05 Dec 2016 Desperate

Whenever I feel desperate about something, I remind myself of this: When I trust God with His answers, I should trust Him with His timing. Not my time, not even the plans I have made. This has given me comfort when I feel the very-badly-wanting-or-needing-something. His thoughts are Higher than mine, His plans are greater than I ever could imagine.

So I breathe, I read, I write. I hold on to His promise and these help me get by. The cure to forgetfulness is remembering. Many passages in the bible advises us to remember so as not to forget. It is wisdom to remind ourselves of His words (1 Chronicles 16:15). Our business is to trust Him and His Words. This is the living hope that we have and that the joy of what's coming is far more greater than our momentary sufferings.

11 Nov 2016 The Lesson of the Valley

I began going up the mountains to hike when I was in college and continued loving the mountains when I started my fitness journey. Jesus likes the mountains, it one of the places where He prays.

Reaching the top and finishing the itinerary are the best parts of the whole experience. The going up and the descends are the hardest. In betweens, we would experience walking in a valley, some valleys that are muddy, some easy, some dark.

These valleys are low points between two hills. I can remember Akiki trail's valley which was one of the darkest and scariest valleys I ever crossed. I conquered this valley and survived the peak of Mount Pulag.

Metaphorically, in one way or another, we go through the valleys of life. The valleys of despair. Valleys of low points. Peter and Paul, great men of God, went through many dark periods of introspection to forced them to think about what is really means to follow Jesus. It is where in these valleys that God gives Himself and it is where Peter experienced the unconditional love of the same Christ that he denied just days before; the same Christ who loves, forgives, and gives grace to Paul who had persecuted the followers of Christ.

In Psalm 23, David said that even though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He shall fear no evil for God is with him.

What to do when we go through the valley? Just go through it while we remember His promise that He is with us. What we go through doesn't need validity, it is okay to feel, to think and but in the end of each valley, entrust everything to God. Stay focused on the end goal of the journey, whether it be fitness, spiritual discipline, emotional maturity, or life itself.

04 Nov 2016 New Beginnings

It's been two months since I last blogged. I have not stopped reading and meditating, I just had ample time to do blogging until now that I needed to use the laptop for some flyer-making.

I finished the books of Job, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Nehemiah and now reading the book of Romans. Within the months that passed, I had been doing the business. We started off September with some papers, and October for soft opening. Still a long way to go. I do paperworks, buying stuff, cleaning, refilling, and help Tatay for deliveries. Sometimes I am busy, sometimes I am just lying on the sofa to rest. My sleeping nights were okay because my body is often tired.

I also had writing projects which I wanted to testify here. The day of fireworks explosion in Bulacan, I was supposed to interview the owner of the fireworks store (who, sadly, died). It was providence for us as the meeting was moved, and there were other schedules. I was with Kuya Ding then who told me about everything we have been thankful about. Our lives were spared.

October also was the month of JIL anniv and I was blessed and honored to work for phototeam and MIS.

I have been planning and praying that the business would be protected, and that after a year, I will be able to go back to corporate world. I wanted to also marry as I am not getting any younger. But I don't have a boyfriend now (Wiii) Haha. God will provide. He has always been. Only I need to again and again trust His sovereign power. He is my Father, He is my God.

Writing helps me. I feel okay and I really don't know why. So it is a good thing. I may not be able to write often as before but I wanted to write at my free times.

06 Sept 2016

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

“Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction.”

Job 36:21 NIV

Stay faithful and trust Him. Rejoice in your suffering. 

01 Sept 2016

I've been reading the Word for as much as I can in a day. I choose to eat them like snacks and meals. Meditating and digesting throughout the day. I take them as loving, caring, and lightly as it is. When Jesus teaches in the New Testament, it gives people peace and not fear. The only times Jesus was a bit harsher was when He pointed out the critical spirits of the Pharisees and when He saw how people disrespected the temple of the Lord. 

In all His teachings, He was compassionate and loving. So when I feel that I am weary and burdened, that means I am not taking His yoke which is easy and light. Jesus is very loving.

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””

Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

http://bible.us/111/mat.11.28-30.niv

30 August 2016

Started off Romans.

Salvation is the gift of eternal life through Christ Jesus.

Grace is a blessing of pardon for all our shortcomings while we are here on earth. 

29 August 2016

Finished the book of Acts. It was Paul's journey from his conversion to His pursuit of sharing the Word of the Lord first to the Jews then to Gentiles. 

God shows His faithfulness to Paul at successes and trials. 

Paul's aim is to finish his race for which God has called him heavenward in Christ Jesus. 

God, in many instances in the book, allows things to happen for our thanksgiving, also prevents things from happening for protection, preservation, all for His glory. 

28 August 2016

“To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.”

Titus 1:15 NIV

God's promise:

“To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.”

2 Samuel 22:26-27 NIV

Dear Lord, I pray for clean hands and a pure heart. To do good and to see the good in all things. Amen. 

27 August 2016

I was praying when I saw a vision of God's comfort. I hiked through forest, felt very tired, my muscles very sore. I found a brook leading to a river. I heared the sound of many waters. It was so inviting. It was warm. I soaked into it and found comfort.  I swam as long as I have wanted. After I was cleansed, I felt that feeling I use to feel after a long, satisfied swim. I was physically tired but relaxed. It has given me comfort.

26 August 2016

Wrote this on this date:

Alam kong mas matimyas ang panalangin at awit ng pusong sugatan

Salamat din sa panahon ng kapayapaan

Kung saan ang puso ko'y di man sugatan

Iyon ay dahil hindi Mo ako pinabayaan.

Maraming panahon na napakasarap magpuri at umiyak dahil ako'y nasasaktan

May panahon ding ang puso ko'y nasa payapang inaasam.

Salamat sa lahat ng oras

Maging ito ma'y pagsubok o pagpapasakop.

Salamat sa panahon ng kaligayan man o pagdarahop.

Sa lahat ng ito Ikaw ang hahanapin

Sayo lamang ang puso ko'y babaling.

25 August 2016

Paul, who had the right to boast and brag all that he has had said:

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NIV

In all that he has (wisdom, knowledge, gifts, understanding), he considered himself ganining nothing without love. He continued the chapter with what real love is. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Dear Father, I pray for this kind of love to share to everyone. 

24 August 2016

Peter needed to see his own human weakness in order to learn that his strength was inadequate. Peter had yet to learn what Paul learned: When I am weak then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:10

Jesus accepted, loved, and cared for Peter despite his shortcomings, his outrageous acts, his unplanned boldness. 

23 August 2016

Looked at myself today and remembered how much I've changed from that person of too much agitation and anxiety. I am relieved to knowing that His grace has changed me when I couldn't see myself ever getting well from it when it was happening. 

So today I am remembering the height from which I have fallen. (Rev 2:5). His grace has ever been sufficient. His strength has always been there multiplied in my weaknesses. I am grateful. 

22 August 2016

“So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?””

Hebrews 13:6 NIV

This has been one of my great comforts. I know that at the end of each day and ultimately, at the end of my life, it is only between me and God, not with any man. 

Fear of man is a trap, a snare (Proverbs 29:25a). As we know a trap cages you, but trusting the Lord means safety (25b). 

21 August 2016

Praying that He may put His awareness in me, so my self-awareness will disappear.

While God has given us freewill (and ot is one of His wills), our freewill must choose to will His will. 

19 August 2016

Dear Lord,

“Search me, God, 

and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalm 139:23-24 

20 August 2016

Luke 14:1-6, Jesus also eats with Pharisees as well as (and moreover) Jesus welcomes the sinners on His table to dine with Him (Matthew 9:10). As He received them, so we should. Share the Word, feel their affliction, uphold their cause, and live a life that cares. Like Jesus did.

Let us remove ourselves from being a Pharisee who points other people's guilt, shame their situation, and mock their individuality  (Matt 9:10). Everyone is important to the Lord. 

God intends a full house and for his eternal food to be enjoyed. So he gave his one and only Son to give his life a ransom for many (John 3:16, Mark 10:45)  and to have guests (Jews and Gentiles, sinners and even Pharisees to God's heavenly banquet. it is by receiving Him and His life and continuing to work out our salvation and righteousness with Him, everyday. 

18 August 2016

If it is from the Lord, He will do it. Even if people are against it.

“But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. Then he addressed the Sanhedrin: 

“Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. 

After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. 

Therefore, in the present case I advise you: 

Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.””

