't be aware of our death. 

“Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.”

Romans 3:20 NIV

When we become conscious of our sins through the law, it wasn't for condemnation but for salvation. It was for us to understand we cannot save ourseves on our own--we need Him. 

13 May 2016

After six years, I walked with you again in the same place where we used to walk. I checked my heart as I tested the waters today upon guidance. I felt it very sure, I felt it so real. I don't have any pain or anger in my heart. Not a hint. Not a spot. I know it because I cannot hide my emotions. I know it because I would tell it here. 

I get mad when you leave me waiting for hours, when I come first despite the fact you are nearer the place and I come all the way too far. I was there on time. You are always late. Just the same, today we had to wait but the awesome thing is that I never felt bothered at all. Not because I accepted you will always be late but because God has granted me the steadfastness I have been praying for. 

When I told you I was okay two months ago, I never felt too sure until today. I know why. I had to stop mourning Saul. I have moved on. The past should not be used to justify today and fear the future. 

12 May 2016 Recon

Reconciliation may mean far more than forgiveness but yes, if reconciliation isn't possible (yet)--forgiveness always is. Forgiveness is a gift we give and a gift we receive.

Wheter it be forgiveness or the hope for reconciliation, I have learned how to be content in any situation (Phil 4:12). 

It liberates our emotions, it frees our minds. Forgiveness as said doesn't mean something didn't happen in the past, but you don't let that past have any hold of the future. It cannot change the past but can make a big difference in what's going to happen in the future.

God is a God of forgiveness. He is also a God of reconciliation. (Matt 5:24). 

11 May 2016 Eating

I used to have eating disorder for so many years in the past but God's grace showed me a life living in portion control. It was His everlasting love that put an end to my struggles when I was younger. 

The bible shares many events where meals and eating are important. 

Jesus invites us to eat breakfast. John 21:12

Matt 9:10, Have dinner. 

John 6:9, He made a miracle using bread and fish. 

God uses hard truths in the bible to convey His message so the word of God must be read and meditated, methaporically to be eaten, chewed and to be digested. The amazing thing, Jesus always invite us to eat with him and He has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our eating. 

Our bodies live with food but the bible emphasizes that we are not only to live by bread alone--we should live by the Word of God (Mat 4:4). 

We will hunger on what we feed on. If we feed ourselves with the Word of God everyday, we would eventually hunger on it everyday. Whether we eat or drink, do it for God's glory. 

10 May 2016 Healing

Do you want to be healed? Jesus makes really curious interactions with people. In John 15, a man who was lame for 15 years has been waiting by the pool of Bethesda for healing. When He came, He asked him the, well, obvious question. But it was more than a question that can be answered with yes (or no), it us something more than meets the eye. 

Yes, it is what we wanted. That's why we come to our faith of healing, as we come to Him. We wanted to be healed but when He asks us His outrageous question, are we ready with the cost of changes-- from an incapable us, invalid me, to a capable and healed me? Have we thought of the responsibilities of what a healed person would have?

Many of us has been captive of our old self, of how it used to be, how we are for the longest of time--that when we are asked of the question if we wanted to be healed, are we willing to accept the life far beyond we know of and used to. 

Am I willing to sustain the healing thats going to come after? 

Are we willing to change our perspective to a new one after healing?

Are we willing to changes? To my new definition?

Are we willing to let go of our self-pity to new responsibility? 

Am I? I am willing. I am not yet there, but I know God is working in me. I know I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13) and He who began the good work in me will carry it on to completion (Phil 1:6). 

09 May 2016 Part II

I am left with questions I don't ask. Points I don't retaliate. 

Opinions that shall only be kept. 

God is sovereign. He is in control. 

So I pray. 

I obey what is says I should do in the bible.

I meditate on His words. 

I thank God for His grace, I surrender on His holiness. 

09 May 2016 Restore

In the past hour, I lay to rest my heart and guarded my thoughts. I feed with promises. I ask Him to go deeper to change me til I am all saturated by His presence and I am consumed. I don't want to waste this time of my life when He can comfort me, deliver me, and make me a person better than ever before. 

I shouldn't run away because fears will always haunt me. I need not face, as it could destroy me. I have learned to surrended each and every heartbreak and pains before Him, because in His presence, nothing not of Him shall remain. He promises restoration. 

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.”

Psalm 71:20-21 NIV

And I am going through this without any drink but with peace from the Word. This time, this time. It will be all for His glory. 

08 May 2016

John closed his eyes and waited on the Lord, deliberately loosening his clenched fist, listening intently for the familiar still, small voice. Excerpt from Redemption. 

I've been eating His words, His promises and I remind myself that God is the strength of my heart. God is my joy. God is my refuge. He is my salvation in times of heartache just like how Kari, John are reminded of God's Word. 

