Mixed emotions today. As what I have once read, our hearts has the capacity to hold conflicting emotions. I am elated to have found friends and found a good friend from the Lord. I know it was Him who makes beautiful things. Just this time, I need to continue to heal and eventually ask Him to change me for the better so I may continue keeping them. I was humbled to have been accepted and humbled to not be tolerated.
It's been a month of sobriety! I know deep inside, I am more controlled (except for those little shouts of frustration these days) for I was able to go back to the gym, set my goals, and meet them despite my tired legs already. I take less of melatonin (the good meds), I wake up early, take devotions at night, pray more prayers, and feel more energized.
Where was my self in the last 3 quarters of my life has been.
I remember the song Tendons (The Release) of Ballarive (a Christian indie group). I was like that in the first verses of the song those times. So I pray that He rip these tendons that hinder my reach towards Him. The rap in the last part of the song is so strong statement of desperation for His grace.
https://open.spotify.com/track/55S0E4N3ht6Zzu4hj3nQJj?si=6ba5f293dbf34b1c
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