Acts 5:34-39 NIV

17 August 2016

Peter saw a vision. In Acts 10:9, he became hungry and wanted to eat but while they were preparing, he fell to a trance and saw from heaven: a sheet with kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. God said, Rise, Peter, kill and eat (I noted that Peter was hungry). Peter said he can't as he has not eaten anything that is unclean. God replied with, what God has made clean, do not call common. Peter was perplexed with this vision. So am I. 

Following chapter and verses showed how God has made the vision into a reality and truth. It was the salvation of everyone. 

Salvation is for the Jews (a person descended from Jewish people, Judaism is the religion) and the Gentiles (a person who is not Jewish, a Christian as distinguished from a Jew). Salvation is for everyone. 

“So if God gave them the same gift he gave us who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I to think that I could stand in God’s way?” When they heard this, they had no further objections and praised God, saying, “So then, even to Gentiles God has granted repentance that leads to life.””

Acts 11:17-18 NIV

16 August 2016

I have been contemplating on the thoughts about the gift of grace and our kindness; the weight of righteousness.

We know the truth: Only by grace we are saved. What is then the weight of trying to be kind and humble when I can just live without having to be nice or have to do good? When I could always fight for my rights. When I can be all too caught up with self. I am saved anyway. I found these verses:

“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him...

2 Chronicles 16:9 NIV

“The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue righteousness.”

Proverbs 15:9 NIV

Righteousness is the condition of being acceptable to God as made possible by God.” God’s standard is what defines true righteousness; His power is what enables it. Unless God is its author, we will never possess righteousness.

Proverbs 12 tells of the wicked and the righteous. How they act differently. It is easy to know a righteous person from a wicked one. While there are major differences between the two, there is a fine line between righteousness and being self-righteous where the latter points to building up of self, true righteousness brings glory to God.

“For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.”

Psalm 149:4 NIV

It is important that we pursue righteousness. Once we grasp the truth and depth about His grace, we will not be the same, and pursuing goodness is just our response to His very overwhelming grace. 

15 August 2016

If You say stay and wait, Lord please give me the strength to do this. 

14 August 2016

We have been learning a lot about the move of the Holy Spirit and His works in our lives. In the morning, we learned that He is our Guide, Comforter, He empowers us, convicts us, regenerates, seals, prompts, emboldens us.

How do we know He is manifested in us?

A good tree will bear good fruit.

““Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.”

Matthew 12:33 NIV

and the fruit of the Holy Spirit is: 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

13 August 2016

Still trying to finish something I've been contemplating. For now, here's what I wrote. Lols.

You need not change for the person you love 

to be loved the way you think 

you will be loved. 

Be who you are,

just how you are. 

You should be loved for you. 

The same way you love for who they are.

Today I am thankful for:

The patience.

The control.

The dinner.

Protection.

12 August 2016

God is omnipresent.

There is no place we can ever be that is outside the presence of the Lord. 

Proverbs 15:3

Jeremiah 23:24

Isaiah 57:15

Psalm 139:7-10

Job 34:21

11 August 2016

The very thorn that I might ask to be removed from me, could be the thorn that in Him pins me. Then I read this: 

Instead of quickly pleading for deliverance, we might more wisely ask God about the purpose of our suffering. 

I have always believed and proved the power of prayer. How He honors when I pray a prayer that reaches Him. And it is only through the way of grace. The bible tells us that He wanted us to pray, He wanted to know what's in our hearts, and delights in answering us ( 1 John 5:14,15, Jeremiah 29:12, Mark 11:2, Psalm 102:7)

Now do I ask this pain be removed from me? I pray that His will be done. Not to remove this cup; His will, not mine.

10 Aug 2016

Getting used to being bum. Today's still rainy. Did the family's laundry and helped Nanay in the store but just about some hours. 

In 'Think on These Things' by MaxwelI, I wanted to be one of those who patches the roof. 

Today's meditated verse:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8 NIV

09 August 2016

In the previous months, I have been learning and being reminded of the will of the Father. It is the refinement of our character, our holiness, the yielding of our lives to Him in whatever circumstance we are in, in worship of Him (Romans 12:1-2). His will for us is to have an eternal life with Him through Jesus (John 3:16). 

We are not able to choose our parents, how it was growing but He surely looks at us and our will if we will to choose Him and glorify Him in our lives. (2 Chr 16:9)

In a movie I've seen yesterday, a father had two sons. One son he gave the city kingship, the other to live in the desert (but with powers also). When the son who lived in the desert confronted his father (after so many years) why they put them in such different state, the father said it was all a test. The king was able to prove goodness out of the power he has while the brother has become bitter towards what happened in his life. 

Jesus experienced misunderstanding, ingratitude, and rejection. Born in a manger, He lived a simple life. But He was never bitter, discouraged, or overcome. To Him, every obstacle was an opportunity. 

08 August 2016

Thankful for the weekend that was. From the answered prayer requests to safety and protection, being well, receiving grace and kindness, for the joy, for the happiness  to talks, patience, care. My heart's been at peace. He covers all fears. 

Yesterday I learned the prayer of praying for His heart. To seek His will for me. To align my heart to what He would wanted. This is just wow. It was like a bomb. 

06-07 August 2016

God didn't tell Joshua that his priority be strategy, training, or strong army. Joshua's priority was to meditate the principles of the Word of God. 

If we ask God of bread, He won't give us a stone. It will always be bread, any form, in the end. 

05 August 2016

Jesus loves the sinners. He has chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith (James 2:5).

I slept the whole morning to get well before I leave for Manila. 

Been watching The Bible Series and I am just amazed at how Jesus went to reach out the sinners. How He changed the lives of these people. 

04 August 2016

I was bedridden for two days due to fever and flu. I slept most of the time. My mother would bring me food or I'll get up to join them to eat and go back to sleep again. During waking moments, I pray and take time to read. Thank God I was able to get up today, at 6am, to do paperworks. Finished by lunch time.

One of my readings went to Isaiah 38, the story of Hezekiah and how God healed him. Isaiah delivered the news from the Lord that he shall die and not recover. In verse 2, Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly. 

The Lord relented and sent another word to Isaiah to tell him that He has heard his prayers and seen his tears. 

I remembered the preaching last Sunday about the story of how God has relented from the destruction of Niniveh because of prayers of the people. 

His love and grace is sufficient for us that while we were sinners, He died for us. The same love and grace He bestows to people who earnestly prays to Him for requests that should glorify Him. 

Prayer changes things, not for us but for His glory. 

03 August 2016

When we face loss, we know we must trust God's timetable for dealing with it. Psalm 37:7 says, rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.

There's two kinds of faith: The if and the though.

If everything goes well, then I will know it is of the Lord.

Though things are going crazy and seems unbelievable, I will still praise Him.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”

Habakkuk 3:17-18 NIV

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;...

Job 13:15 NIV

02 August 2016

My bp has been unstable in the past week. From 90/70 to 130/90, fluctuations in 24 hours. I've been here so I know it when something is not quite okay with my body. I was sickly when I was a kid. I had hepatitis and they would always bring me to a clinic for treatment. I always take meds. I always eat liver growing up for the anemia. I grew up self medicating. 

In all these, God has always been looking and taking care of me. He is the strength of my heart. He is my portion forever. I remember all the nights I was down in bed  with chills and high fever in our boarding house alone, or the time when I was three days bedridden. I never make my parents get worried about me and my health even while I was in Manila having rehab treatment for my backs or when I went to Makati Med for the scanning of my ovaries. The day I had food poisoned throwing up all day while at class. The moments I blackout during my trainings and sit on a corner pretending to rest. The sick days in Dubai. Or worst, the nights I was battling with anxiety and been taking tranquilizers. And to add up, when I was diagnosed with bradycardia. All small stuff to me. I always think I can manage and independent.

I don't even mind when I get sick because I always claim to be strong. I put efforts in strengthening my muscles. I show the world my activities. One friend and the doctor told me to be open about what I'm going through and don't think about what people will say (I was once afraid they'll think I'm weak and or I'm making it up to feel cared/ nagdadrama). Only I realize I cannot always be independent and really needs care. Those who matter won't mind, those who mind don't matter. 

I am just thankful that I am back home now. My mom would insist on cooking noodles for me, but I do. Their presence is of great help for me and bioflu would normally help. I thank God for He says: 

A man's spirit will endure sicknesses / Proverbs 18:14

All those times of delirious moments, my spirit prays. He sustains me.