In church today, our Pastor taught us about intercession. And truly as confirmed, our prayers are most intense during hardships. I was also reminded that when God makes miracles, or when He saves us, let us not just thank Him at the moment, linger on gratitude, linger on how He pulled you from the pit. 

I know sadness hits me, but I remind myself to meditate on His words, I pray of His promise. This is the hope that I have. The hope that I can only cling to now. It is the strongest thing I have now and I know we'll pull off something in this. I shall wait on Him. Just persevere through faith.

In the afternoon, I was able to talk to one of our leaders, pouring my heart to her telling everything I've been through and going through. I even asked once again for forgiveness and didn't keep anything and it went about for three hours. It lifted the burden in me and in the end was refreshed. She said I will have to put on armor (Ephesians 6) . This chapter I've been meditating links up to Proverbs 4:23-26. 

I need to guard my heart, as well as protect my thoughts. I've been telling God why I have to face this when I could run away l, but He said He will be with me. He will strengthen me as I focus myself once again with Him. God is a God of restoration. 

07 May 2016 Brokenness

It is crazy to say to enjoy a broken heart. But when we challenge the norm of feeling that feeling, we become emotionally strong. In many ways, our hearts will still work despite its brokenness.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Paul too was not exempted, accepting suffering and even boasting about his weakness so that Christ's power could manifest all the more.

I am confident that He is close to me, He continues to bind my wounds, He comforts me. He is with me in all these. I can even boast about this brokenness because He can make me whole.

06 May 2016 Pain

I may not be screaming now, the bleeding has stopped, but it left me a scar that runs on the surface of my heart. It pricks at times, more than once in a day. I would literally feel it. My heart murmurs and sometimes it skips a beat. The scar reminds me of how bad it was. Different than before because it is in a state of a concievable exquisite pain. 

I know that there are scars that won't be erased and we'll just have to live with it. That's how it goes, we learn to live it with. Life goes on, so we are. 

What's required of me today, what's the bible is telling is what I must do despite the memory of how the scar went about? That's how I live through. I need to focus on Him til my heart is saturated and pure before Him. 

05 May 2016

The more bad choices you make, the less bad your choices seem.

I have been reading Redemption. It was about marriage but the story gives a lot of insights on how to live our Christians lives. How temptation births to sin, and when we make sinful choices, it is easier for us to make more sinful decisions. 

“but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

James 1:14-15 NIV

In the story, the Holy Spirit prompts Tim, as well as Kari, on the things they are facing. While Kari decides to obey and hold on to God's promises, Tim ignores and soon it has dull his senses to what the Spirit is telling him.

It has reminded me about my reading in Proverbs yesterday.

1. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. 

2. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

3. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. 

4. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. 

5. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

Proverbs 4:23-27

To be able to make right decisions, l need to guard my heart, keep corrupt talks far from my mouth, my eyes to look straight, to be careful and steadfast in my ways, and to keep my foot from evil. 

Tonight, I was able to attend prayer meeting with YAM. 

04 May 2016 Quitting

I'm part of the tender hearts club. I've accepted the fact that I am very soft inside. I get nostalgic at times or would tear at memories. To be honest, I don't like goodbyes so I try not to think about it or else my heart would prick. But God is on sovereignty of using every part of me for His glory, turning my heart to compassion and tender love.

Being at this state, I am vulnerable to hurts. I don't blame others when it comes to tough love they bestow on me as I should view life knowing that I am a work in progress, not as though the significant others are the ones who are in progress in taming tongues, or humility, or even trust. I look into the log in my eye.

In the past, my family has been to different churches, until I've settled to the current church I'm in and wherever I go , I'll surely look for our local church for services in the area.

I cannot deny that I've been to many local church of the same sect (insert name of my church) after the settlement of where I am growing in the awakening during college years (it is another story why I found this church).

After the first church closed its Sunday service to support a new church, I opted another local place (personal reasons). I served God continuously til I had to move after few years because I had major problems with my bestfriend and we didn't end up good. I didn't have problems with church leaders or any groups then, it was just for me to renew my steadfastness and to gather myself once again. I knew I have become too dependent to people.

Then onto another local church, I continue my service. At first, I had to do healing from broken relationships. There were too many times I planned on abandoning my post and find another niche (this time, I was thinking of another sect already). I wouldn't go through details on how it went. Only because I had an opportunity abroad that I somehow left technically. It was very subtle as it wasn't planned though.

