Remember

Tonight some memories came crashing again. It's been a month of sobreity but as I checked on some messages, I have resolved things in the past. The height from which I have fallen. 

I still can't fathom the weight. All I know is that God is so gracious. As I remember these things, I begin to thank Him fo what He has done. 

I usually forget things easily, but the hurts that wounded my heart marks me too much that those are the most things I could remember. Maybe those were the thorns that now pins me to Him. 

Today, the Word was about spiritual emptiness. I had been serving Him, as usual since July of last year, but I had been leaking those times. I wasn't getting filled for eveytime I do those things and medications, I leak. Whenever I decide to accept defeat, I leak. When I forget that I must be sober, I leak. God is just soooo gracious to fill me again and again. He knows my heart. He knows I love Him so much, so deep that despite those things I've done--- He rescued me time and time again. 

This time, I don't want to miss this opporunity to be healed, and be changed. Maybe I am still in the part of healing. Until then, I will desire to be changed. Pray more and utmost to be restored and make all things new. 

I don't want to go back there anymore. I know this is my chance to remember and reminisce so I could understand the height from which I have fallen. I am blogging this tonight to remind myself of His grace. 

May these tears clean my heart and my memories. May this ache be offered to Him as a reminder that He heals. He rescues. He cares for me so much that He didn't want me to go on being the person I used to be. 

I can't do this on my own so I thank Him for answering my prayers. He's been sending people to care and show His love for me. I have never been this happy and better. 

Tonight once again, I confess my sins and wrongdoings. Despite the lack of acknowledgement of its weight, I know those were wrong. I need to remind myself that eventhough I don't feel the weight, I know in my thoughs and in my heart the height it made me fall, that I should be careful in doing things that could hurt Him. 

Tonight, as what the Word this morning was mentioned, remember the height from which you have fallen.