01 August 2016

Down with slight fever today but managed to do some laundry. I was just a bit slow and stayed in the living room to read. The weekend was a bit full packed. I left home at 5am, with little sleep as I had been excited and praying for a request from the Lord. That He answered! 

The conference I attended was fulfilling. I admire the two pastors who spoke from their heart and beautiful mind in serving the Lord. 

In the evening, I had to wait for 5 hours for a friend. I stayed at her apartment for the night. I probably caught colds on the streets where I was waiting at the last hours. I thank God for the peace and patience He gave me. 

I was feeling weak so I wanted to bike of sweat but it was almost raining so Tatay went with me in the afternoon today. It rained halfway through my supposed 10k. We fetch bro and sis at school. Cooked dinner and blogged now. My eyes are hot. I took meds.

For today's verses were from Psalm 119.

Six verses in Psalm 119 express a common theme. To delight in God is to delight in His Word.

Delighting in God's Word leads us to delight in God. Delight in God drives away fear. 

31 July 2016

Before I left the church, one churchmate said to check my bp again. Wow. Yesterday it was too high, today at lowest again. I have been feeling heart pricking pains. Psychological I say. I am not agitated tho. I know it. I can testify to it. My muscles are laxed. I am not fighting the feeling. No more meds. No more drinks. Organic. 

I couldn't understand why I am to stay. To endure. Why my prayers are different this time. But ahhh!  How broken this could get. Then it played, 'what if Your healing comes from tears. '

Today's preaching was about Niniveh: The City that God Wanted to Save. The heart of God has full of compassion after their repentance. God gives chances after chastening. 

We had YAM lunch fellowship. Ay ewan ko ha. Nagiging excited ako sa games. I feel so active. It makes me come alive. Ansarap ng feeling ng mabilis ang heartbeat. 

30 July 2016

We live in the land of the dying to die for the land of the living. This is the greatest hope we have that once we die here on earth, an eternal life awaits for those who believe that Jesus died for us (John 3:16). This is the gift of salvation.  

But our life on earth is having to know how to live in the gap between salvation and crown and that's where it is the toughest. 

God acknowledges that Christian life is a life of battle that's why He has great promises for those who will endure.

Christian life is an endurance contest (Ptr Bobot). It is about sustenance. We might be in times of being 'hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8-9 NIV) because..'we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:10 NIV)

I remember one pastor in a preaching saying, 'to last longer, stay longer'. Not the grim-strength of grinning our teeth but with the glory strength that God gives (Col 11:1-21). Sticking to long haul is to look at strength greater than ours, which is of the Holy Spirit. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, fight for you, sustain you, give you significance.

..and this has always been my prayer, this verse I may say in the end of my earthly life: 

2 Tim 4:7 i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith.

29 July 2016

esterday I was able to finally secure a driver's license after 3 years of always expiring student permits. I had to wait all afternoon just looking at the TV showing informative lecture on driver's exam (which proved to be of value). There's been an offline, an emergency meeting, and too much people.

It is hard to wait, but the goal of getting something achieved at waiting helps us to hope. The hardest thing about waiting is when we are not sure of what the result of our waiting is. From one of the books I read it says, 'forgetting is painful, waiting is painful, but not knowing which way to go is the hardest kind of suffering' (do I still remember the lines?). 

I realize that when we face the waiting, we  can always look at what God can do with our character with our waiting. It isn't actually the end goal that I am hoping to get but what I am becoming in the waiting. Patience, peace, sound mind, (and if I should add joy, though it's a bit crazy) . I know I can always wait, but it is my desire that God may use these waitings to achieve a character that can last longer than the waiting and to develop a character that will surpass little waiting to the greatest waiting.

These are but little waits we do: waiting for our turns, waiting in line, waiting for result. The bible tells us to take heart and wait for the Lord. This is the greatest waiting we will do and while we wait, God can work our characters if we allow Him to do so. Let our waitings be not in vain. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. 

28 July 2016

Longest drive.
Got my license.
Roadtrip with Tatay.
Exam. Period.
Still managed to cook dinner.
My heart's slower.
Psalm 27:13.

26 July 2016

James 4 warns us againts wordliness and the wrong passions and desires to it, opens with verse asking what causes the quarrels and fights among us. The Bible acknowledges that there exist fights and quarrels among people.

The cure: In verses 7-12, state that to resolve conflicts is to submit ourselves to God, to resist the devil, to draw near to God, clense our hands, purify the hearts. To even wretch and mourn and weep. Even asking that laughter to turn to mourning and joy to gloom; and to humble before the Lord.

It continued to advise of not speaking evil against one another, and staying away from judging our neighbor.

To resolve the conflicts, we must check our motives and submit them to God who judges rightfully.

While conflict is when we see the wrong in others, resolving is submission and to be humble before God. Nothing not of Him will ever exist in the presence of our King.

25 July 2016

I didn't want to accept it. Hearing the truth that almost shook me, I looked to Jesus. What would He do? Then I remember how one of His closest friends denied Him. He loved Peter even when He knew he would. Jesus knew Peter would deny Him but He loved Him anyway. Mark 14:29

Jesus always make provisions for their shortcomings and when Christ has risen and encountered Peter, He did not ask him for a confession of sin, but a confession of love.  

John 21:15

How could Jesus be so forgiving, so loving. 

24 July 2016

It was heartbreaking to know what has been told to people. I cried. I almost couldn't believe all the stories. Thank God for the good judgement I received. I rest my case to the Lord. He is my Judge. I am clean. 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

John 14:27 NIV

http://bible.us/111/jhn.14.27.niv

23 July 2016

and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (Psalm 50:15 NIV)

Did you know that you bring glory to God by calling upon Him when you are in distress? Call upon the Lord and wait exclusively upon Him to rescue you. Then give Him the glory that He deserves.

We honor God when we call unto Him in our days of trouble.

Use every opportunity to bring Him glory, may it be through our witnessing, testimonies, receiving blessings, and overcoming hardships. 

22 July 2016

So it happens. Maybe this time I need not do anything but trust Him. I will rest my case now and let His will be done.

20 July 2016

I must tell you this, I am in distress in the past days. If it was before, I might be agitated and uncontrollable inside but this time, I am controlled. This is like I am about to go to principal's office. I had never been. In my entire schooling days since pre-school, my parents never had any headache on me. I was always nice and dependable (charot). So why now.

I won't ever blame anyone. I actually don't want to explain because I know what happened and I know myself but since I am in a community, I must do this and face them. Sometimes it is hard to walk the aisle of the church when it seems people wanted to ask you what happened. I feel I am in a bad light but should act normal as I could be.

I took the faults for whatever it is. Jesus teaches us to be humble, even giving the other cheek. Always giving, always loving. That is the hardest part of it; when you wanted to pinpoint and put the blame on others and you just have to do what He wanted, what His Words says we should be.

I am not perfect. I have my wrongdoings and to tell you this, the worst thing I am doing right now is making my parents feel I am always right and smarter than they are. I am letting their ego down which I try to change and ask forgiveness from.

I am a sinner that's why I devote myself to Him and ask for His grace always. To ask Him always for His presence in my life so that whatever the enemy tries to put on me, I am inside His loving arms. My past cannot be used on me cos even whatever it is there was clean and safe. It was all emotional agitation that lead to uncontrolled decisions and thoughts which God has been changing in me.

Humility is a learned attitude as what our Pastor says, that's what I've been learning more and wish to uphold in me.

Today I am so tired but thankful for:
Going out to do paperworks. It was painstaking and took a lot of patience in me. Thank God for His extensions.
Drop by Tito and Tita's home and ate bread. They are always saying I am nice. Hehehe.
Finished some laundry, cooked food, did a lot of multi-tasking house chores and I'm sleepy now.
I've got ten minutes tomorrow to share the Parable of the Lost Son.

19 July 2016

I was listening to Chris Tomlin's Jesus when I was reminded of a story from Old Testament. In the lines 'He is beside me in the fire', I recalled the story of Shadrach, Mesach, and Abednego in Daniel 3. They have been summoned to put in the blazing fire, alive, because they did not worship the image which King Nebuchadbezzar set up. 

In verse 16, the three replied '...we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter'. Continued to verse 18, I have always loved this..'if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us...but even if he does not, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods...

What  a stand. What faith they have. And what willingness even if they won't be spared! 

God didn't promise there won't be any hardships in life and that we won't go through fire. 

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””

John 16:33 NIV

In Daniel 3:25, they saw four men walking around the fire. God was with them! He was with these three through the fire, unbound, unharmed! 