Coming abroad, I searched for the same sect of my local church and found it. I served God in the ministry and was able to be used for His glory. The later part of my stay abroad, I asked God for guidance on going back home. This meant going back to the church I left. This time, the-leaving-of-the-current-church is heartbreaking as I have been learning a lot in my personal faith. God brought me to faith deeper than I used to have. I began seeking more about Him and His glory while He continue to work mightily in the lifegroup we have started. People are coming, we all have our different testimonies. We have developed friendships. Things are going awesome. God has been using me in teaching them and sharing my faith and His revelations. Then I have to go home. Many pros which I have prayed about went well and there was peace despite the hurt of leaving them.

Then it dawned on me. If I have to go back, I need to go to a local church. The previous church I had was the closest thing (if not a church nearer to where God will bring me this time). I had mixed emotions. Friends from different local welcomed me to the previous churches I had been. While it gave me happiness, I told them where God has been leading me despite the fact that I have to start again. I could easily join them and continue but it was the leading that's bringing me back to the church where I left.

Although I left with better relationships, some things went out of hand, and some more unstable ones. There will be good people there but I will have to start again. Coming back I thought of what I am to embark. But I know I have to stop running away.

During the times I was praying, I asked God why would I have to endure such pains when I can find another local church and or handpicked people who would understand me perfectly, who would support me. They have welcomed me and would surely guide me. Why would I even sign up for a group where I could be vulnerable because of a pain I could run away from.

But I will be honest, part of my growth mostly come from those challenging times, as through this I seek the truth more and have learned to personally establish and keep my faith through seeking Him. I learn humility, meekness, respect and self-control. I learned grace, submission, and patience.

The bible adheres to church unity (1 Cor 12:27, Romans 12:4-5, and many verses). I have not seen anything like you have to leave a church when things get out of hand or when people challenges you. Our lives are meant to be shared despite differences.

Coming back, one thing is for sure, I will continue to seek Him and His will. I would still want to be involved in a church that I feel I could grow whether in affirmation or pain. The challenge is to focus my eyes on Jesus.

It has been hard on the first week but relieved to knowing that I can stop running and start walking with Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. 

03 May 2016 Put No Confidence

Many time series calls for more reading and devo. 

The thought came this afternoon while cooking, my Dubai experience was for me to get back to myself. One friend told me, I needed that one year away. Another one confirmed that I went there just to find myself. I was trying to deny it til I had to accept the fact. 

Here's for learning the past days that I've been meditating. 

Remember not to put no confidence. You are not your own. 

1. Physical

2. Mental

3. Emotion

4. Power

Appearance - Physical

Do not look at the outside appearance, put no confidence on it. Rather look at the heart. 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.””

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

Thinking - Mental

It is tempting to think highly of ourselves when gain much knowledge, the bible says do not out confidence in the flesh. Paul, who has reason to put confidence in the flesh did not take it for himself.

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” Romans 12:3 NIV

“though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:”

Philippians 3:4 NIV

Pride - Emotions

Do not put confidence in what you feel, it could be pride. One can only be proud when he has tested their own actions without having to compare. 

“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,”

Galatians 6:3-4 NIV

Riches, Wisdom, Strength - Power

Our power brings superiority and confidence. It is easy to be lures by our own power. 

“This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches,”

Jeremiah 9:23 NIV

Do not confidence in in our flesh but put confidence in Christ Jesus, to know Him and make Him known. 

02 May 2016 Changes

I couldn't contain my emotions of gratitude how God can change people. I consider myself not yet there but I thank God for the process. It hurts, it breaks, but I cannot be molded til I am all consumed to be made again. 

There are things I want to do, emotions I keep set aside, all for surpassing glory of knowing and focusing on Him more. It shall take time and I am willing to wait. 

The feeling is just so liberating. It is changing me radically inside. His Words now coming alive in me. All those persisting verses that I eat everyday gives a whole new meaning. 

'As we learn, we will find ourselves willing to give up temporary comforts and pleasures so that we can achieve what God has planned for our lives. '

01 May 2016 Decisions

Today I went to church and learned about decision-making.

I must admit, I used to fear using the Word to justify the decisions and plans I do. But today I was reminded of how I came about the confirmation of my going home. On April 14, I got the word from the bible while on my way to a cousins house. I was reading the bible while waiting. It was so unbelievable that I couldnt contain it. The verse is in Psalms. 

More than the knowledge we can get from reading the Word of God, the bible is mainly to transform lives. There were many decisions in the past that I can tell that I wasn't able to confirm through God's Word. The hurt from a friend, that God used, paved for asking for confirmation through the bible. I was never the same again.

In the teaching today, we learned about how to make right decisions. Each struck me and taught me too much I was so amazed. 

1. Spiritual Test- Is it confirmed with God's Word?

2. Prayer Test- Have you asked for it in prayers?

3. Confirmation Test - Does it give you inner peace and confirmation with Godly advice?

4. Patience Test- Did you think and wait for timing? 

5. Stumbling Test- Is it refusing your Christian values?

6. Supreme Test - Will it give glory to God?