Are we going through the fires of life? Just put your trust in the Lord in whatever is going happen. Take your stand. Believe in Him. He will be with us. In the fire.

18 July 2016

Nothing is easy when we have to endure trials. It just is a consolation to endure when the hurts are away. When we don't have to be reminded of the pains. When we can just go somewhere to start over without having to see or hear anything about it.

But what if God wants you to endure and you have to be in a constant pain to be stronger? When you have to just to moan to Him when you feel the need of be comfort.

God controls everything. If I fill my mind with this profound thought, I won't have to worry about things. The promise wasn't that we will not go through sufferings but when we do. His promise is that He won't leave us.

He wants us to trust in Him, put Him first in everything even in the lowest hours of our lives. That is the concept of knowing His Divine control over everything. Nothing is hidden from Him, nothing He doesn't know of. If evil fathers know how to give gifts how much more our Father in heaven give to us what we need.

17 July 2016

I wrote a looot today and created some notes but will just post next days. I'm too dizzy from the full week's celebrations, travels, swimming, cooking, laundry.

This MEMA only today. I read and rewritten haha! 

Do not beg,

people to stay,

when they want to leave. 

Free them,

when they want to be released,

your love is not a cage.

16 July 2016

When the people who are important to our lives leaves us, do we give up on everything in life? Do we become ill or disheartened? Do we get discouraged,  fail, and stumble?

Whenever the important people leaves us (and whether they leave us while we are still alive or leaves us on earth), our main response should always be looking to God and see His Lordship in our lives. 

If we still try to find justification in our own attemp to pursue, to feel justified over discouragement without seeing ourselves putting Him first, our labor of love shall only be in vain, a desperate measure from His salvation and plans. 

Put Him first, even without the motive of getting that 'all things shall be added unto you'. He is God. He knows what you need and when you need it. Maybe someday soon, we'd realize this and make this our life's truth: He is my Shepherd, I shall not want. 

15 July 2016

The past days I have been having frequent heartburns and I am in dire need to exercise again to rechannel my case. Soon when celebation's over I will have to run again. 

I was diagnosed with Bradycardia when I was 24. My heart has a slow resting rate which I and some doctors find cool. Our Pastor also mentioned he has this. The heartbeat is less than 60 per minute.l, which is the usual. 

During my APE in ABSCBN, the doctor who was checking me said she heard murmurs, and that causes arrhythmia, or abnormal heart beatings. The tests confirmed the condition. All APEs resulted same every year. 

I was fat for so long that I couldn't breathe properly and sometimes need brown bag. Maybe it was because of my metabolic concerns, anxieties and recent drug use and doctor said I need to lose weight. 

Since then I had to do some extreme adventures to liven up the beatings of my heart. I run, I went up to mountains, I trek, swim a lot. I push myself to limits of my heartbeat. 

This bradycardia, then gave me slight panic when told but soon discovered in the next APEs how cool it is. Although it could lead to serious health problems, this condition when used properly help people a lot. Highly trained athletes have 'bradycardia athletic' heart syndrome. It helps people to adapt to very hight heart beat during training and thus prevent tachycardia, too high heartbeat. It balances the work of the heart. 

I have never used this condition to justify incapabilities but have been using this to adapt with my activities. I thank God for He can use even these things for us to see blessings in disguises which we only see when we become grateful. He teaches me patience and humility. He gives me room for love and grace. 

14 July 2016

This year I have learned to live life not by the hours but by faithfulness.

We can live til the age of eighty, seventy, sixty, or thirty three, but until we live a life of faithfulness til the end, age is of no worth. Our lives is meaningless without Him. It isn't about position, not about even at points of spiritual heights, but the state of our hearts in the end- acknowledging His salvation and grace. 

I thank God for I have reached this age still in awe and in love of Him. Apart from Him, I am nothing. All I ever wanted is to meet Him at end of my life on earth to praise Him for all eternity in heaven. He is my Shepherd and I lack nothing. He is my salvation and He promises that He won't abandon my soul. He who began a good work in me will complete it. I am called to faithfulness to Him. 

I praise and thank God for this day!

For that lunch. 😊

For that 100 laps swim and underwater music.

For the dinner at a Jap resto courtesy of my friend's mom!

That ride.

For the fellowship with Thursday group YAM in ortigas.

For blessing and being blessed.

That article by Jarrid Wilson!

For the 29 faithful years of the Lord in my life. I desire return faithfulness to Him all the days of my life. 

13 July 2016

Same time last year, I was all alone, kept myself silent over what's going to happen. I went to office, no one knew about what I am about to celebrate. I received the news that I am to exit in two days. Thank God it wasn't the next day. Agitation for the coming days has started. I felt so uncontrollable inside while maintaining a soft outside. Fast forward one year, I thank God for always being with me, with His promise that He has remembered. He always remembers. His grace has changed me. It was from discipline to discipline. 

This was His message to me from John 3:16, 'for I have loved you so much that I am here for you, to have died for you; just believe in Me.' 

Today I thank God for: 

Yesterday's safe travel to and from Manila on a Tuesday.

Was at GH Yam Cubao LG anniv!

Arrived at bus station before 12 and didn't have to wait long for departure. 

Calamba roadtrip with siblings today! 

Free lunch!

Nanay gave me money! Grabeee. I testified this last night also. I hope I could be as kind and understanding as her. 

Roadtrip PreB! 

Classical music day

12 July 2016

Dear self,

As much as you have been really sorry, and have been forgiven, you also have to forgive yourself. Your genuine repentance is enough, and if you must go through consequence, it is okay, forgive yourself. 

I know it is hard. You have guilts. You have upset days. You regret and you wish you did better. But it has been done. Forgive yourself. 

You cannot wake up each day always feeling sorry. You have to accept that things happen, and learn from it. Hoping and praying it won't happen again as you will have to know what to do next time, if it will be permitted. Forgive yourself. 

Say your sorry. Say it sorrowfully as you have been feeling. Forgiven or not. Reconciled or learned. Forgive yourself. 

God's grace has forgiven you. He took everything on the cross. Forgive yourself, too. 

11 July 2016

Focus not on self realization and building up self but to knowing Christ and His power. This made the difference in my life in this season.

Our self realization makes us proud of our own achievements and power, whereas knowing Christ's power humbles us, it is not our own but His glory. 

During the last of the same circumstance, I took pride in the success of what I did. I was very proud of the results til it had to be done like a resilient thing that taught me to bend once again, pass through it again and realize the things I must do. That is to cling to His power. I must say, it was really crazy to stay. 

So wheter it is of eating, drinking, serving, we do it for our King. There isn't menial task or greater attempt, only heart of passion. Always recognize Jesus to everything we do and anything should always point to Him. Our aim is to always know Him.

Thankful for:

Yesterday's opportunity that gave me simple joy.

Was able to visit the municipal's office to gauge the task I was to embark.

Started something today. 

10 July 2016

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

This verse I remember during that sweet fellowship in our worship today. He was the One who set the eternity in our hearts, in this, no finite thing or being can ever satisfy that longing He can fulfill as He is infinite. It is His presence in our lives that can fully satisfy. 

Mark 5:30

/Be not afraid, only believe. 

That simple resounding command of the Lord. He says simple things, asks us not of the fancy stuff but to simply believe. It is hard to do but this statement is simply powerful that if wasn't said, we would wonder how would we have to face trials in our lives. Just believe. 

The story continued in Mark 5, 

“But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was.”

Mark 5:40 NIV

Unbelief inhibits the move of the Lord. In the story, Jesus asks only the parents and his disciples to be with Him when He revived the girl who just died. If we believe He can do, we must trust fully that He will. 

Today I am thankful for:

The Sunday worship services I attended.

That sweet moment of brokenness and His assurance.

Dinner with YAM at Pedro and Coi.

Some lubongs! 

Arrived at the bus terminal just before it rained so hard.

09 July 2016

Do I really dare to let God be to me all that He says He will be? I believe in the many perfect and good things He is. I should be practicing and believing and putting audacious faith in what I preach. God is sovereign, God is powerful, God is gracious, God is holy, God is so ever-loving. 

Today I am grateful for:

I needed allowance but when Nanay wanted to give me, I said I can manage. (minds computed how much I'd spend this weekend, shrugs* could sacrifice). My heart was melting when I left home.

Arriving at terminal, I only waited 5 minutes and it went ahead. I didn't have to wait.

Newsboys' Something Beautiful 

Met with old friends, free lunch, too much stroll. First time I actually went to Zara, Pull and Bear, and Celine and someone really bought. Had fun talking to Tita. She's funny. 

Free board tonight! 

08 July 2016

Mystery fuels our worship. His will stimulates our trust.

Sometimes I would wonder if I know things, our lives will be easier that we don't have to be planning, guessing, (and praying) but the real deal is that all those we do not know makes us cling to Him more than our own understanding, help us walk by faith and not by sight, trust His ways than our own plans. It teaches us to seek, to pray, read His Word, attend services.

He sees far beyond what I can see, His ways are higher than mine and we are called, more than to understand, to trust. 

Today I am grateful for:

That 2am cold cuts, bread, cheese, wine celebration for Erlene's birthday. I was up til 5am to watch a movie. 

And I was able to cook Carbonara again and they again said it is all good! Haha. My parents are the best eaters of my dishes. 

😊

07 July 2017

The weaker we become, the more God's grace is multiplied. // Today's on 2 Cor 12:9 

Did you know that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us? Romans 8:18. It is just a papercut in the trip of a lifetime. Nothing compares to the joy that's coming, yes not even the pain we are enduring. 

Today I am thankful for 

The free rides! It has been weeks and weeks of provision. All timely I am amazed.

I was in Manila for YAM prayer and worship night. 

Glad to meet some old friends.

Also to have spent time helping someone today. 

I tasted cheese bread. Real one! 

Finally gotten my COE from UBP! 

Thank You, Father.

06 July 2016

As the great NBA star and Hall of Famer Jerry West once said, 'You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good'.

I have been waking up upset in the past days, especially after dreaming those dreams and waking up to reality that it's just a dream. I may wake up at the wrong side of the bed but I breathe prayers at waking up. I ask Him for comfort. I do not want to let myself go to bed feeling all bad in the evening so I remember all the good things He has done for me during the day. Do good even when you don't feel okay and it is okay not to be okay. The cure is to be grateful.

Today I am grateful for:

Went with bro to Sta Cruz (that's about 25 kilometers away and I drove back using 4th gear for the first time with less supervision! Tatay didn't go with us. Glad of this achievement.

We ate bread and chips and tea while on our way.

I got all other Peak games for free for one week!

05 July 2016

Because this is the day that the Lord has made (Ps 118:24) we should be rejoicing and be glad in it and it is the will of God to be thankful.. (1 Thess 5:18)

We should always train ourselves to spot the wildflowers in the wilderness and that is the secret to counting it all joy. In times of hardships is where we see those little blessings that He wanted us to be thankful for. 

It is easy to thank God when things are good but the command isn't just to be grateful when we are all well, but in ALL circumstances. This doesn't mean to be thankful FOR what's happening or the hardships, but thankful IN whatever state we are in.

When we shift our focus from pain to blessings, we let ourselves shift from earthly to heavenly.

Today I am grateful for:

No early work so I am staying in bed.

The book I am reading!

More reading time

Family's complete

I can just get up and eat every morning 

Will Reagan's In the Morning

Retuned my guitar and sang

The wellness and safety He gives to that person, and strength to even pray for..

For the teaching to love beyond pain and understanding
For learning to drive four wheels 

04 July 2016

A single thread in the grand tapestry cannot comprehend the pattern of the whole.

Our problems and trials cannot define our lives. There's just so much in life to be doing and thankful for.

My Dubai experience was part of His plan in my life. I knew I have prayed for it, and He made the best out of my stay there. There were some understanding gaps before, during, and after my stay there but He has shown His ways out of it. It was very short and sweet and though the life I have been planning to go back with has changed massively, I still raise up my hands in praises to our Lord. In all these happenings and changes, my heart is still grateful for all graces He has given me. There were many reasons why I was brought back. Many reasons why I have, this time, chosen not to run away. I wasn't strong. I could be hypocrite if I say that all is well and that I have accepted the things that's been happening but, all the more, these propels me to stay seeking and searching. All the more He shows His power in my life. Maybe someday, some little things will be alright by then. If not, God has His will that I am trusting would be all worth it for my life.

I meditate the words I learned the other day. Do good, be happy, remember my Creator whenever I clean the house, cook for my family, laundry all their clothes, do financial planning. If what I am doing will fit on those, then I am doing just fine despite those single threads in the grand tapestry. I wake up each day with sad thoughts but I do not let myself get up feeling all bad. I wrestle. I ask His comfort. This time, it will be the last. It will be different. I know it. I knew everything that happened in my in the past. More than my personal knowing, my Creator knows all and the details. He sees far more than my nose's perspective, His is infinite. We only know the hurt, He knows why.

Charles Spurgeon once said, 'I would go into the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary'. True to its essence, these cuts have help me minister to few people I have opportunity to talk with.

These wounds which have been healed are reminders, it is my joy to share the pain of people who are currently in bleeding cos I myself have been in the depths. Then these wounds are now joys which I offer to God.

03 July 2016

Today I was filled. God moved mightily in the church. It was an awesome experience and I am dreaming of the days I could bring my family with me every week to join me in worshipping our Father.

These were the verses and promises God has taught me in the services today.

“For this is what the high and exalted One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”
Isaiah 57:15 NIV

The verse above was comforting knowing our God is so big, so powerful, so holy but He can live in our hearts. The heart that sins, that's bruised, broken, weak -He promises revival of it.

From third service:
David did not take pride on what he has (sling and five smooth stones) while Goliath took pride in his might and bronze shields. David rested in the truth knowing that the battles is not his but the Lord's. David was humble, even from the beginning. 

Psalm 20:7
Some trust in chariots, some in horses; But we will remember the name of the Lord.

Justice, mercy, faith ~ these you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. Matt 23:23

02 July 2016

It is our birth month and the family's complete. There's been a major progress in what we've been building in the past days. 

Solomon, in the book of Ecclesiastes opened up how it is vanity to chase after wisdom, to self-indulgence, to living wisely, to toil. He ended each topic with 'I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after the wind'. In chapter 3, he even said that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful, and to do good as long as they live. 

In most state of our striving, we come into times we realize that whatever we do, it will just be vanity, nothing we can gain. I realize that no matter how thriving we are, most of the things we do would just be vanity. A chase after the wind. As said, nothing better than to be joyful. In addition tho, still continue to do good. In the end of the book, it was said to remember your Creator in the days of your youth. 

In all these vanities. Be joyful. Do good. Remember God. 

30 June 2016

I am not fond of watching tagalog films but yesterday, I was in our living room reading when my parents decided to watch The Mistress in Cinema One. Casted by John Lloyd and Bea, it depicted  the story of Bea as the mistress of JLC's father. In one of the scenes growing to plot's end, Bea's bestfriend tried to wake her up to reality. Conversation went like.

Friend: Hindi mo kayang magisa!

Bea: Kaya ko! 

Friend: Tanggapin mong hindi mo maging kayang maging masaya ng magisa!

Something like that. Haha! It dawned on her. She can be alone yes, but it is another thing to be alone yet happy. 

Our true security should come from the fact that God never leaves us. That should inspire us to be happy even if we are at times alone. He is our joy and our salvation. 

29 June 2016

Dear Lord,

Your timing is perfect. Help me to wait patiently and with joy. :)
Let me be grateful each day, remembering Your goodness, Your grace, Your love as I humble myself to Your holiness.

Amen.

28 June 2016

I decided to put down blogging for a time while I make myself remember the many good things God is doing in my life. I was mad, I often catch myself asking what wrong have I done. Then it hit me, no one is good anyway, we are all sinners,we have fallen short of His glory and during this suffering, it was all but to make me look up to Him more. His revelations were my consolations, He can do it while I pray. Even if no justice will be served, it will still be under His control.

I have been reading a new book which was very timely. There were many realizations. One day, I decided to pick up myself once again.  It wasn't to start over, but to continue. There's a life I must live even if it wasn't the situation I had planned. There's still anger, bitterness, but greater is the grace that overwhelms me. Many of the bible heroes has gone through sufferings, one thing they commonly do- remember God's goodness. Yes, God is sovereign, God is omnipotent, He can turn things to our favor, but there would be times that He allows things to happen to know what was in our hearts. He wanted to know how yielding we are to Him-- in season and out of season. He knows our limitations and we could even remember that when we give up, He will still be there.

27 June 2016

Everything good comes from our Father (James 1:17). If anything is good, surely it is from above. But Satan's plan is to kill, to steal, and destroy (John 10:10). If it was something bad, it was the enemy's goal.

God is omnipotent and sovereign, He knows all things that happens. If something bad has been allowed to occur, it was only for Him to know how we respond to it. God won't desire broken relationships, wouldn't want us to be hurt, doesn't want us to get strayed. If any of those bad situation has come our way and we have succumb to the enemy's goal, we lose. If we can still say, our hearts will choose to say, blessed be Your name (Job 1:21) then everything He can work out for good (Romans 8:28).

26 June 2016

If I truly believe He is a God of Justice (He is), a God who is sovereign (He is), our God who knows everything (He is). Then why should I take matters into my own when I can trust He will do what He says, in His ways, His time. 

I live by faith. I am called to pure thoughts. I should pursue holiness for He is Holy. I should look to Him not on my cicumstances. I will have to be steadfast despite what other people says. I need to have that gentle and quite spirit. I ought to ask revelations from Him. I have to remember He is God, He is also my Father. 

20 June 2016

My family knows me, few people I call friends probably knows me same, I know myself, far more than all these, God knows me. He knows my name, the number of hairs I have, He knew me when I was still there in the dark corners of my mother's womb. He knows when I rise and when I sleep. He knows my thoughts, all I feel, just about everything I am. He loves me. There is no comfort greater than knowing this truth.

14 June 2016

In our last week's fellowship, we were asked about the state of our spiritual life. I shared how it went about the past days, months. How I unlearn and relearned many things from our Father through sweet fellowship with the Holy Spirit. 

In one question, what's the hindrance to that state, I thought of fear. That little panic attacks I used to have. 

This week, a friend from a bookstore gave me a book that links to it. 

I am always amazed at how God weaves things. Sometimes I don't understand, but I am not called to, but to trust. He will be the strength of my heart. My portion forever. He is what I believe to be just and righteous. 

“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.”

Isaiah 61:7 NIV

13 June 2016

Why we're all in third service.
Why some groups has been dismembered and new groups were formed.
Why after service are fellowships of us.
Why I have friends I can sleepover.
Why I have confirmations.
Why my parents understand me.
Why it has been allowed if not for anything.

I thought it was me, til I had to test and checked on it. He allowed it.

09 June 2016

I am always inspired by other people's faith, their amazing testimonies that I would want to have that kind of audacious devotions. I would sometimes pray their prayers, try out with me how it worked for them. But today I realized and was prompted of my personal devotions and faith to Him. My relationship with Him is uniquely awesome and my personal prayers will always be something between us. It may not be as grand as what others have but sure it is special. I desire to still be a testimony, my faith to be known but more than that, I desire Him and to know Him more. 

Pastor Joey, in his preaching last Sunday, remembered when he was starting would imitate how one pastor prayed, more of less 8 hours and so his teachings and healing ministry was unbelievable. He tried to do how this pastor was doing until he realized he can't but understood his personal relationship with God was more important. So he began to do it how he would. 

God loves us and wants a relationship with us. He is very much willing to teach us what we need to do or pray for. It is His delight to be with us. 

07 June 2016

I passed the 100th day since that day on May 28, 2016, pursuant to God and His word more than ever and best is yet to come. He has been weaving things as I stand in awe of Him. He was my very hope at my lowests, but raising my benchmark state to an equilibrium. I eat His Words everyday so when time of distress comes, I have something to digest. It is my energy. It is in my blood. 

Looking at Jesus how unshakeable He is, He put God the Father first so He stands strong in promises every day. 

Dear Lord,

I desire to be sincere in everything I do for You. You tests hearts, and You sees in secret, nothing is hidden from You. May You find me always in hunger and searching for You and Your glory as You strengthen my heart. 

Amen

Matthew 6:1-16

Psalm 139

06 June 2016

The past days were stressful and I got weary so I am looking forward to a restful week. I thank God for He has given me grace to understand how to manage my stress, sometimes it spills on my face but I know that my insides has been steadfast on His promises. His power is made perfect in my weaknesses. 

I have learned and learning the doing to listen first from Him before I speak. I pray that my heart may yield to Him and my core be rooted on Him. There are storms, rains in my wish-to-be-all-summers life, the bible is very open about the idea that we will go thru trials, but is very reminding us that His grace will always be sufficient, leaving us peace and hope to hold on to during the passing of the challenges. 

I am waiting on God for new work, opportunities to be open, for His leadings not with gritting teeth, but with the glory-strength that He gives. In the waking moments of pains, I always surrender and look to Him. My flesh and my heart may fail, but He is the strength of my heart. 

To love, to not neglect, to remember, to be undefiled, to be contented--for He will never leave me. He is my Helper. //On Hebrews 13:1-6

02 June 2016 Graces

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,”

Titus 2:11-12 NIV

http://bible.com/111/tit.2.11-12.niv

If grace is an ocean, we are all sinking. 

The passage shows another awesome gift of the grace of God. Grace isn't just something we receive once but an ocean we can swim into. 

The law opens our eyes to our sins but the grace of God allows us to be saved. Moreover, it does not only open the door for salvation, but grace is a guide to holiness. The grace of God helps us to say no to worldly passions, leading us to live a self-controlled and godly lives. 

01 June 2016 Dry Bones

Apart from His grace, I am but flesh with nothing good dwells in. Can these bones live? Behold, He will cause breathe to enter in me, and I shall live. 

(Eze 37:1-14)

My dear Creator,

I am but a dry bone, nothing good dwells in me. I thank You putting flesh on me, skin that covers me. Thank You for breathing on me making me live. You who began a good work in me (Phil 1:6) has also given me hope and has placed Your Spirit in me thay I may fully live. You are my Creator, You are my Lord. 

Amen.

31 May 2016

Dear Lord,

Thank You for Your Word today. I desire to put You first in everything.

If I feel afraid of the situation, weaken by sense of insecurity, tired of pursuits, shaken by uncertainties, agitated by instabilities, it is because I have not put trust in You first. Help me to be reminded that in everything I do, I should always seek You. Always lead my way, my Shepherd, my King. 

Amen. 

24 May 2016

Stayed in bed the whole day and took about 6 pcs of Vitamin C, 2 each meal, and felt better in the evening. I was even able to cook dinner. 

At waking times, I'd continue to read Redemption. Been learning a lot on this book. 

It comes down to your fears. When a relationship isn't working, fears are usually the base of the trouble.

1 Tim 1:7

23 May 2016

It's been a month since I came. On the 23rd of April, I was in bed all day, tired and jetlagged. Today, after coming back from Manila, my colds and cough have gone worse so I stayed in bed. 

It has been a good month of waking up early, cooking lunches and dinners, going to and from Manila to Laguna. God has always been providing all my needs including houses I could stay for a night or two while away from home. 

I am not in a hurry to do things these days . I put my trust in God as I continue to do what must be done for the day. Not neglecting meeting Him at devotions and readings. I desire a life hidden in Christ. 

3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:3 NIV)

My family's ever supportive and sometimes pushy (about me working locally) but at the end they're always understanding. 

I have learned not to take matters into my hands and trust the One who has never left me. He will not bring me this far, to leave me where I am now. 

Few plans have started that I've been praying for and I continue to pray for God's guidance and opportunities to open up according to His plans. 

And just to share, my heart's stable now and was blessed with 15 to 20 minutes or so time talking yesterday in the lobby of our church. I felt and said the words that I've been feeling in the past, how my soul has been knitted. 

Now back to bed. 

22 May 2016 Sunday Service - Rewards

Today in church we learned about the rewards in heaven. It was relieving to know that our earthly momentarily troubles are not comparing to the rewards that we can receive from God. 

Some of us would think that future is some day in the next years of our lives. That future is very finite and limited comparing to the eternal future we can have in Him. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

The future I was reminded about this verse is infinite and while we long for this eternal future, we are in wait. In the waiting is where our characters are tested. The great thing about the waitinf for this future where we will receive our rewards is that God has put hope in us. He does not let us wait in vain but wait in hope.

21 May 2016

It is assumed that we tend to let our hearts unguarded, our thoughts to wander, our lips to speak rashly that's why the bible tells us to guard our hearts, to focus our thoughts on Jesus, to speak with grace. 

If we then cannot control our emotions, our emotions shall be the one who will control us. If we allow our thoughts to always wander, we would always get lost. If we don't look after what we say, we would hurt people. 

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.”

Proverbs 4:23-24 NIV

Col 3:2 to not always wander, set your thoughts on things above.

and 

Col 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:6 NIV

19 May 2016

Thought of writing down poem. 😁

Fight not the anger. 

Surrender.

Surrender every missing.

Surrender the fear of losing.

Don't give up the person.

Give up the pride.

Don't give up on relationships.

Give up even your right. 

Don't repeat matter

but foster love

Drop concern

Or breach the dam.

What covers wrong

Is love deep

What makes is strong

Is to always give. 

18 May 2017 Wounds

I was putting bandaid on my wounds when I started remembering and writing. I thank God for all the promises He gave. 

Time heals all wounds, we would hear. So when I had to go through healing, I had to use the time by trying to forget what happened. I take some drinks, I run, I go up the mountains. Anyway, time heals. I just need to get busy.

Soon, I felt I was okay. Ready for the world. I took chances. But the wound that's been healed only through time brings memories. When the memory hits, it brings you back to thoughts. Thoughts render you powerless and weak. It was like building house on sand. The foundation was not so strong. It can still destroy you and your future relationships. The memory persists as long as it reminds you of it. Do you then run away again, walk away again, hurt other people again? 

Healing is a process of surrender. Going to the doctor. To the Great Doctor. Mark 2:17

God heals wounds. He binds it (Psalm 147:3), pressing the wound itself right into its core til you scream and ask Him to stop pressing. But it is how wounds would heal, it must be binded to stop the flow of blood. It cannot be stopped if it won't be binded with pressure. Ironic it may seem but you need not understand what's going on (Proverbs 3:5-6) So you surrender the pain, you let Him bring pressure into it. Because we live believing, not what is seeing (2 Cor 5:7)

Then you rest. Just like how someone who has gone through operation in the hospital gets exhausted, you will fall asleep. Yes, not doing much as oppose to how you were before. Not busy. You put yourself into state of  resting that He will give (Matt 11:28). Getting up will take time. You will get dizzy at first, won't be able to do things as what you can do before. You have to rest. While you are resting, be assured that He is close to you, looking after you (Psalm 34:8). If you shall fail, He will be your strength (Psalm 73:26). 

And yes, you need not run from people, that's fear. For with healing, He shall give us the spirit of power, love, self-control (2 Tim 1:7)

That's where healing begins, as the song goes, when you've come to where you're broken within, the light meets the dark. 

17 May 2016

yI have always wanted that my parents would be more professional, more better at home care, best at planning and guidance that I overlook how patient they are, how kind their hearts, how selfless they've been. They are my parents and the bible tells us that they are the pride of our lives (Proverbs 17:6). During this time of staying home for the longest time since I left for Manila when I was 16, I have been learning more of appreciation and respect more than before. 

Today's verse continuing devotions from yesterdays: 

“being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,”

Colossians 1:11 NIV

Our endurance and patience are limited, our fallen nature most of the time would win over hard situations until we put our roots to the source of uneding resilience.

In our limitations, let us ask God to be our extension. 

16 May 2016

Family was complete. It has always been my joy to dine in one table with them and share our stories and jokes. I miss the laughter at simple statements that make us all laugh all together. We're so accustomed to share previous serious stories that turns to be hilarious after a while. My family's not perfect, as eveyone does have our misunderstanding moments but we've somehow managed to adjust with each other. My siblings have become matured through the years and I praise and thank God for His grace and love for this family. Eversince I met Him, Acts 16:31 has been my prayers for us. I believe that the seed of the Word of God is now living inside our hearts. To God I always dedicate my family. 

For today's reading.

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

John 12:24 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.12.24.niv

Unless we break, we won't bear fruit. This is one of the many paradoxes in the bible. Until we die from ourselves, we won't produce the seeds. 

Is God breaking you right now? It will be painful but worth it. Our business is to trust. His business is to change lives. 

15 May 2016

In the past, it was okay for me to miss the church if I have travels or hikes. It was easy to justify. I have been numb to right reasons. 

Today, even if it was a reason of family, I couldn't wait for next Sunday so I can attend church. Ahhh. 

For the reading:

“being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,”

Colossians 1:11 NIV

I pray for strength that comes from His glory. This source surpasses personal endurance and patience that I acknowledge is limited. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. 

14 May 2016 Law

Grace changes us and the way we think, renewing our minds. 

I have read the blessings and curses for obedience and disobedience in Deutronomy and have been contemplating on the stated commandments. The set of commandments for which these will be applied are those commandments God has given to Moses for Israel. But the Israelites, because of the fall of man, wasn't able to do everything written on it, thereby the curses. The law makes us aware of sin. The law just shows how sinful we are and that we need His grace. If not with it, we won't be aware of our death. 

“Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.”

Romans 3:20 NIV

When we become conscious of our sins through the law, it wasn't for condemnation but for salvation. It was for us to understand we cannot save ourseves on our own--we need Him. 

13 May 2016

After six years, I walked with you again in the same place where we used to walk. I checked my heart as I tested the waters today upon guidance. I felt it very sure, I felt it so real. I don't have any pain or anger in my heart. Not a hint. Not a spot. I know it because I cannot hide my emotions. I know it because I would tell it here. 

I get mad when you leave me waiting for hours, when I come first despite the fact you are nearer the place and I come all the way too far. I was there on time. You are always late. Just the same, today we had to wait but the awesome thing is that I never felt bothered at all. Not because I accepted you will always be late but because God has granted me the steadfastness I have been praying for. 

When I told you I was okay two months ago, I never felt too sure until today. I know why. I had to stop mourning Saul. I have moved on. The past should not be used to justify today and fear the future. 

12 May 2016 Recon

Reconciliation may mean far more than forgiveness but yes, if reconciliation isn't possible (yet)--forgiveness always is. Forgiveness is a gift we give and a gift we receive.

Wheter it be forgiveness or the hope for reconciliation, I have learned how to be content in any situation (Phil 4:12). 

It liberates our emotions, it frees our minds. Forgiveness as said doesn't mean something didn't happen in the past, but you don't let that past have any hold of the future. It cannot change the past but can make a big difference in what's going to happen in the future.

God is a God of forgiveness. He is also a God of reconciliation. (Matt 5:24). 

11 May 2016 Eating

I used to have eating disorder for so many years in the past but God's grace showed me a life living in portion control. It was His everlasting love that put an end to my struggles when I was younger. 

The bible shares many events where meals and eating are important. 

Jesus invites us to eat breakfast. John 21:12

Matt 9:10, Have dinner. 

John 6:9, He made a miracle using bread and fish. 

God uses hard truths in the bible to convey His message so the word of God must be read and meditated, methaporically to be eaten, chewed and to be digested. The amazing thing, Jesus always invite us to eat with him and He has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our eating. 

Our bodies live with food but the bible emphasizes that we are not only to live by bread alone--we should live by the Word of God (Mat 4:4). 

We will hunger on what we feed on. If we feed ourselves with the Word of God everyday, we would eventually hunger on it everyday. Whether we eat or drink, do it for God's glory. 

10 May 2016 Healing

Do you want to be healed? Jesus makes really curious interactions with people. In John 15, a man who was lame for 15 years has been waiting by the pool of Bethesda for healing. When He came, He asked him the, well, obvious question. But it was more than a question that can be answered with yes (or no), it us something more than meets the eye. 

Yes, it is what we wanted. That's why we come to our faith of healing, as we come to Him. We wanted to be healed but when He asks us His outrageous question, are we ready with the cost of changes-- from an incapable us, invalid me, to a capable and healed me? Have we thought of the responsibilities of what a healed person would have?

Many of us has been captive of our old self, of how it used to be, how we are for the longest of time--that when we are asked of the question if we wanted to be healed, are we willing to accept the life far beyond we know of and used to. 

Am I willing to sustain the healing thats going to come after? 

Are we willing to change our perspective to a new one after healing?

Are we willing to changes? To my new definition?

Are we willing to let go of our self-pity to new responsibility? 

Am I? I am willing. I am not yet there, but I know God is working in me. I know I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13) and He who began the good work in me will carry it on to completion (Phil 1:6). 

09 May 2016 Part II

I am left with questions I don't ask. Points I don't retaliate. 

Opinions that shall only be kept. 

God is sovereign. He is in control. 

So I pray. 

I obey what is says I should do in the bible.

I meditate on His words. 

I thank God for His grace, I surrender on His holiness. 

09 May 2016 Restore

In the past hour, I lay to rest my heart and guarded my thoughts. I feed with promises. I ask Him to go deeper to change me til I am all saturated by His presence and I am consumed. I don't want to waste this time of my life when He can comfort me, deliver me, and make me a person better than ever before. 

I shouldn't run away because fears will always haunt me. I need not face, as it could destroy me. I have learned to surrended each and every heartbreak and pains before Him, because in His presence, nothing not of Him shall remain. He promises restoration. 

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.”

Psalm 71:20-21 NIV

And I am going through this without any drink but with peace from the Word. This time, this time. It will be all for His glory. 

08 May 2016

John closed his eyes and waited on the Lord, deliberately loosening his clenched fist, listening intently for the familiar still, small voice. Excerpt from Redemption. 

I've been eating His words, His promises and I remind myself that God is the strength of my heart. God is my joy. God is my refuge. He is my salvation in times of heartache just like how Kari, John are reminded of God's Word. 

In church today, our Pastor taught us about intercession. And truly as confirmed, our prayers are most intense during hardships. I was also reminded that when God makes miracles, or when He saves us, let us not just thank Him at the moment, linger on gratitude, linger on how He pulled you from the pit. 

I know sadness hits me, but I remind myself to meditate on His words, I pray of His promise. This is the hope that I have. The hope that I can only cling to now. It is the strongest thing I have now and I know we'll pull off something in this. I shall wait on Him. Just persevere through faith.

In the afternoon, I was able to talk to one of our leaders, pouring my heart to her telling everything I've been through and going through. I even asked once again for forgiveness and didn't keep anything and it went about for three hours. It lifted the burden in me and in the end was refreshed. She said I will have to put on armor (Ephesians 6) . This chapter I've been meditating links up to Proverbs 4:23-26. 

I need to guard my heart, as well as protect my thoughts. I've been telling God why I have to face this when I could run away l, but He said He will be with me. He will strengthen me as I focus myself once again with Him. God is a God of restoration. 

07 May 2016 Brokenness

It is crazy to say to enjoy a broken heart. But when we challenge the norm of feeling that feeling, we become emotionally strong. In many ways, our hearts will still work despite its brokenness.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Paul too was not exempted, accepting suffering and even boasting about his weakness so that Christ's power could manifest all the more.

I am confident that He is close to me, He continues to bind my wounds, He comforts me. He is with me in all these. I can even boast about this brokenness because He can make me whole.

06 May 2016 Pain

I may not be screaming now, the bleeding has stopped, but it left me a scar that runs on the surface of my heart. It pricks at times, more than once in a day. I would literally feel it. My heart murmurs and sometimes it skips a beat. The scar reminds me of how bad it was. Different than before because it is in a state of a concievable exquisite pain. 

I know that there are scars that won't be erased and we'll just have to live with it. That's how it goes, we learn to live it with. Life goes on, so we are. 

What's required of me today, what's the bible is telling is what I must do despite the memory of how the scar went about? That's how I live through. I need to focus on Him til my heart is saturated and pure before Him. 

05 May 2016

The more bad choices you make, the less bad your choices seem.

I have been reading Redemption. It was about marriage but the story gives a lot of insights on how to live our Christians lives. How temptation births to sin, and when we make sinful choices, it is easier for us to make more sinful decisions. 

“but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

James 1:14-15 NIV

In the story, the Holy Spirit prompts Tim, as well as Kari, on the things they are facing. While Kari decides to obey and hold on to God's promises, Tim ignores and soon it has dull his senses to what the Spirit is telling him.

It has reminded me about my reading in Proverbs yesterday.

1. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. 

2. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

3. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. 

4. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. 

5. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

Proverbs 4:23-27

To be able to make right decisions, l need to guard my heart, keep corrupt talks far from my mouth, my eyes to look straight, to be careful and steadfast in my ways, and to keep my foot from evil. 

Tonight, I was able to attend prayer meeting with YAM. 

04 May 2016 Quitting

I'm part of the tender hearts club. I've accepted the fact that I am very soft inside. I get nostalgic at times or would tear at memories. To be honest, I don't like goodbyes so I try not to think about it or else my heart would prick. But God is on sovereignty of using every part of me for His glory, turning my heart to compassion and tender love.

Being at this state, I am vulnerable to hurts. I don't blame others when it comes to tough love they bestow on me as I should view life knowing that I am a work in progress, not as though the significant others are the ones who are in progress in taming tongues, or humility, or even trust. I look into the log in my eye.

In the past, my family has been to different churches, until I've settled to the current church I'm in and wherever I go , I'll surely look for our local church for services in the area.

I cannot deny that I've been to many local church of the same sect (insert name of my church) after the settlement of where I am growing in the awakening during college years (it is another story why I found this church).

After the first church closed its Sunday service to support a new church, I opted another local place (personal reasons). I served God continuously til I had to move after few years because I had major problems with my bestfriend and we didn't end up good. I didn't have problems with church leaders or any groups then, it was just for me to renew my steadfastness and to gather myself once again. I knew I have become too dependent to people.

Then onto another local church, I continue my service. At first, I had to do healing from broken relationships. There were too many times I planned on abandoning my post and find another niche (this time, I was thinking of another sect already). I wouldn't go through details on how it went. Only because I had an opportunity abroad that I somehow left technically. It was very subtle as it wasn't planned though.

Coming abroad, I searched for the same sect of my local church and found it. I served God in the ministry and was able to be used for His glory. The later part of my stay abroad, I asked God for guidance on going back home. This meant going back to the church I left. This time, the-leaving-of-the-current-church is heartbreaking as I have been learning a lot in my personal faith. God brought me to faith deeper than I used to have. I began seeking more about Him and His glory while He continue to work mightily in the lifegroup we have started. People are coming, we all have our different testimonies. We have developed friendships. Things are going awesome. God has been using me in teaching them and sharing my faith and His revelations. Then I have to go home. Many pros which I have prayed about went well and there was peace despite the hurt of leaving them.

Then it dawned on me. If I have to go back, I need to go to a local church. The previous church I had was the closest thing (if not a church nearer to where God will bring me this time). I had mixed emotions. Friends from different local welcomed me to the previous churches I had been. While it gave me happiness, I told them where God has been leading me despite the fact that I have to start again. I could easily join them and continue but it was the leading that's bringing me back to the church where I left.

Although I left with better relationships, some things went out of hand, and some more unstable ones. There will be good people there but I will have to start again. Coming back I thought of what I am to embark. But I know I have to stop running away.

During the times I was praying, I asked God why would I have to endure such pains when I can find another local church and or handpicked people who would understand me perfectly, who would support me. They have welcomed me and would surely guide me. Why would I even sign up for a group where I could be vulnerable because of a pain I could run away from.

But I will be honest, part of my growth mostly come from those challenging times, as through this I seek the truth more and have learned to personally establish and keep my faith through seeking Him. I learn humility, meekness, respect and self-control. I learned grace, submission, and patience.

The bible adheres to church unity (1 Cor 12:27, Romans 12:4-5, and many verses). I have not seen anything like you have to leave a church when things get out of hand or when people challenges you. Our lives are meant to be shared despite differences.

Coming back, one thing is for sure, I will continue to seek Him and His will. I would still want to be involved in a church that I feel I could grow whether in affirmation or pain. The challenge is to focus my eyes on Jesus.

It has been hard on the first week but relieved to knowing that I can stop running and start walking with Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. 

03 May 2016 Put No Confidence

Many time series calls for more reading and devo. 

The thought came this afternoon while cooking, my Dubai experience was for me to get back to myself. One friend told me, I needed that one year away. Another one confirmed that I went there just to find myself. I was trying to deny it til I had to accept the fact. 

Here's for learning the past days that I've been meditating. 

Remember not to put no confidence. You are not your own. 

1. Physical

2. Mental

3. Emotion

4. Power

Appearance - Physical

Do not look at the outside appearance, put no confidence on it. Rather look at the heart. 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.””

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

Thinking - Mental

It is tempting to think highly of ourselves when gain much knowledge, the bible says do not out confidence in the flesh. Paul, who has reason to put confidence in the flesh did not take it for himself.

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” Romans 12:3 NIV

“though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:”

Philippians 3:4 NIV

Pride - Emotions

Do not put confidence in what you feel, it could be pride. One can only be proud when he has tested their own actions without having to compare. 

“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,”

Galatians 6:3-4 NIV

Riches, Wisdom, Strength - Power

Our power brings superiority and confidence. It is easy to be lures by our own power. 

“This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches,”

Jeremiah 9:23 NIV

Do not confidence in in our flesh but put confidence in Christ Jesus, to know Him and make Him known.